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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
happyinherts · 13/10/2022 12:47

OP - you be damned proud of yourself. A 3.5 year old and a 12 month old take up a lot of time and energy, and above that you produce wonderful meals. What more can I say? Apart from take no notice of these professionals and don't let them upset you. Children are all different. If they're eating these meals plus fruit etc, you're doing a grand job.

vicky46 · 13/10/2022 12:55

That sounds fantastic and super varied. I think you’re doing amazing.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/10/2022 13:03

sounds a fab and varied yummy menu

ignore her @Myohmymy

tbh most hv are useless (sorry to the odd ones who ar E helpful kid and supportive)

im a mn and the things income back and get told by parents my clients, all in a tizz coz a hv said they must do abc

i weaned my dd at 17w as she wa shaving huge bottle of milk every 3hrs and was sleeping though the night and stopped - due to hunger

yes I’m a first time mum but due to my job as a maternity nurse and ex nanny I’ve dealt with newborns for 30yrs so know what I’m doing

our hv said I should never wean before 6mths and I would damage my baby for life and should put up with her waking at night for another 2mths till I should wean / as babies don’t sleep through till lesst a year

intokd her this was total bollocks and those in my care are sleeping 7/7 usually by 4mths. Always by 6

I ignored her

if I was a first time mum who had no baby exp she would have made me feel that I had damaged mg baby for life and the worst mum

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2crazyboysandstillalive · 13/10/2022 13:03

OP I need to tell you your menu looks like my Pinterest heaven - thats SOO GOOD, HV is being a twat, both my kids lived off chicken nuggets chips and beans or fish fingers and the occasional JP and Beans maybe a happy meal thrown in to. Cheese or Ham sandwiches were also a staple. They are alive and guess what they are proper food snobs, my babies are now 13 and 10 and like a whole variety of food. I failed and forget the veg on Tuesday and they were disappointed that there was no veg with their chicken and mash (Nigel Slaters creamy chicken) anyway Tell HV times are hard and you cannot afford a cook book let alone the ingredient's and that she is more than welcome to bring home cooked meals for you kids at lunch. Its 2022 not the bloody 1960s!!!!
You are doing just fine OP

mumnosbest · 13/10/2022 13:10

Wow! I have 3 teen/pre teen DCs. All are healthy and have survived on a far less balanced diet than this, including (dare I say) things like frozen chicken nuggets and the odd ready meal or take-away!

You're doing great and probably working a lot harder than most of us to put healthy, home-made meals on the table. I'd definitely be writing a complaint or maybe, tongue in cheek, send your menu and ask for advice on how to improve it.

billy1966 · 13/10/2022 13:27

AppleWax · 13/10/2022 12:27

Health visitors are optional not mandatory- I wouldn’t accept another home visit, complain and either visit the clinic or opt out of the service - you can always go to GP if you have any medical issues etc.

This.
Definitely complain her.

Stupid people like her do awful damage.
She clealy is stupid and dangerous in that position.

That is a great menu and huge effort on your behalf.

Lhod19 · 13/10/2022 13:31

My kids are both grown up now but my eldest lived on nothing but cereal and mash and gravy. He grew up healthy and has kids of his own now.
Maybe your HV has some issues of her own that she put on you.
I think it's a fab menu take no notice. Half of them don't have kids so they know nothing 😁

billy1966 · 13/10/2022 13:32

I had a couple of different HV call when my children were small and they couldn't answer even the most basic of questions.

I found them woefully poor.

One actually referred my eldest for a gastro appointments because of weight and the consultant raised her eyes to heaven at the lively engaged baby being held by my tall slim husband.

She said your baby is clearly going to be similar in build to his father.....she was 100% correct.

rbmilliner · 13/10/2022 13:43

Congratulations OP on getting your little ones to eat so well!

Any health visitor visiting my house would faint, mine rarely eats anything hot other than toast and plain pasta and would live on humus, pitta bread and cucumber (under sufferance) given half the chance.

When I asked a health visitor what I should do to get her to eat a more varied diet I got given a long list of what I could give her but no help on how to get her to actually eat it (and yes I'd obviously tried hiding veg in mash and puree veg in spag bol neither of which she'll touch)
At that point I came to the conclusion that HV really are a bit pointless

twoboysandacrazydog · 13/10/2022 14:10

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

This is exactly what I thought.

twoboysandacrazydog · 13/10/2022 14:18

We opted out of HV. I have no regrets. You can always go to the GP with concerns. You are doing amazing. That is GREAT food, diverse, fun, and sounds so yum. I am very jealous.

DottyLittleRainbow · 13/10/2022 14:24

Oh OP I’d be fuming! Make a complaint!

Your meals sound great, and no mean feat with a 3yo and 1yo either.

Also health visiting is optional.

AliceS1994 · 13/10/2022 14:45

Sounds healthy, varied and delicious. Totally unwarranted from HV and frankly I would complain!

MamaBearof4 · 13/10/2022 17:28

That looks like a fan, well balanced menu. Children (or humans of any age) don't need two big cooked meals a day. Your HV is talking rubbish, and where she is pulling her info from, heaven only knows! It's certainly not recommended.
Your child isn't small either - she's on 50th C and has gained since birth for one thing. The other is that children, just like other humans come in all different shapes and sizes. Not every child will be huge. Not every child will be petite. If your child's weight and height are around the same point at her young age, all is fine.

Did you have any concerns about your dc before the hv busybody had her dig? And can you think of anything now - do they have good appetite/energy? Are they bright and bonny and are they happy little beings?
If you aren't actually worried, then personally, I'd give hv a wide berth and get on with how you're already doing things. You're doing a top job there mamma 👏

KatieCelf · 13/10/2022 18:26

Wow! That’s bonkers! That sounds lush!

Ask her for some suggestions, see what she eats?! Can’t imagine what could be better than this? It’s varied, includes lots of fruit and veg. I don’t get what on Earth she’s talking about.

keep doing what you’re doing mamma, you’re doing a fantastic job ❤️

purplehair1 · 13/10/2022 18:27

Your menu sounds amazing! Absolutely perfect! I can’t understand how she found fault with it - I would make a complaint and show her boss your menu plan.

Celestialmoonface · 13/10/2022 18:36

Maybe she was jealous 🤷‍♀️

LouBBB · 13/10/2022 18:39

Tell her to fuck right off. That looks incredible, well balanced and varied. I'm a little in awe and jealous over here and saving your post for some inspo.

msberry · 13/10/2022 21:22

Amazing menu. Ours is much worse. Tbh I am jealous and would love to come to dinner! 😘

user1493559472 · 13/10/2022 21:22

I am a HV.
The menu looks lovely and a good variety of foods.
If I was being very picky I would that the pom bear crisps are very high in salt, give low salt crisps instead. Otherwise you can come and speak to some other parents! I always say no sugar, salt and not to spicy. I advise family foods.
If you are not happy you cam complain.

Myohmymy · 13/10/2022 21:34

user1493559472 · 13/10/2022 21:22

I am a HV.
The menu looks lovely and a good variety of foods.
If I was being very picky I would that the pom bear crisps are very high in salt, give low salt crisps instead. Otherwise you can come and speak to some other parents! I always say no sugar, salt and not to spicy. I advise family foods.
If you are not happy you cam complain.

Are they? I’ve looked an per bag they are lower than most crisps on the market, aside from baby melts, isn’t the allowance 2gs per day?

my eldest was low birth weight and under nicu consultants, who then discharged to paed consultants and they worked along side the paed dietitian for low birth weight babies, or kids with faltering growth and we were always told, don’t worry about sugar (yeah don’t give juice and gummy bears obviously as there is 0 value add there from a growth point of view) but if your child wants cake and custard, go for it as you until 3 catch up growth is largely nutrition related. Just putting it out there

OP posts:
piesforever · 13/10/2022 22:22

I'd complain to PALS, she needs to be told so she can learn!

piesforever · 13/10/2022 22:23

I agree with those who said she has a racial bias

ayshigirl · 14/10/2022 00:20

I'm so sorry you've gone through this. Can I suggest you complain as not only have you been treated unfairly but she's likely to inflict this on others. I had to make formal complaints about a midwife and NCT practitioner with my oldest

Ginandtonics · 14/10/2022 00:54

Ignore the HV, my kids are in their 20s now but when they were little I got to the point where I avoided the HVs. Some are ok but I wasn't happy at all with the service in general - there were specific reasons I won't go in to.

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