Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Tigerbus · 10/10/2022 18:56

Please remember that HV is not a compulsory service that you must have.

Trust your parenting abilities. Unless you have serious concerns about your child's health and development then there's no need to continue with them.

Make a complaint as some parents will be new/first time and need not deal with this negativity when navigating child development.

Perhaps decline their service from now on.

FlamingoSocks · 10/10/2022 18:56

This so mad I almost can’t believe it. Sounds like she’s in the middle of a fugue state or early
stage of dementia or something. Or like a ghost from the 50s. Are you sure you aren’t Alison from
Ghosts??
I absolutely would complain and I know how awful
it is to be on the receiving end of complaints. She sounds breathtakingly rude.

LeoEisor · 10/10/2022 18:57

Your doing great your kids are very lucky. Sometimes I've found health visitors to come across very blunt and leave you feeling like a bad parent.

They'd be shocked at what my child eats as she is super fussy and will refuse anything new on her plate she only eats about 15 different foods ( I keep trying)

Try not to overthink it. If your child looks and seems healthy then your doing a cold job

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

endofthelinefinally · 10/10/2022 18:57

We lived on batch cooked, slow cooker food for about 10 years. Lots of fruit and veg with it and everyone was fine. Your food sounds much more interesting and varied that mine was in those days.

greystarblanchard · 10/10/2022 18:57

Your kids eat better than me! I would definitely complain, she has no idea what she’s talking about. Do not let this shake you’re confidence!

greystarblanchard · 10/10/2022 18:58

Your Confidence” that should say!

AnotherCountryMummy · 10/10/2022 18:58

Looks like you've got a lot of visitors coming - we are in the queue too! Your menu is great. She is nuts!

FloorWipes · 10/10/2022 18:58

Ah yes here is the cbf dinners thread. I genuinely got menu ideas from this: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4597586-did-i-just-win-the-award-for-most-i-cant-be-fucked-tea-for-my-dc

surreygirl1987 · 10/10/2022 18:59

Whaaaat?! You definitely feed your kids better than I feed mine. I once had a midwife tell me the reason I had a huge baby was because I ate a banana for a snack most days. You get the occasional odd ball...

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:59

I mean the baby eats most things but the toddler can be hit or miss, especially with daal lol, but we keep presenting the foods with some safe foods to expand her diet and get her experimenting but it’s a process to say the least lol

OP posts:
gamerchick · 10/10/2022 19:00

Battytwatty · 10/10/2022 18:13

Sounds fine to me. Lovely in fact. Can I come for tea? Lol

My first thought Grin

put her out of your mind OP. You're doing well and she shouldn't be blaming you for the size of your kid. I'd be ringing, saying she was out of order and you would like another HV next time.

Goldpaw · 10/10/2022 19:00

What an amazing diet, OP!

There definitely looks to be a cultural element here. Cottage pie, fish pie, roast dinners. WTF.Perhaps that's what she cooks and either only eats more exotic (for want of a better word!) as a takeaway, or sees it eaten as fast food.

At the very least she needs to have some sort of cultural nutrition training, if there is such a thing.

Danascully2 · 10/10/2022 19:00

Hv is weird, that is loads better than my kids' diet! Insisting on two cooked meals a day is just ridiculous... I do think some people have a strange relationship with food - see also insistence on low fat yoghurts and pronouncements that cheese is unhealthy. Neither of which are appropriate for an extremely active skinny child like mine. Possibly she has an unhealthy relationship with food and has lost sight of what is normal?

Buteverythingsfine · 10/10/2022 19:00

You do not have to have a HV visit you, I declined the visits with my second as I found them not useful at best and actively unhelpful at worst, I kept an eye on her weight myself. I wouldn't want this lady to visit again.

RefuseTheLies · 10/10/2022 19:01

Ffs. Send her round to me and I’ll sort her out. My dd2 has been weaned straight on to chicken nuggets 😂

NightmareSituation · 10/10/2022 19:01

This is ludicrous and I would ask to be assigned a different HV.

ExcitingTimes2021 · 10/10/2022 19:02

Your menu sounds amazing! hangs chicken nugget serving head in shame 😂😂😂

Choconut · 10/10/2022 19:03

Who doesn't make a shepherd's pie from scratch most days of the week? What are you thinking OP feeding your children all that foreign muck? Who knows what half of it even is? (Not the HV anyway!)

Yesthatismychildsigh · 10/10/2022 19:03

And this is why HV have such a terrible reputation. Just opt out of seeing her, and if asked, tell them exactly how she’s incompetent possibly spiteful.

AxolotlEars · 10/10/2022 19:03

You are doing a grand job! 🙂

MrsAvocet · 10/10/2022 19:06

I wouldn't let her back in "to see how things are going". You know how things are going. Everything is fine. Your children are eating healthy foods and thriving. You were probably perfectly happy before this rude woman came into your house and started undermining you. It sounds as if she lacks understanding of both nutrition and growth charts, and there may also be an element of racism. You don't need to see HVs at all if you don't wish to, and this one sounds terrible.

SquashesPumpkinsAutumnBliss · 10/10/2022 19:06

When she calls back, tell her if she is unhappy with your menu then you would very happily have contact with a paediatric dietitian from your local hospital - who are, after all, the experts.

we are under the dietitian for other reasons and they take a few days menu and can say whether my children are low in certain nutrients.

I have a feeling she would not dare refer you as I can imagine the hospital response!!!

CosyDarkNights · 10/10/2022 19:07

I refused to have the health visitor with my second and third child, 0 need for them, waste of my time and energy. I'd have asked them to leave and complained. Nothing wrong with your meals. I've never had 2 cooked meals a day in my life, pretty normal to have a sandwich at lunch, I've never been obese or indeed ill beyond a cold, nor has my husband. Utter nonsense. She needs to go back to her nutrition module and do some reading. Making someone who is clearly doing just fine and has 2 healthy children feel like shit and question themselves is not on.

Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 10/10/2022 19:07

OP mine told me that the "crustaceans" in my baby's eyes weren't conjunctivitis 👀

There were no crustaceans, I can assure you. And it was conjunctivitis.

Ignore her and report her.

hadtochangetothisone · 10/10/2022 19:08

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

I agree with this.

Wants you to make shepherds pie when you have Moroccan lamb and couscous on the menu. Obviously doesn't realise how nutritious your lamb dish is in comparison.

Obviously thinks that only 'English stodge' is proper food. (I say this as a champion shepherds pie maker ) .

Swipe left for the next trending thread