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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
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Mylittlesandwich · 10/10/2022 18:26

Your HV is bonkers. We feed DS a variety of things. More often than not lunch is a sandwich based affair. They certainly don't need two cooked meals a day. My HV was perfectly happy with what we provide DS who's nearly 3. He eats anything from pizza to lentil daal and plenty in between. Variety is a great thing for small humans imo.

2020firsttimemum · 10/10/2022 18:26

I think that sounds like a perfectly good, balanced meal and impressive that your children eat it (I know some are fussy eaters)

Please don't beat yourself up about the HV she clearly doesn't know what she's talking about or is very tactile if there was a genuine concern.

Now obviously if you were giving your kids frozen pizza and chips or takeaway every day she may have something to say - but even that right now for some people is a choice between that or going hungry with the currently climate so at least you're managing to feed your children!

Hope you're okay op

Am1beingUnreasonable · 10/10/2022 18:26

@Myohmymy can I have the recipe for the yoghurt dressing? We don’t like mayo either 🤣

That menu is fab, your HV is just a horrible person!

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stillvicarinatutu · 10/10/2022 18:27

It's hardly turkey twizzlers and chips is it !

That menu is fab ! I think if it's bothered you you should ask to speak to her again for 5 mins tell her politely where to go. It sounds like she was very old school . And unhelpful!

gogohmm · 10/10/2022 18:27

Looks delicious, not unlike my menu plan I should add (salmon noodles here)

Honestly I would call this as prejudice and complain. Btw I'm white British and haven't cooked shepherds pie in years!

ManxRhyme · 10/10/2022 18:28

I suspect she doesn't know what half the menu is cos it's forrin. I smell a racial element to this. What an ignorant woman. I would feedback, and I don't say this lightly.

Lazydaisydaydream · 10/10/2022 18:28

It sounds like the HV doesn’t understand what these meals are and only eats “traditional English” food.

what you are serving sounds great, lots of variety and it all sounds delicious. Please don’t let her upset you, and make a complaint so that she can get some training around feeding children.

magma32 · 10/10/2022 18:28

Wtf I’d be making a complaint without hesitation. She’s not a dietitian and should stay in her lane. Clearly nothing wrong with your menu, and what’s wrong with not eating pork, hardly healthy!

butterfliedtwo · 10/10/2022 18:28

She's out of order! Please try to ignore. I'm sorry, I hate that she made you feel like shit.

She's the one with the problem here.

magma32 · 10/10/2022 18:29

Yes I’m wondering if there’s a racial element here. I would def complain.

NiceTwin · 10/10/2022 18:29

I sacked off the HV as soon as I could with my dd's.
Absolute waste of space, the lot of them.

You are giving them a good diet of varied flavours. I would ignore her and carry on as you are.

Discovereads · 10/10/2022 18:29

Yes, the HV is completely off her rocker and seems to me to be viciously trampling all over your execellent parenting.

And don’t worry about you child “only” going from 2nd % to 25th%. There’s nothing to worry about there.

I would definitely file a complaint. There is nothing wrong with “fakeaways” because they are healthy homecooked versions of meals that takeaways offer. It’s literally perfectly fine.

Mylittlesandwich · 10/10/2022 18:29

gogohmm · 10/10/2022 18:27

Looks delicious, not unlike my menu plan I should add (salmon noodles here)

Honestly I would call this as prejudice and complain. Btw I'm white British and haven't cooked shepherds pie in years!

Exactly, I've never made a blooming shepherds pie in my life! I don't expect DS is suffering due to my lack of potato topped cooking.

Am1beingUnreasonable · 10/10/2022 18:30

Mylittlesandwich · 10/10/2022 18:29

Exactly, I've never made a blooming shepherds pie in my life! I don't expect DS is suffering due to my lack of potato topped cooking.

This ticked me “lack of potato topped cooking” 😂 and absolutely correct, I don’t think there’s any need to routinely feed the little ones versions of meat and potato day in day out

butterfliedtwo · 10/10/2022 18:31

And yes, you should complain. It's not OK.

Angelofthenortheast · 10/10/2022 18:31

I'm worried I'm gonna get lambasted for saying this but... do you think there's any possibility the hv is actually discriminating because of your race or religion OP?

I can't understand why anyone would think that meal plan would be bad for a family, but maybe she's culturally conditioned to view those recipes as 'takeaway food' rather than real but just 'non-british' cuisine. And then she maybe her brain just thought 'takeaway = junk'.

I would complain personally, as it sounds upsetting regardless

ConkerBonkers · 10/10/2022 18:32

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

I second this. How rude for her to refer to your food as fakeaways! I would want to complain about this too. Point out your food is is home cooked and fresh, loads of different veggies in each meal, as low as possible salt and sugar, no msg, and thus in no way resembles a takeaway, so please can she explain what is meant by saying you serve fakeaway food, because it is unclear to you what is wrong with the food you are offering.

Honestly, your HV reminds me of aunt Lydia in Gilead.

yummyscummymummy01 · 10/10/2022 18:32

I agree with the above poster that the assumption that these foods are 'takeaway' foods just because they're from another country is ridiculous. Hope strange and bonkers. You're doing a great job. Ignore!

twinteenwrangler · 10/10/2022 18:32

Menu sounds great, lots of variety and flavours, wish my teenagers would eat it! My second was 2nd centile at birth up to 25th later, I was delighted. I can't see how home made from scratch food is like takeaways at all. I never met a helpful HV I'm afraid though I'm sure they must exist...

Itsbeenabadday · 10/10/2022 18:32

There is definitely something else going on here...this HV is deliberately undermining you for absolutely no good reason at all. Your menu is better than most I reckon. I would make a complaint. X

caramac04 · 10/10/2022 18:32

You’re feeding your little ones a healthy, varied menu. Two full dinners a day???? Ridiculous, the obsession with full dinners is partly why people are overweight as they’re often carb heavy (I’m a spud lover so maybe it’s just me). I grew up with meals like beans or egg on toast a couple of times a week, or maybe sardines. Overall though we had a balanced menu with plenty of veg - just not a every single meal.
I also think her manner sounds unprofessional and frankly quite rude.
I think you’re doing a great job OP

Miniforce · 10/10/2022 18:32

Is this a joke? Your menus sound incredible! My DS is 3.5 and (a) I don't make anywhere near this much effort with his meals and (b) even if I did he'd still only want to eat pesto pasta or toast.

Not sure about making a complaint but I'd try and put this silly woman out of your mind.

weebarra · 10/10/2022 18:33

That is perfect and totally suitable. Packed full of veg etc.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/10/2022 18:34

Your menu sounds healthy, nutritious and delicious, @Myohmymy, and your HV is nuts.

serenghetti2011 · 10/10/2022 18:34

Ignore her, no idea why she would say this to someone it has no foundation. Your child is likely just small. I have 4, paeds nurse so hv knew better than to come out with any of that shit to me. I have 2 boys who are sturdy boys solid and 2 who are very slight, they all eat the same (or did as small kids) your food sounds lovely btw.

you’d think as a health visitor in this time of cost of living shed have encouraged your menu and tried to build you up and be some support, that’s her job not judgment and making someone feel shit!!! You wonder where the motivation for some of these workers comes from to do what she did it’s just sad! I’ve applied to do hv as I’ve been a young mum, single mum, mum to 4 had a few hv and worked with lots, i like to think I would never do this. Don’t feel bad, she was clearly just looking for something to bring you down on.