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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ImAvingOops · 10/10/2022 18:49

i wouldn't let her through my door again if I was you.

BiscuitLover3678 · 10/10/2022 18:49

Do you think she knows what Schwarma is? I wonder if she thinks you’re literally going to a greasy kebab shop and getting it off the big rolls and that’s it’s takeaway dhals for example. It sounds like she only understands traditional English style food.

She sounds very rude and tactless.

NC12345665 · 10/10/2022 18:50

Why would you believe her? She's obviously talking bollocks. Anybody that thinks shepherds pie is the pinnacle of culinary delights is someone to ignore.

It doesn't look like much veg on your list but I'm guessing it actually is added in to all the dishes. If that had been her complaint I could maybe see where she was coming from.

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Justcallmebebes · 10/10/2022 18:51

I've just read your menu through twice and I can't see what hv is on about. That's a good, varied healthy diet. She's nuts

inappropriateraspberry · 10/10/2022 18:51

Bloody hell OP, that's amazing food! Better than my children have. Especially breakfast and lunch.
Ignore her, she doesn't know what she's talking about. Sounds like she expects cereal for brekkie, sandwich for lunch and nuggets for tea each day!

Ponderingwindow · 10/10/2022 18:51

I wish anyone in my family ate that well. Your menu is varied and seems to include a good mix of food groups. Multiple hot meals a day are not necessary.

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:51

Thinkbiglittleone · 10/10/2022 18:40

Did she actually say which elements your DC have too much of or not enough of...?

I can't see a problem myself, maybe she doesn't actually understand what a lot of the food is.

She said it was too much junk food, they needed more ‘grown up food’ or they’ll get a taste for junk. I pointed out that it’s all home cooked, from scratch, no bought sauces when we do have things like pasta bake or lasagne, she said but still, they’ll get a taste for it.

she said lunch wasn’t substantial enough for small children

OP posts:
Shutupyoutart · 10/10/2022 18:51

Oh my days, If my kids would eat all of that I would be delighted. I think it sounds great op very varied balanced and delicious I too would like to come for dinner :) Take no notice of the silly hv don't let her make you feel bad, all kids are different as long as they are happy and healthy that's all that matters :)

herbygarden · 10/10/2022 18:52

Wow OP! My children have never eaten this well, I don't think I ever have. Your lucky kids. The HV is an idiot and I would complain I think!

Ellnet · 10/10/2022 18:52

ManxRhyme · 10/10/2022 18:28

I suspect she doesn't know what half the menu is cos it's forrin. I smell a racial element to this. What an ignorant woman. I would feedback, and I don't say this lightly.

I completely agree with this, her comments are very odd given the lovely menu. I remember telling my HV not to come back after she commented negatively on my 3 year old eating a sandwich spread with salad cream…. It was an anything goes kinda day trying to deal with a newborn, an 18 month old and doing anything to avoid the three year olds tantrums when she visited. I’m pleased to report they all survived that day.

You're doing great OP, don’t let one person dent your confidence.

BiscuitLover3678 · 10/10/2022 18:53

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:47

i didn’t even think of the ‘race’ element, she was an older white woman, my husband is Asian but I’m a white as they come lol, maybe she was a ‘this is Britain, none of this foreign muck’ sort of woman.

she asked me do I know how to cook pasta, to which I said yes, she said there wasn’t a lot of that and I said, they had it for lunch this week and twice for dinners last week so don’t want them to get fed up. When she said about the full meals, I said I’m limited time wise, a lot of my meals I make in the slow cooker, to which she replied ‘so do you always, gravitate towards the easy option?’. I mumbled something about not having to watch it with kids, i just felt like a little girl getting scolded. Her suggestions were, the full meals like shepherds pie, roasts, fish pie etc (aside from the roast I dislike the other 2 immensely) oh and risotto (again, don’t really like it). She even wanted to weigh my eldest which I declined, I think that was a red flag to a bull (but I know roughly how much she weighs, she’s proportionate and looks healthy but petite, I’m 5’3 so it’s hardly a shock she’s petite but I don’t want to make a big deal out of weight or size). She said she’ll call back in a few weeks to see how things are going.

That’s awful! I can’t believe she said that to you. It sounds like she’s made a judgement and she’s seeing things that way. I would complain.

There’s nothing wrong with slow cooker!! In fact that’s a great way to cook loads of veg.

Tallulasdancingshoes · 10/10/2022 18:53

What the bloody hell was she expecting. Your menu sounds perfect.

endofthelinefinally · 10/10/2022 18:53

That is a delicious, nutritious selection of lovely food. Ignore her.

JennyForeigner · 10/10/2022 18:53

OMG if my kids ate that well I'd be in heaven.

thinksoftoddlerwhoonlyeatsthexheesepickedoffhomemadepizzaandnoteventhepizzaandcries.

trevthecat · 10/10/2022 18:54

Please feedback to the hv team. She is completely out of order. Your menu is 5* compared to what I feed mine some days!

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:54

NC12345665 · 10/10/2022 18:50

Why would you believe her? She's obviously talking bollocks. Anybody that thinks shepherds pie is the pinnacle of culinary delights is someone to ignore.

It doesn't look like much veg on your list but I'm guessing it actually is added in to all the dishes. If that had been her complaint I could maybe see where she was coming from.

We just don’t tend to menu plan the veg elements unless it’s specific (like the aubergine lol) and get what’s on offer in the shop but we have a portion with the meal, which I told her. My eldest actually has to be limited with veg, she loves it that much, asks for seconds on broccoli and cauli haha.

OP posts:
W00p · 10/10/2022 18:54

Well now I need to follow your instagram for all the menu ideas. Sounds divine.

Ignore the HV.

minipie · 10/10/2022 18:54

This is nuts.

Somehow she has clearly got the idea that British food is proper food and forrin food is takeaway junk.

Basically if she couldn’t cook it then it must be unhealthy Hmm

RedWingBoots · 10/10/2022 18:54

OP put a written complaint in and mention in it the ethnicity of your husband.

They will do the best they can to make your complaint go away and don't be surprised if you aren't allocated to that HV any more.

Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 10/10/2022 18:54

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:51

She said it was too much junk food, they needed more ‘grown up food’ or they’ll get a taste for junk. I pointed out that it’s all home cooked, from scratch, no bought sauces when we do have things like pasta bake or lasagne, she said but still, they’ll get a taste for it.

she said lunch wasn’t substantial enough for small children

God forbid they get a taste for grown up, decent food.

Honestly, I'd tell someone- it's upset you abd you're in a good enough place to question her. Some women won't be.

Bloody silly. What's she after? Chops & boiled spuds every day?

minipie · 10/10/2022 18:54

Wish my DC would eat aubergine 😩

ehb102 · 10/10/2022 18:55

I thought this was going to be one of those threads where a mum is putting a variety of oven chips and processed meat in the oven five times a week. Instead I see a menu that is beyond reproach. Health Visitor sounds narrow minded at best.

commonsense61 · 10/10/2022 18:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LizzieSiddal · 10/10/2022 18:55

Your menu and meals are delicious.

UU you iu really should make a complaint against the HV, god knows what else she’s giving misinformation about!!

FloorWipes · 10/10/2022 18:56

I wonder what that HV would have thought of the thread where a parent admitted feeding their child alcohol-free kopparberg and chocolate digestives for breakfast while they had covid.