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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Itsbeenabadday · 10/10/2022 18:34

Also I agree with PP about the meals being 'world foods'....we don't eat Shepherd's Pie or Lasagna in our house, she'd probably have an issue with all the traditional Asian cooking we have. Sorry she's made you feel rubbish OP x

cabansunset · 10/10/2022 18:35

Your menu looks amazing...I also thought the same as a pp, if your list was written up like: fish & chips, crispy duck, curry and rice...maybe she assumed you lived off take aways? And not the home cooked, varied and flavourful meals you are actually offering?

DappledThings · 10/10/2022 18:36

Your menu is fantastic. Your HV is insane, and quite possibly racist too. Ignore her entirely. You're doing great.

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Istolethecookies · 10/10/2022 18:36

That’s a great menu! And I’m going to steal it 😂 Honestly don’t know how that could be any better… you’ve got food from all the food groups, a good variety of flavours for them to try… I’d report the HV, her comments were incredibly insensitive and uncalled for.

Mehjustmeh · 10/10/2022 18:37

All the delicious food in the world and she suggests shepherd's pie and a roast dinner 🤨 I haven't cooked/eaten either of those in ages.

I feel sorry for her taste buds.

Your menu sounds lovely!

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 10/10/2022 18:37

I wish my toddler would eat half of what's on your menu. Your health visitor would have a coronary if she saw what mine eats.

SunshineClouds1 · 10/10/2022 18:38

Your menu sounds lovely and I would love my child to eat those.

Ignore her

Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 10/10/2022 18:39

Can we move in with you?

I wonder if she doesn't know what some of it is or presumes it's ready meals? Either way, she's a horrible HV.

Thinkbiglittleone · 10/10/2022 18:40

Did she actually say which elements your DC have too much of or not enough of...?

I can't see a problem myself, maybe she doesn't actually understand what a lot of the food is.

Derbee · 10/10/2022 18:41

A lot of HVs are complete dicks, in my experience. It’s a real shame, as it’s such a helpful concept, but I’ve yet to meet a nice/helpful/kind one.

Your menu sounds lovely, and I’d happily live with you 😀

853ax · 10/10/2022 18:41

Doubt she has been in a house where children eat better then this.
Feeling she had her ' message ' ready and would have said same even if you said they eat crisps for every meal and drink beer

Browndoor · 10/10/2022 18:41

Your meals are amazing. I would make a guess that she's incredibly ignorant and didn't understand a lot of it.

You can withdraw from the HV service you know. No need to have this person or any person in your home making tiresome comments when you're doing a brilliant job.

GeorgeorRuth · 10/10/2022 18:41

Your family eat better than DH and I. Ignore the batshit.

ImAvingOops · 10/10/2022 18:42

Formal complaint time imo - hv mert women when they are at their most vulnerable and in making them feel judged and like shit, they are in real danger of destroying confidence and triggering PND.
I've had 4 children and from my experience with the last hv, would never allow another one across my threshold.
Putting in a formal complaint might flare some other woman this bitchy and bullying experience

Harebrain · 10/10/2022 18:42

Your menu sounds perfect. Take no notice of the HV.

AnApparitionQuipped · 10/10/2022 18:42

It looks healthy to me, with plenty of variety.

OurChristmasMiracle · 10/10/2022 18:43

So both children are thriving and meeting their milestones. Neither have any issues around food and eating. Sounds like a varied diet with varied tastes so I would say there is absolutely nothing wrong.

also even if there was they should be looking to educate and help you make changes not make you feel judged and criticised as then you won’t reach out for help.

limitededitionbarbie · 10/10/2022 18:43

You and your family eat well op. Try not to worry she sounds like a complete dick.

She is all the reasons HV get a bad rep.

Hairgician · 10/10/2022 18:44

ffs. Id have asked her for her nutrition credentials. She hasnt got a notion. Thats a fab menu! Better than alot of others id say. Take no heed.

Greengr · 10/10/2022 18:45

A delicious and well balanced meal plan Flowers
The HV sounds like she has got no idea regarding food!

MrsAvocet · 10/10/2022 18:46

Sounds great to me too. I thought from the title you were going to say they lived on chicken nuggets etc. (And I actually don't think there's anything wrong with having that kind of thing sometimes as long as it isn't too frequent.) The only thing I can possibly think she might be thinking is that you don't mention a lot of "obvious" vegetables, but I imagine there are veggies in the sauces you're using, plus there are vegetarian mains mentioned, so I'm sure you're doing fine. Like many others have mentioned, I suspect this HV may in fact be limited in her own diet and be thinking that anything that isn't meat and 2 veg isn't good enough. Maybe it's actually her that needs a new cookery book?
And there isn't necessarily anything at all concerning about being on the 25th centile. By definition, 25% of any population must be on or below the 25th centile! It might be of concern if your child was much smaller than you might expect from the rest of the family's heights or was dropping centiles, but most 25th centile people will be perfectly healthy, just a bit smaller than average. And 25th centile isn't even that small. She'd get a shock if she came to my house I can tell you - there's not been a woman over 5ft 2 or a man over 5ft 7 in my family for as long as anyone can remember!

Goldbar · 10/10/2022 18:46

I wish my fussy eater would eat a fraction of what's on your menu. Plain pasta features heavily here.

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:47

i didn’t even think of the ‘race’ element, she was an older white woman, my husband is Asian but I’m a white as they come lol, maybe she was a ‘this is Britain, none of this foreign muck’ sort of woman.

she asked me do I know how to cook pasta, to which I said yes, she said there wasn’t a lot of that and I said, they had it for lunch this week and twice for dinners last week so don’t want them to get fed up. When she said about the full meals, I said I’m limited time wise, a lot of my meals I make in the slow cooker, to which she replied ‘so do you always, gravitate towards the easy option?’. I mumbled something about not having to watch it with kids, i just felt like a little girl getting scolded. Her suggestions were, the full meals like shepherds pie, roasts, fish pie etc (aside from the roast I dislike the other 2 immensely) oh and risotto (again, don’t really like it). She even wanted to weigh my eldest which I declined, I think that was a red flag to a bull (but I know roughly how much she weighs, she’s proportionate and looks healthy but petite, I’m 5’3 so it’s hardly a shock she’s petite but I don’t want to make a big deal out of weight or size). She said she’ll call back in a few weeks to see how things are going.

OP posts:
Imabitbusyatthemoment · 10/10/2022 18:47

I honestly thought I was about to read a menu of rice crispies, jam sandwiches and smiley faces. Yours is an excellent menu!

The fact that your 3.5 year old, at prime fussy age, will eat all of that os evidence that you’re providing fantastic variety. I’d be happy to eat all those meals!

I also think this two cooked meal business is ridiculous. I’d never heard of such a thing until I moved to this country. The HV better get over to Australia without delay as apparently there’s a whole nation of malnourished citizens. 🙄

PinkFrogss · 10/10/2022 18:48

Another vote for there being a racial element. Make a complaint OP

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