Should my husband get a say in whether I breast feed?

[RHarrison234]

My second baby has just been born and my husband wants to formula feed so he can feel helpful. He says he feels useless and he should get a say. I want to exclusively breast feed and I always take the baby when she’s hungry (never complain) and I do the nights, husband sleeps upstairs in a separate room so his sleep isn’t disrupted. I think the breast feeding is my decision and if I want to do it he should respect it. Am I wrong?

Tell him to feel helpful by doing the million other baby related things he can do without stopping you breastfeeding.
Nappies, baths, errands, washings etc

He can feel helpful in other ways like nappy changing and bathing, etc
Maybe when the baby is older you can feed expressed milk from a bottle

No he doesn't.
if he wants to get involved there are PLENTY more things that he can do...why don't you express a bit every so often so he can feed her with breast milk from a bottle?

He can feel useful by keeping the house clean and looking after you, and taking the baby in between feeds so that you can get some rest, particularly early in the morning.

He doesn't get a say in whether or not you breastfeed.

No.

Is your relationship a bit rocky generally?

Wow, no.

Total red flag that he should want to prevent you for his benefit.

Is he overbearing in other ways?

Beyond alarming that he feels negatively about one of the most positive things you can do for your baby. Puts his feelings above the baby's welfare. Wants to dilute or come between your bond?

Big red flag.

He needs to get a bloody grip if he feels useless over one task he cant do.
He can do everything else from bathing, clothing changing nappies, playing , taking baby on pram walks etc.
Your body your choice, always!

Do you think there is more to it? Some men see their partners boobs being for them so actively try to discourage breast feeding.

Breast milk is the most nutritionally perfect food for your baby (I FF before anyone jumps on me) so I find it very sad he's wanting to prevent baby from accessing all the benefits of BM just because he wants a go feeding.

I always joke now but I think it's helped with baby and bonding that I did the input for baby he did output. He did the input (fed me) for me..... You get the idea. I don't think it is solely your decision as it will have an impact on him, but I do thin breastfeeding is best if you can and that shouldn't trump feeling useful.

The only "helpful" part of feeding is doing the night feeds so you can get a decent nights sleep.

If he's not offering to do this then he can sod off.

(If he is, I would consider expressing so you've got the option)

No, he doesn’t get a say in this. If you want to maybe you could express milk for him to do night feed. Entirely up to you though.

Congratulations on you new baby.

And it isn't about 'feeling helpful', is it?

Because there are so many millions of ways in which his help will literally be a godsend, and make life easier for you all, especially you.

But that's not what he wants. In fact, I suspect that as this is your second baby, he can see full well where his help should be going, and how essential it is, and that's why he doesn't want to do it, because he feels he should be the most important person with the central role not the supporting one.

He wants to be the one sitting feeding the baby, while you wash up/cook/clean/do laundry.

He wants to be the one in charge

He wants to be the one taking control while you support him.

None of these are good signs.

He can be helpful in many other ways especially looking after first child.

Of course he gets a say but his reasons should be based on what is best for child and then you not what makes him feel good. Tell him to get a grip and do something else if he feels so useless.

Cynical side of me wonders if he sees you sitting breastfeeding thinks it looks easier than tidying or playing with older child. (I realise it is very hard, not claiming it is easy just that may be what he thinks)

@RHarrison234

My second baby has just been born and my husband wants to formula feed so he can feel helpful. He says he feels useless and he should get a say. I want to exclusively breast feed and I always take the baby when she’s hungry (never complain) and I do the nights, husband sleeps upstairs in a separate room so his sleep isn’t disrupted. I think the breast feeding is my decision and if I want to do it he should respect it. Am I wrong?

Selfish bugger. Tell him to fuck off and start doing nappy changes and bathtimes to bond. Dads who insist on formula to ‘bond’ do it simply because they think they’re too good for the messy stuff.

@Skeumorph

And it isn't about 'feeling helpful', is it?

Because there are so many millions of ways in which his help will literally be a godsend, and make life easier for you all, especially you.

But that's not what he wants. In fact, I suspect that as this is your second baby, he can see full well where his help should be going, and how essential it is, and that's why he doesn't want to do it, because he feels he should be the most important person with the central role not the supporting one.

He wants to be the one sitting feeding the baby, while you wash up/cook/clean/do laundry.

He wants to be the one in charge

He wants to be the one taking control while you support him.

None of these are good signs.

Yes this.

No he doesn't get a say and when the novelty wears off and you're the one making bottles up to the crying baby tune, you might just feel a bit stabby towards him.

HIS job is to make sure you're comfortable and supplied with everything you need for nursing marathons and to do the house grunt work. As well as bathtime and nappies.

He has his role to play.

He thinks his feelings are more important than baby's health, immune system, bond with mother, mother's health? There are so many health benefits to breastfeeding for you and baby, if you can do it, why would he want you both to miss out? He needs a bloody sharp wake up call.

No he doesn't get a say. It's your body. There's loads of other things he can do to be helpful. If it's about feeding the baby, he'll get the chance to bottle feed at a later stage if that's what you want to do.

Congratulations on your new baby!

He is talking nonsense. If he wants to bond more with the baby, he can do nappy changes and bath times. Cuddling and rocking, taking her out in a sling or pushchair.

His job is to support YOU while you feed the baby, not get jealous and start making demands.

He can be helpful by doing everything he can to support you breastfeeding.

Nope. It's your body and your choice. However, it's his baby too and it sounds as if he's just feeling left out, which is perfectly reasonable so long as he's being nice about it. Perhaps you could both think of another way he could bond with baby or be helpful.

Give him a scrubbing brush and a pair of gloves and explain the toilet needs cleaning if he wants to be helpful.

You know the answer to this
The question you should ask yourself is why he’s behaving this way.

Breastfeed your baby.
This isn’t about help it’s about control

He sleeps in a separate room so as to be undisturbed whilst you tend to the baby every night?

Pah.

But even if he was the most attentive dad hopping out of bed every time she cried he still has no right to dictate how you feed your child. Tell him to back off.