Am I being mean to my 4 month old?

[Atticus500]

I’ve read A LOT about sleep and “best practice” for babies since becoming a first time parent, and consequently spend all my time trying to do everything right. I know this is exhausting and stressful but I do at the very least need a routine and some semblance of a schedule so it seems to work for me. However, DD, who is 19 weeks, looks constantly shattered. I’ve got her on a 3 nap schedule with 1 hour naps every 2.5 hours throughout the day and bed at 7.30pm. She wakes for a bottle once or twice, and often sleeps through completely and always has to be woken at 7am. I feel really mean - am I depriving her of sleep? 3 hours of day sleep seems like maybe too little for her age? But then again, I’m keen for her to sleep well at night. Any thoughts? (I should add - she’s a big baby in the 99th centile and is currently taking 40oz and purées every day)

Personally, I would never wake a baby at 7am.
But that’s easy for me to say, like you I was very keen on the idea of a routine (but it never worked for me), and if I’d found something that had DD sleeping through the night I’d have clung on to it. But from an outside perspective, I’d say let her sleep until she wakes up, or you need her awake because you’re going out.

Are you waking her after the naps?

I’d just let her sleep. Are you waking her from naps too?

My 5 month old naps whenever she likes (normally 4-5 times a day) I just go with the flow. She still always goes to bed at 7ish!

If you like there’s a free app called huckleberry that’s tells you when you “should” put them down for a nap based on awake times.

1 hour naps are not the way to go here. The nap at lunchtime should be as long as they need. The longer the better.

I'd cut the later nap to 45mins. They sleep in 45min cycles. So they wake easier at the 45min mark.

Wow! 😳 Just let your baby sleep! If she looks knackered and you’re having to wake her, she probably needs the sleep. On average a 4 month old baby will sleep about 10-12 hrs a night (possibly waking up several times) and nap for about 4-6 hours a day. At that age, you fit in with them, not the other way round. Eventually she’ll develop a pattern you can predictably work with but by imposing a schedule on her you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

I am waking her from naps too. Sometimes she cries at me when I go to wake her and turns away as if to go back to sleep, but I still her her up as that’s what I’ve read I should do (supposedly average sleep for her age is 14.5 hours so that’s exactly what she gets with me waking her up) I even time her naps on my phone so I wake her at exactly the right time. This all feels very cruel though

Also I’d never wake my babies. She sometimes sleeps in till 8:30 and it’s a dream!

If she looks constantly shattered then surely it's clear she needs more sleep?

It feels cruel because it is a bit

I did Gina Ford and even she doesn't advocate waking a 5mo after every nap and at 7am.

If it feels cruel go with your intsticts. I would never wake a baby personally unless I had to leave to go somewhere. Let her sleep and have some me time. She’ll be much happier and so will you :) an overtired baby will be grumpy. They need more sleep some days than others

Just let her sleep. Hour long naps are really not much at that age. She may well not sleep through the night but that’s completely developmentally normal for her age. Babies are meant to wake up in the night. Better to let her follow her instincts at this age rather than force her into an unnatural adult sleep pattern because it’s better for you.

Honestly I think you need to be reading some nicer books that are more focused on natural child development and less on artifically scheduling your baby.

Yep, I would not be waking her at every nap and in the morning. I LOVE a routine, but I was very much led by my DS when he was that age. They can so easily become overtired which isn't great for their mood or for their night time sleep. Plus remember the old phrase "sleep begets sleep", the better they sleep in the day the better they sleep at night. You say she has exactly what is needed - but this is an average recommendation! She might need 15.5 hours and you are depriving her! Let her lead you and she will fall into her own routine, and when she is a bit older you can flex it a little more to suit you.

Jesus Christ. Leave your baby to sleep to their own schedule, they haven’t read a book, books are crap and routines are unnecessary. What are you thinking??!!

Where did you read this nonsense?

You sound too rigid. Your baby is an individual not a perfect 'average' baby.
Let her sleep as long as she needs. She may then drop to two longer naps during the day.

I don't know, it just seems robotic. My children all needed different amounts of sleep, all the way through. I have one grown up who still goes to bed much earlier than their peers. They just sleep lots.

I think cruel is a very emotive word, but it does seem wrong to me.

In the nicest possible way, bin the books, the baby hasn't read them!

Often babies get to find their own sort of routine so you have some sort of idea of what is happening.

Why are you feeding purée food to a four month old?

I always woke mine in the morning and didn’t let them sleep too long at the last nap/close to bedtime. But the other naps I’d let her sleep if she seems to need it.

I would never wake a sleeping baby

What? Never wake a sleeping baby!

You must stop this practice now. It is not healthy or beneficial to your baby. Please don’t do this, it is wrong and quite frankly (although I don’t believe it was intentional) cruel and in fact detrimental to your babies growth, health and development.