Am I being mean to my 4 month old?

[Atticus500]

I’ve read A LOT about sleep and “best practice” for babies since becoming a first time parent, and consequently spend all my time trying to do everything right. I know this is exhausting and stressful but I do at the very least need a routine and some semblance of a schedule so it seems to work for me. However, DD, who is 19 weeks, looks constantly shattered. I’ve got her on a 3 nap schedule with 1 hour naps every 2.5 hours throughout the day and bed at 7.30pm. She wakes for a bottle once or twice, and often sleeps through completely and always has to be woken at 7am. I feel really mean - am I depriving her of sleep? 3 hours of day sleep seems like maybe too little for her age? But then again, I’m keen for her to sleep well at night. Any thoughts? (I should add - she’s a big baby in the 99th centile and is currently taking 40oz and purées every day)

Since I was young I always remember hearing ‘never wake a sleeping baby’ I’ve 4DC and never woke them, leave her be, no wonder she’s shattered.

That is way too little sleep for the large majority of 4 month olds! And yes, the puree thing is odd too.

Where are you reading this? Does your HV know about your schedule? Does he/she have any thoughts?

@Atticus500 I completely understand this from your point of view and I hope you're not upset by the comments...when you are a new parent, you do get advice from books etc because you don't know! Your instincts are telling you she needs more sleep, so you're learning. Try not waking her up and see how you get on.
Good luck!

I’d just leave her and let sleep. Never really thought to wake mine up, but did google stuff all the time and my mum told me off lol

Where did you read this madness? Let the baby sleep.

She is not getting enough sleep!

I followed Gina Ford (who is generally loathed on here) with both of mine and at this age they were reliably sleeping 7-7 at night with a dream feed at 10.30 and then napping from 9.00-9.30 ish in the morning, 12.00-2.30 at lunchtime and then 4.30-5.00.

Your daytime naps seem much too short to me.

Forget the books, bin them, go with your instincts and what your baby wants/ needs

I have three kids and I never read or followed a book about anything
Especially sleep

Leave your baby be and try to relax a little.

Yes, I really doubt OP is doing this to make her own life easier. She'll be doing it because there is some incredibly bossy sleep 'advice' out there which will tell you that you HAVE to be doing xyz and if you're not then your baby will never sleep ever and their brains won't develop and it'll be all your fault. Can be hard to trust your own 'this isn't right...' instincts when you're overwhelmed by that.

This all feels very cruel though confused

If it feels cruel and you are stilling doing it then yes it is cruel

@laundryelf - you can wean at 16 weeks and big babies can’t manage on milk until they are 6 months old. My 2 were both on the 98th centile and I was told never to give them more than one 8oz bottle at once. They needed food at 16 weeks.

Let her sleep for gods sake! The fact you wake her after every single nap and overnight sleep means she has zero opportunity to catch up, this would be cruel to an adult never mind a baby.

The only time I woke my baby up was if we needed to get out the door for some reason or if her last nap was late and I knew it would mean I'd be up till midnight settling her. Put the books down and look at what your baby needs and respond to that. You can only parent the child you've got.

your poor baby, let her bloody sleep

Have a look into baby awake times op. Literally a life changer once I looked that up. We have a rough routine which my nearly 8 month old dropped into by her self as I just followed her. (Although today she decided she wanted a lie in and have 1 10 min nap and then a 90 min nap which is unusual for lol).

As PPs have said, of course you shouldn’t be waking her in the mornings and when you decide every single nap should end. She’s giving you all the cues by acting unhappy and turning away. Why would a generic parenting book know better than your own DD about her body? Listen to your instincts and your baby. Enjoy the quiet time for yourself! I love their naps as I can get stuff done.

Op she will be getting what she needs by sleeping. She's so young!

I’m a routine fan (within reason) but 3 hours of naps all day is definitely too little for a 19 week old!

A baby of 6 months will have 3 hours of naps in the day minimum so a 29 week old definitely needs more.

I would suggest an hour in the morning, as long as she likes in the middle of the day and a short nap in the afternoon.

I read Gina Ford before DD1 and felt really bad after as I was so strict. I was much more relaxed with DS. Your baby needs to sleep and shouldn't look tired. Super strict experts etc just suppress natural instinct in a mother, imho. You know her best, let her sleep, her brain develop etc as they'll sleep as much as they need. You'll miss this time in a year!!

*19 week old

Always worth remembering you baby hasn’t ready any of the books so has no idea what they say they should be doing!

I'd let her sleep OP. She might be overtired.
More sleep during the day may help her night wake ups. Sleep begets sleep I say!
Totally understand you are doing what you think best and it is clear you are a caring mum but she needs more sleep

Your poor baby! Let her sleep. At least one of the naps should be considerably longer than one hour at this age and it sounds like she is desperate for the sleep. Have you literally spoken to anyone else about what you are doing- health visitor, nurse, other mums?! Any other books or websites?! Where on earth is this being recommended?

“You should never wake a sleeping baby”

Is the best advice I was ever given. When I stopped waking her to feed or when I thought she was napping ‘too long’ she now sleeps 7pm -8:30am and has done since about 3/4 months old. Naps she has around 3 a day now she’s 9 months but used to have about 5 shortish naps a day until about 6 months old.

@Atticus500

Probably trying way too much! ...Can you not just let her sleep and wake when she wants?

The fact you have all the numbers dialled in re percentiles, amounts of food , hours slept shows that you are obviously conscientious, but using ''instinct'' can be a heck of a lot less stressful and easier.

Feed when hungry, let them sleep when they are tired.

I'd never have woken DS up at 7am.. {granted he was probably awake by then anyway} ..but be easier on the strict routines.