Am I being mean to my 4 month old?

[Atticus500]

I’ve read A LOT about sleep and “best practice” for babies since becoming a first time parent, and consequently spend all my time trying to do everything right. I know this is exhausting and stressful but I do at the very least need a routine and some semblance of a schedule so it seems to work for me. However, DD, who is 19 weeks, looks constantly shattered. I’ve got her on a 3 nap schedule with 1 hour naps every 2.5 hours throughout the day and bed at 7.30pm. She wakes for a bottle once or twice, and often sleeps through completely and always has to be woken at 7am. I feel really mean - am I depriving her of sleep? 3 hours of day sleep seems like maybe too little for her age? But then again, I’m keen for her to sleep well at night. Any thoughts? (I should add - she’s a big baby in the 99th centile and is currently taking 40oz and purées every day)

Bloody hell! My dd used to sleep between 2-3 hours at lunchtime- it was bliss- I got loads done- why earth would you want to wake them? Those days don't last forever!

A quick search for other lists by the OP suggests she is having a tough time as a new mum. I think she gets everyone's points and could probably do with some support and constructive help.......

@Atticus500 I'm going to be a first time mum next year and I am sure I will make mistakes too- I don't think anybody knows what they're doing the first time around! Do you have a partner or family who helps out with your baby? It sounds like you and baby could both do with a bit more rest.

Take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up too much- your instincts are right here I'm sure, she need a bit more sleep.

Yes, it's cruel and very bad for her health.

At 4 months old, my daughter slept for 19 hours. I know this because I tracked it as thought she might have a health issue. She didn't, she just needed more sleep than average. She is 13 now and has always needed more sleep than average.

She is telling you she needs more sleep by her behaviour and the way you describe her as looking shattered.

I also liked a vague routine so I get that aspect but just adjust the routine to give her more sleep.

I read somewhere that not letting your baby sleep enough hinders their development, let her sleep!

@FreekStar lucky cow 😅😅 my son was 2.5yrs old when he started napping. You're so right though - surely OP has heard the oh so famous saying that you NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING BABY.
But OP, don't feel guilty about this, it's a learning curve - good on you for asking for advice.

In the nicest possible way, bin the books, the baby hasn't read them!

Let sleeping dogs and babies lie.

Just let them sleep!

I one read that babies are like us, sometimes we are more tired than others and sometimes we eat more than others. Babies aren't predictable machines so I'm not a fan of enforced schedules.

Stop feeding purée to 4mth
And don’t be rigidly timing naps, it’s so mechanical

At that age DD was asleep for 3 hours and awake for 1. In bed at 7 or 8 and sleeping through til 7.

I never woke her, why would you?

Let her sleep later when it suits you. Have a lie in in the mornings, don't worry too much about a longer sleep at lunch time. Don't let her sleep too much later in the afternoon as it may stop her going to sleep at bed time.

Don't worry about rules about length of sleep needed, think of them more as rough guidelines.

I would not be waking up a 4 month old baby! Just let your baby sleep when they need to sleep and you’ll find a rhythm / routine. Why do you need a strict routine? Are you working? Other DC? You sound a bit anxious tbh - perhaps you should speak to your HV

@ @wearywithteens i guess sad facebecause it goes against all current guidelines which have been carefully researched. Babies aren't developed before this for food, only milk. Eldest is now 19 and the guidelines were 6 months then so it's not a recent change.

I think there’s a happy middle. I wouldn’t say never wake a baby. If baby falls asleep at 5ish and bed time is 8ish I wouldn’t let them have a 2 hour nap then, surely no one would? Unless I was looking after someone else’s baby so wouldn’t have to deal with that baby that night!!

Oh and stop trying to do everything 'right'. Trust me, by the time you get to #4 you will realise that the main job for those baby books is propping up the table after the toddlers ate through the leg

The people who write these silly books are trying to make money from worried first time parents who are anxious about not making mistakes.

Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as perfect parenting.

Ditch the book and chill out a bit.
A relaxed mum = a happy baby.

Haven't read the full thread, but OP if you say you've read you need to do this, you're reading the wrong books! Read Sarah Ockwell Smith "Why Your Baby's Sleep Matters"

It's a super short, easy to read book, but so informative x

I’ve had 2 children and I’ve never woken them up, I was just guided by when and how much they needed to sleep. I don’t get all this following a book thing sorry. You have an individual baby, why not respond to their needs rather than looking on page 35 and following it so rigidly.

I think you get the idea now op
Get rid of whatever baby torture manuals you are reading and follow your babies cues

Leave the poor child in peace

That is awful, don’t wake your baby, she needs her sleep at this age for development. Imagine somebody coming in and waking you in the middle of a deep sleep. I’ve found with my dc they sort of fell into their own routine eventually, I followed their lead.

a first time "parent"?

What are the publishing dates of the books you are following?