Am I being mean to my 4 month old?

[Atticus500]

I’ve read A LOT about sleep and “best practice” for babies since becoming a first time parent, and consequently spend all my time trying to do everything right. I know this is exhausting and stressful but I do at the very least need a routine and some semblance of a schedule so it seems to work for me. However, DD, who is 19 weeks, looks constantly shattered. I’ve got her on a 3 nap schedule with 1 hour naps every 2.5 hours throughout the day and bed at 7.30pm. She wakes for a bottle once or twice, and often sleeps through completely and always has to be woken at 7am. I feel really mean - am I depriving her of sleep? 3 hours of day sleep seems like maybe too little for her age? But then again, I’m keen for her to sleep well at night. Any thoughts? (I should add - she’s a big baby in the 99th centile and is currently taking 40oz and purées every day)

@GoldenOmber

Yes, I really doubt OP is doing this to make her own life easier. She'll be doing it because there is some incredibly bossy sleep 'advice' out there which will tell you that you HAVE to be doing xyz and if you're not then your baby will never sleep ever and their brains won't develop and it'll be all your fault. Can be hard to trust your own 'this isn't right...' instincts when you're overwhelmed by that.

This. The advice is very old fashioned and I imagine @Atticus500 isn’t getting the usual much better advice from health visitors and other mothers at baby groups.

I would stop waking her she will be so tired. Mine have always been on the high end of normal sleep (my 9 month old still sleeps 16 hours a day!). Follow your babies lead. It’s unlikely coming off this rigid pattern will destroy her sleep routine anyway but will make her happier.

Also if you are a routine type of mum The Baby Whisperer is a gentler one

Bloody hell!! I'd just let her sleep, then enjoy the peace when she does! Be less prescriptive. Babies haven't read the manual...

[quote Uhtredswoman]@Atticus500 I completely understand this from your point of view and I hope you're not upset by the comments...when you are a new parent, you do get advice from books etc because you don't know! Your instincts are telling you she needs more sleep, so you're learning. Try not waking her up and see how you get on.
Good luck![/quote]
So true...@Atticus500** trust your instincts.
You know your baby better than anyone else. 👍

Neither of mine had a schedule, nor were they put down for naps very often. They were in a sling most of the time. I couldn't tell you what their routine was, they didn't have one.

They both slept through eventually years later

Babies don't need a routine, they need cuddles and responsive parenting.

Glad to read these comments... I felt like my 3 month old boy has no routine / consistency. He’s just come out of the newborn stage so is finding more of a routine, be we feed / sleep whenever he needs. I just feel as I’m at home anyway on maternity leave, that I work around him. I have no other kids, though.

The only time you should wake a sleeping baby is if they are newborn and were born premature or small and you are waking them to feed after two or four hours.

What happened to following your baby's cues and not treating them like some sort of robot to be switched on and off according to a strict schedule?

For goodness sake let the poor baby sleep! My daughter is nearly 7 and still sleeps 12 hours a night during the week ( I have to wake her at 7) and more at weekends as she's shattered. She has always needed more sleep than the average child. Some nights she's asking to go to bed at 5.30 especially after a swimming lesson!

In all honesty it sounds like you are very anxious and trying to get everything perfect. Having a happy healthy baby is perfect enough, don't sweat the small stuff.

If an average baby (whatever that is) needs 14.5 hrs sleep then some babies will need more and some will need less (yes I'm thinking of one of mine who seemed to need about 6 hrs) Let her sleep.

Page 5 and OP has not returned.

Please god throw the book away. Your baby needs sleep and milk. She does not need purees yet.

Let your baby sleep when she wants to, there are no set rules.

Just let her sleep! I'm not surprised she seems tired. She hasn't read the book

Please don't wake her and stop with the purées - current advice is to wait until 6 months.

You need to let her nap when and for as long as she wants. And stop purées too, she's too young to be weaned.

@Atticus500

I am waking her from naps too. Sometimes she cries at me when I go to wake her and turns away as if to go back to sleep, but I still her her up as that’s what I’ve read I should do (supposedly average sleep for her age is 14.5 hours so that’s exactly what she gets with me waking her up) I even time her naps on my phone so I wake her at exactly the right time. This all feels very cruel though

Oh Atticus! She is telling you, her mum, to ''Please let me sleep on''... Throw that silly book into recycling, and let her sleep. You have a good instinct in you...

''This feels very cruel though''..

It is...She can have alarms set when she has to get up for school, but for now.... Enjoy her following your rules , not some outdated thing from yonks ago.

I love a schedule, and had my babys routine down to a fine art by 4 months. The routine was entirely based around what she naturally did, and she just basically did the same thing every day, but I NEVER woke her from a nap. She napped when she wanted for as long as she wanted. I did try keep her up after 4PM to ensure she slept at night, but that was it. Sleep is important for their development, as is letting them naturally create their own routine.

I know how hard it can be when these days we are meant to do "best practice" based on research all the time, but your baby hasn't read any research. It's like trying to say we as adults should all do the same thing at the same time every day.

yes definitely let her sleep as long as she needs in the morning.

I also just let my baby sleep and wake up whenever she wanted at that age. It was lovely when she’d have a really long nap so I could have a break!

Even now at 9 months I pretty much let her nap and wake up on her own schedule - although it is roughly the same most days.

4 month old having purees :(

If she's sleeping and eating and toileting bollocks to all the books that say do this, so that. Go with your instinct. Enjoy a happy baby, be a happy parent

I'm getting images of Monica from friends. Are you that type of person, OP? It all feels very highly planned and detailed for a tiny baby.

And yes, I'd imagine she's tired because literally every time she sleeps, she's getting woken up before she's ready. Imagine NEVER EVER being able to just sleep until you comfortably wake up of your own accord. I wouldn't like it!

I would try to loosen up a little. Babies don't need military schedules.

@HelloRose

4 month old having purees :(

I wonder if it is an archaic old book that OP found? Sounds very 1950's.