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Parenting

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My MIL bit my son

202 replies

Yorkymidge · 08/07/2020 17:36

Hi, looking for some advice.

I’ve had to go back to work and had to work away last night, so i left my son (17 months) at my MIL’s as my mum is ill and shielding. Me and my MIL have a very on-off relationship, which i have kept to myself and not let that colour my son’s relationship, or my partners with her. She has always had equal rights in comparison to my mum. We haven’t seen my parents since before lockdown, and only seen her once last weekend because i knew he was going to have to stay with her last night. So bare in mind apart from that, he hasn’t seen her in a long time. When i picked him up this afternoon, she told me he’d bit her in anger (very rarely bites) so she’d bitten him back, so he smacked her so she smacked him back and kept smacking him when he stopped smacking her. I’m not an over-protective parent but i’m livid. At the time, i didn’t say anything, i just stared at her because i thought my partner had heard, turns out he didn’t because it was loud. But now i wish i had, i’m so mad. Is my vision just coloured or do i have a right to be mad? I feel like if i wouldn’t do it as his mum, then nobody should. He’s a very switched on little boy and knows when he’s done wrong, he knows to say sorry and give cuddles and kisses and is generally well behaved. I’m stuck with how to take this.

TIA.

OP posts:
3rdtimelucky2019 · 08/07/2020 17:39

They'd never see my child again. Simple as.

The way to teach a child that biting is wrong is not biting them back. That's horrible!

Mintjulia · 08/07/2020 17:40

That's your MIL off the babysitting list. Forever.

CucumberTree · 08/07/2020 17:41

She is just wrong. I’m sorry.

ArfArfBarf · 08/07/2020 17:41

I’d also never ask her to babysit again. 17 months old is still a baby.

Floralnomad · 08/07/2020 17:42

She would never be being left alone with him again , that’s if she ever actually got to see him again . Does he have the bite mark on him still if so photograph it .

user135664323455 · 08/07/2020 17:42

She assaulted a child. Repeatedly.

thistimelastweek · 08/07/2020 17:43

I suspect your son will solve this for you. He won't want to go within ten yards of her. And who could blame him

user135664323455 · 08/07/2020 17:44

If she has left marks I would be reporting her to the police. You still could without visible injuries, only given our shitty legal system they would be very unlikely to do anything in which case you would suffer more consequences than she would.

Mmmmycorona · 08/07/2020 17:44

She wouldn’t be seeing my child again if I were you.

ButterflyWitch · 08/07/2020 17:47

Others might think I'd be over dramatic- but I'd genuinely report her for assault for this. And she's likely never see us again. But I'm zero tolerance for things like this

Mylittlepony374 · 08/07/2020 17:47

Holy shit. The smacking would be enough for me never to leave my kids with her unsupervised again but she also bit him???! He's a little baby and she both hit him and bit him. Id be furious. I'd tell her that as she's assaulted my child she would never babysit again.

StopGo · 08/07/2020 17:47

What has your DP said about his DM doing that your child? He should be dealing with his mother.

EugenesAxe · 08/07/2020 17:50

Wow... that’s really messed up. No YANBU - she can’t have him again.

What an idiot! Unless she is self-sabotaging because she’s not that bothered about her GCs and doesn’t want to be relied on for babysitting anymore. It would be terrible at any age, but at 17 months?!

timetest · 08/07/2020 17:51

She bit your baby. There’s no way she should be left alone with any infant ever again.

RandyLionandDirtyDog · 08/07/2020 17:53

Your MIL smacked and bit a 17 month old baby?

Seriously? What fucking planet is she on?
He’s just a baby. Babies aren’t expected to understand the consequences of their actions until they’re considerably older but adults should definitely know.

I’d report her to the police for assault as that’s completely unacceptable behaviour and she needs to understand that what she did was criminal.

sunflowersandtulips50 · 08/07/2020 17:54

She told you she bit and smacked your baby and you stood and said nothing. Sorry but I would be on the phone now telling her that you were shocked and that she wont be having 1 on 1 time with your DC ever again

minielise · 08/07/2020 17:55

What got him so angry in the first place if he’s not a biter? I wouldn’t be able to stop myself biting and hitting her the nasty piece of work!

labyrinthloafer · 08/07/2020 17:56

That is criminal. I am not being hyperbolic.

I can't even imagine how I would deal with that, but would not be letting her in the same room again.

You are very lucky she told you as your child is so young, this could have happened without your knowledge.

Yorkymidge · 08/07/2020 17:57

I’m so so mad at myself for not saying anything. I don’t know why i didn’t, but i really wish i had because when i got home i’d wound myself up and i was so upset. My partner is partially deaf, so even though i assumed he’d heard, he hadn’t. He’s mad too and says he will call her when he’s calmed down, although he says that he doesn’t think she’d of done it hard but to me that’s not the point. When we arrived, my son was happily playing with her so i didn’t think any different until she started to telling me that he’d been naughty and done that after around 30 mins of us being there. There’s no marks but again, that’s not the point. It’s kind of bewildered me how she was so comfortable telling me that she’d done it? She didn’t seem embarrassed or like it was wrong, she just brushed it off and said “well he’ll definitely never bite me again” she never laid a finger on my partner when he was a child so i don’t know why she thinks she can with my son.

I’ve always had a slight problem with her because of how she is as a person, i suppose a bit of a personality clash, but i’ve never faulted her for how she was as a grandma until now. My partner is also a bit of a mummys boy and i don’t want to cause friction between the two, but i also wont stand for that behaviour

OP posts:
Yankathebear · 08/07/2020 17:58

If she was a dog she would be pts!
What does your dh say about his abusive mother?

Yorkymidge · 08/07/2020 17:59

She always acts like my son is the best thing ever and that she loves him so much, which confuses me more. I don’t want to do anything whilst i’m so angry, i need to calm down first

OP posts:
sunflowersandtulips50 · 08/07/2020 18:01

Folks say the same that end up killing there Dc or abusing them. Please stop making excuses for this woman. It may be a light bite or a small tap- its isnt the point. You dont want your DC treated like that by those around him

Fanthorpe · 08/07/2020 18:02

A human bite can be dangerous, did she break the skin? Does it look ok? Clean it with antiseptic and monitor it.

Iwonder08 · 08/07/2020 18:02

Any chance she meant she sort of playfully pretended to bite him? It is so strange she just calmly told you that.. Otherwise let your DH tell her off and never ever leave you child with her

Fanthorpe · 08/07/2020 18:03

Sorry, I see there’s no mark.