Is it selfish to have an only child?

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This is the first time I have posted on here - much reading of other posts but never created my own. Anyway, I guess I'm just looking to gather peoples thoughts about only children. My dh and I are parents to one 21 month old daughter who I can honestly say is the love of my life. Although I absolutely love being a mum I am unsure as to whether i could cope with anymore. I am 35 - my husband is 37 and I just think we started to late! The only thing that makes us unsure is the thought of our daughter not having any siblings. Both of us come from families with 2 children and are close to our siblings and their families. The thoughts of christmas and family holidays where she doesn't have a little playmate make me feel really sad! Nor do I want my daughter thinking that we didn't enjoy being parents so decided not to have any more! Perhaps I'm thinking about this too much! Any opinions gratefully recieved....

lol yup, I am 3andnomore, really, lol!"
Oh, and Happy you will love to hear that my original proffession is a Nurse, but don't have my registration anymore, and not sure if i will return into Nursing ever. Am now working on Bank/relief basis with a company that has a few residential care homes for children in care setting in the area...but not sure if I would want to do that full time ever...it's mostly 24 hours shifts, which is fine and makes sense...but as fulltime staff you have to do 3-4 shifts a week, which I don't think I could commit too...also, the children are so difficult at tiems (because they often have been through so much), it's one thing to be able to do it on a as and when basis, but to do that many shifts a week...not sure if that is for me.
Am actually gonna apply to a Job I saw in the pares yesterday, they are looking for a Older persons Support co-ordinator, which looks quite fabulous...
ooops...am rambling to randomly again...nothing new there....
BTW, I also like Enya It' s such relaxing music.

lol at the supernanny scenario...come to my house...put anyone off for life

good luck with finding the right job for you malfoyandnomore.ramble away-i love to read posts.
YAY-another Enya fan.Have you got a favourite tune,or is it just Enya in general?-i like most of them-especially 'paint the sky with stars'and
'if you really want to'(don't know proper name-just quoting lyric!).
Have you a favourite ellasmum?

no favourites as such, no...don't really have favourites with music, just know what I like to listen too in general...quite a diverse range, I suppose...like Depeche Mode, Take That, UB40...and so many more...

Hi happyathome and malfoynomore, had a computer free night last night before dh left me through neglect! Had a dream the other night that I adopted a toddler- was a bit sad it wasn't real when I woke up. Think that idea appeals to me as I wouldn't have to go through the pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding/pureeing veg!! Selfish- moi? There is quite alot of adoption throughout my extended family and I think it is a great thing to do. Why bring another child into the world when there are so many desperate for a family?
Unfortunately my dh is categorically against the idea so I can (literally) only dream!

My favourite Enya tracks are the upbeat ones-
Orinocco Flow and Carribean blue. The slow one i like begins "when the evening falls and the daylight is fading" Don't know name of song!
Do either of you like Sade at all? She sings lovely relaxing type music .

I can understand why you don't want to go back to work malfoynomore , I couldn't do that, sounds stressful- 24 hr shifts!! I do 12 hr nights and they are bad enough! Like you I have an extremely varied music collection- ranging from classical to Nirvana/chilli peppers/pearl jam to UB40/Enya/Sade/George Michael and then loads of R'N'B.Oh and I have always really liked Michael Jackson's music. Have never been into the girl/boybands for some reason though.

happyathome You must get a digital camera! Shame on you wasting those photography skills! Then you will be able to store all your photos on your computer/cds and have plenty of space in your cupboards! And you can edit them/crop them and create cds with slideshows to your favourite music!

Yes you are right about the hijacking of this thread, How shall we begin the new thread then? The only thing about using "chat" is that our words of wisdom will not live on in the site for others to learn from- a tradgedy surely?!

I don't know many peple who regretted having a second child even if it arrived by accident so I would say go for it but it has to be your decision and your husband's. I know our three were not happy when they heard I was expecting the twins but I am sure now they wouldn't be without them.

hi ellasmum,i will start a thread called,'northerner's mum's chit chat',that we can talk on,in chat section.Have a look from tommorow onwards.guess if i think of something related to this topic i will come back to it with my comment.guess other mums might keep looking at this thread ,hoping for a thread related comment and being .dissapointed eh?!.
Yes i love Carribean Blue and Orrinoco.
Not heard of Sade,will keep my eyes open for it(ears i mean ),thanks!.
I will probably get a dig camera sooner or later.Waiting for DH to update computer equipment.No speakers to hear music on comp either(in dark ages here).
best go,promise myself i will dedicate myself to DD and DH on Saturdays..only way to curb my mumsnet habit a bit.just thought i'd check today
sent pics to mumsnet for them to upload,but got an error message that sent them back to us-so it's a no go for now unfortunately-sorry!
bye,have a good weekend everybody.

ps/shame your DH isn't into adoption idea.I admire people who want to do that.It wouldn't appeal to me personally though,although good i guess if you don't want to do babyhood again and also your first child,would have a sib closer in age if you've really wanted a small gap and couldn't get one ttc,(so they could hopefully be pals,rather than not much in common with baby sib).
maybe he will 'come round' to the idea one day eh?!.

i like Micheal Jackson music too and not that into girl/boy bands either!(think i'm jealous of the girls in those deep down -they're fit,dance well,look like they're having fun as a group of friends..have all the things i don't...well except dd[WINK]..LUCKY ME[GRIN]

Sticking my two-pence worth in now... Basically it would appear that we 'Do Two's' in my family, I'm one of 2, so's DH, my Mum, and my cousins... I just always saw my family unit as having two children in it, and lucky me I've got that.
My Dad is an only child who's own father passed away several years ago. The result is that every 'family' occasion/holiday (Christmas, Easter, etc etc) my parents have to have his Mum to stay. Dad doesn't actually get on with, or have anything in common with his own Mother but there's no-one else she can go to. Even when she had an op earlier this year. My parents have come very close to separation on a few occasions over the years because of this.
My point is that if my Dad had had a sibling there would be someone to share the care and responsibility with, so abit like early postings it'd be a case of having another child for their future...
Now my Dad has been diagnosed with Parkinsons disease I'm grateful of having a sibling - someone who I can speak to about his future with a shared knowledge, fears and love...

I'd also add that the only two members of my family who're Only Children (my Dad and his MIL) have never got on. Part of that, we're sure, is the fact that they're not used to sharing, backing down or not being the centre of attention.... Hmmmmm...

I had my first at 37, and had no particularly strong feelings about having another one. But we did (more by luck than judgement!) and I am SOOOOO glad we did. They are now 6 and 11, and watching them interact is a complete delight. They enjoy each other so much, and take such support from each other that even when they become inevitably less close as teenage years loom, I am sure that the strong basis of their relationship means that they will be good friends again in the future.

My feeling is that unless you have strong feelings about NOT having another one, then go for it if possible. And if you're worried about having enough energy, two is definitely easier than one!±