Is it selfish to have an only child?

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This is the first time I have posted on here - much reading of other posts but never created my own. Anyway, I guess I'm just looking to gather peoples thoughts about only children. My dh and I are parents to one 21 month old daughter who I can honestly say is the love of my life. Although I absolutely love being a mum I am unsure as to whether i could cope with anymore. I am 35 - my husband is 37 and I just think we started to late! The only thing that makes us unsure is the thought of our daughter not having any siblings. Both of us come from families with 2 children and are close to our siblings and their families. The thoughts of christmas and family holidays where she doesn't have a little playmate make me feel really sad! Nor do I want my daughter thinking that we didn't enjoy being parents so decided not to have any more! Perhaps I'm thinking about this too much! Any opinions gratefully recieved....

nothing new there happy....parenting really seems to be a constant you are damned if you do and damned if you don't...sigh....

just looked at your profile pictures 3andnomore.your kids are georgeous.
do you have a pet?.If not has your kids ever pestered you?-wonder if onlies ask more that's all-to cure loneliness or something.
unfortunately,no cousins at all for our DD(more guilt-no extended family),although as an only,i'm not close to mine.Not too bothered i guess.
starting to sound like a nosy journalist aren't i.Just look at pics sometimes,so i can visualise person i'm talking too.More personal.Iv'e not done one though.No photo
facilities for computer.

Hi happyathome, nice to see you on here at night- back from work now and had to check if you had replied, mumsnet v addictive!
Lol about pet- dd ADORES cats and would love one more than anything. At present we don't have pet and I swore I didn't want the responsibility of one, but I do like cats too and have been secretly imagining getting her a kitten/cat for christmas(obviously I'd be caring for it not dd!) but dh more of a dog person and I just couldn't ever have a dog! So will have to see what happens. We gave her a battery operated cat a month or so ago which she loves and has named Megan, but obviously its not quite the same. I do sort of feel more inclined to give her a pet eventually if we aren't having another child, just that cliche of the only child who says my pet was my best friend etc. Its the guilt again!!
We have to read "Mog" cat stories every night.
Tonight she is sleeping with two beads(from a necklace making kit) on her bedside table who she tells me are her best friends!! If thats not worrying I don't know what is.

About the job thing- I love looking after WOMEN and their families when they have a baby, and feel so priveledged and thrilled to be apart of such an amazing experience,and I appreciate how lovely it is to have a new baby. I just don't feel anything(not bad feelings!) towards the babies themselves. So they never make me broody. If anyone goes into midwifery because they like babies its SO the wrong career. We help at the delivery , but then the baby is handed to the mum and we have very little to do with the baby itself!
So did you not have/ want a pet as a child then happyathome?
Oh and I live near stoke on trent, staffs. So we're both Northerners! I was born and brought up in Northern Ireland though.
I recommend Mumsnet to alot of the new mums I care for because it is FANTASTIC!

happy, thank you for your lovely comments about my Kids...well, I obviosuly think they are adorable (even though they can be hard work and are right little monsters at times, especially when they fight like cats and dogs....now there is a good point for onlies...no sibling rivalry and fighting....)
We do have a Dog, we always had one really....we are very lucky because our dog is absolute marvellous and very forgiving if he is handled a bit roughly by the KIds....they do say mungrels make the best pets...and that is certainly true for our mutt.
My ex-next door neighbour has an only child, and their boy is absolutely lovely. Yes, he may gets more materialistic stuff, but he also has lots of attention showered on him, and I don't think that is bad at all....they always did so much with him and truely enjoyed their son and spending time with him....that si, where maybe multiple children can be disadvantaged, as it is so hard to give loads of attention to them all the time, and I do feel sorry for my eldest at times, because well,he is expected to be my little grown up, but really at the age of 11 is still a little boy, iykwim...and well, my ms hasn't got an easy life neither, he is 6 1/2 years younger then his older brother, which means to him his older brother will always be so much more clever then him, and is allowed so much more, etc...and then he is only 21 month older then my ys, which meant he had to grow up a bit when ys was born and went from being the Baby to having to be my big boy....I think my ys has the easiest position in teh family.
oh, I am rambling as usual.....

Oh and hi 3nomore , I agree your children are lovely! Respect to you for being able to manage three!

thanks ellasmum...and lol...I beleived peopel when they said that after 2 children it doesn't really matter and it all falls easily in place and not much more work....imo...that is a LIE a blatant lie...but I suppose one muddles through....

Yes some people definately have some peverse desire to encourage others to do as they did - loads have people have fed me the two children is easier that one line- and I can tell they are frustrated that I won't fall for it!

lol...
must say though...the mainreason we decided to go for #3 was, that ds 2 was a brill Baby and just stopped Breastfeeding far to early for my liking...I really wanted to do teh whole extended breastfeeding thing...but he had other ideas at 10 month....weird reasons I suppose....well...woudn't be without ds3 now....(although the first few month I would have happily returned him for a refund, if that had been possible, lol...

Hi again fellow northener.
lose count,the number of times i check mumsnet.was going to go down to my DH,at about 9:00,then got carried away!.
you sound like a wonderful midwife,wish you'd been mine,for my birth...mine told me i didn't need to scream(i think,through g&a haze)..poor woman,i deafened her!..with respect,she was good.If i were ever to take up a medical career then,i suppose it should be something to do with development in the womb...totally fascinated by 'pregnant tummys'and baby's growth and those documentaries about 'life before birth'.Did you see any of those.Would love to see those whilst pregnant with a second,wouldn't you?.
again-you got a battery animal too,within the last month!!-DD 'dog' is named 'fluffy'(real name on box scamps .I made mistake of telling her it wasn't real-now she throws that in my face...she rarely plays with it though,don't understand.Got her a realistic Annabell doll too-again ignored
mostly.Maybe she craves the sponteneity of
a 'real' relationship though-she knows her friends/real dogs,don't answer the same thing every time (and hear her first time!!).
Ours is a 'fur real' one,what's yours?.I'm more fascinated by it,but it malts like a real dog .
I had 'cold water' fish(large tank) and a
budgie when about 9 or so.Was scared of budgie landing on me,liked to talk to it though.Fish interesting,but not much company.Dad cleaned both out!.Don't remember thinking it was my 'friend',just fascinated by it i suppose.Remember going to get it in shop.It went beserk chirping,when i was playing my electric organ.
My DH had no pets.Not bothered now.Would be me looking after it-but i can't stand mess and have ezcema on hands(bad just now),so feel conscious of touching animals and getting hands infected,or just can't keep washing things and getting hands wet,or hot in gloves-what a pain!.Got a phobia of dog barks.Jump out of skin and feel shaken if one barks near to me(think i was traumatised as a kid with grandparent's dog.Don't fear dog though?!.
sorry to ramble,just sound like a 'tight' mum,not letting DD have pet and wanted to explain.
LOL at beads.Iv'e had that.Paper butterfly in her bag the other week with real grass and
water for food!,worms down slide,snails in her house,and tonight OMG-small spider fetched in and given raisins and chocolate flake and maltesers to eat...ended up dead anyway from rough handling..i give up.
also had bits of paper and other weird things for 'friends'(can't remember now)-think she sees her dolls as'her children',as opposed to friends.Have a birthday party for one every weekend nearly!!
I pretended that games counters were people when i was a kid though,and i'm sane...honestly

3andnomore-thanks for the reassuring words about onlies and your honesty about the pitfalls of three.Like ellasmum,i also admire your stamina and courage..think my name should be one and a half and no more(seen as i can't commit myself to number two

goodnight both of you.Really need to get to bed.Enjoyed chatting with you.
Sorry,really strayed from thread tonight

Night night then happyathome. Got a bit envious of 3andnomore's lovely profile page so have spent an hour making my own!
Weirdly "megan" the cat is also a fur real toy. only the kitten version actually, not the big expensive one. Bought it for her to have as a suprise gift on airplane on way to corfu so she would not get bored. worked a treat too!
only thing was she kept taking "megan" everywhere and I must have looked like I had lost a child most of the holiday- saying "Where's Megan?" all the time!
Shame about your skin problem- must be hard for you, I get psoriasis and it drives me nuts!
Agree about dd wanting spontanaeity from real pet/friend . my dd would rather play with a real friend/animal for a day than any toy in the world.
Thank goodness dd hasn't started keeping any insects as pets yet- that WILL freak me out,
She can stick to beads!
I really go overboard at christmas because when you are only buying for one it doesn't seem enough to buy a few toys.
And also I'm desperate that she gets one thing that she really loves and often it turns out that thing isn't the one she asked for.
Usually spend xmas day feeling very embarassed about how much I bought.

loved reading your profile page.Was a nice surprise this morning.It's great!.
Your DD is so sweet/pretty.Now i will see your face when i'm posting to you.
I will try to do a page.Will have to see how you put pictures on.Wondered if i could get them on, via a Klick photo cd.Got a disk drive in computer,but a novice at using it.Looks like i've got similar hobbies to you too.
speak to you soon,take care
bye

i cant wait to have lotsa kidz. 1 now 1 on the way. i want 6. i like the number 6. lucky number for me alwayz brings me luck.

It's not selfish to have an only child. I'm an only child and don't have any issues with it. I know others who are not particularly close to their siblings.

I have got two children, and it is lovely to see them play, but they also fight like cat and dog. Just do what you feel is right

made a profile page if you want to see it.Still don't know how to include pictures..will have to look into it,as i don't have a digital camera.

liked your profiles happy and Ellasmum...and yes, that little daughter of yours is gorgeous.

Cortnie, you got summerhols already, are you bored?

summer hols? i left school last summer. one big holiday for me innit

Only read OP so apologies if repeating but I used to wish I was an only child (one of 3 which I hated) however now, my youngest bro and I are really close after the death of our Mum and because we have a crap dad! If I didn't have him I'd feel a bit lost I think so am very glad I wasn't an only child.

I agree with the fact that it's great to have 2 as they play together and amuse each other (even if that involves pulling chunks out of each other's hair, at least you know what they're up to and that they're not putting the cat in the microwave!).

On the flip side having one means you've got more money to spend on them, can give them everything you want (not always a great thing) but have to spend more of your own time amusing them/ playing trains etc.

I think there are pros and cons to each but you are certainly not too old, we are planning 2 more and my dds are 13 & 11.

sorry but holiday time seems to attract Trolls, you know....

thanks for reading malfoynomore

do you like my Harry Potter themed name....some other lovely mnetter came up wiht this one and I really like it....might just keep it, lol...

have seen a bit of Harry Potter,but don't know character names-not really my thing.
glad you like it though

malfoynomore are you threeandnomore then? Sorry if not! Don't know Harry Potter much myself either. Thanks everyone for lovely comments about my profile page and dd. She is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, but every mum feels that way about their child!
Have been feeling great today about just having the one after all the lovely posts on this thread.
Will check out happyathome's profile page now, but am desperate for pics. Think you should be able to upload pics from your cd to a folder in your computer and then from there upload to mumsnet site!

Ok happyathome. I have lots of Enya too, lovely music, went through a phase where I listened to it all the time but recently I need happy,sort of energetic, music to uplift me as I can get a bit depressed listening to soft stuff.
Used to adore casuality/holby city and medical documentaries before I worked in a hospital, I'd feel like I was never off if I watched that stuff now!
Like camcording too but definately prefer photography. If I had time I would love to do a course in it, and get a really good camera too! Have thousands of photos on the computer now. If you get a digital camera a great piece of free software for storing and editing your photos is picasa2. google it!
Oh I ADORE supernanny too! Facinating how she changes the children's behaviour isn't it?
And I love all the films you listed too but don't watch so many rom-coms now as they make me feel a bit hard done by as dh is very unromantic and I end up comparing!

Hi ellasmum.Wow,we do have a lot in common .Wonder if we sometimes attract similar people to ourselves,by the way we write-almost like we reveal our personalities through our posts?!-thought you had to meet someone face to face and read their body language too to get that much info!.Think iv'e posted to you more than anyone else.Funny enough,the handful of friends iv'e made(Emily's friend's mums),have been in the medical profession,mostly nurses ...think i sense the 'caring/gentle' personality.
Know what you mean about Enya...nearly cry(most often do!),as we played it to create a soothing atmosphere, as i lay there in the labour room after the birth.Em was asleep in her hospital cot and i was so relieved it was over.Couldn't believe i'd even had a baby.Was the happiest moment in my whole life(besides wedding!).So it brings back those feelings every time,i think.Made me sad though,whilst i've been agonizing over another to listen to it.
Sometimes do you feel like you might be missing the opportunity for more special moments like that,by not having another?,i do...but of course,we have to make the most of enjoying our DD's now eh?!.
Thanks for the photo tips.I will ask DH,as sure he got some other pics into 'my documents'section.To help cure your curiosity just now,i will describe us:
me-5ft4,brunette,long straight hair and full fringe,blue eyes,ordinary(no potential for being a model!)slight double chin,size 16,wears a constant smile in public,dress sense rubbish-lives in bobbly comfies and very cheap,unflattering clothes,in fact hates 'dressing up',as fit as a 70 yr old!
Emily-total angel/adorable/cheeky.One of smallest in her class,very petite/dainty.(wears age 3-4 clothes mostly)Shoulder length hair,straight,
strawberry blonde(i't looks 'gold' to me),big stunning blue eyes,very sunny kid-smiling and giggling and getting up to no good!.She has similar 'cute' factor to your daughter.

speaking of photos,i went back to college,full time,just before Em,to do technical illustration diploma,and did GCSE
photography at same time.It was ok,but used college cameras and only did black and white and learned how to develop them by hand.Unfortunately,can't remember a thing now-thats the trouble when you do motherhood for a few years and don't keep up with things.I only have cheapish,auto flash 35 mm camera now though.Like you,done billions of pics of Em.Obsessed with every little expression of hers and action.(Oh no,think i will unfortunately become an overpowering mum and she may get too much attention and hen-pecking)One reason not to have another...wouldn't have enough cupboards for all the pics of TWO kids eh.
last night edited music(using little mixer),onto Em's sports day camcording i did of her.Took hours,but really enjoyed the creative side of it and the great results-one of those absorbing hobbies-get to watch Em at her best,listen to your music collection at same time,e.t.c...put chariots of fire on-how corny.
anyway,best go and do housework.not done any all week-oh well,when enthusiasm returns(and health),sure i'll be more productive.got to take Em to a party tonight AND tommorow night!!-like seeing her enjoy them,but far too many a year when they start school,ouch,the noise alone!!-other mums don't stay,but i do(overshadowing mum againAT LEAST NOT TWO LOTS OF PARTIES(2 kids=2 lots of friends...someone obviusly has to miss out sometimes?!)

sorry about your psoriasis-that must drive you nuts too!

yes definately going now...-stupid house makes me feel so guilty!
have a good weekend-although will probably talk to you again before then .
maybe i should start up another thread-just general-get to know each other chat or something-well hijacked this topic now haven't i!...well at least the other mums can see how mum of onlies think and realise hopefully that we're not all that selfish for having one?!

bye

ps/ha ha iv'e not gone yet...my DH not romantic either,but put myself in shoes of filmstar,and it 'gets me going',if you know what i mean-my escape from reality i suppose(it's the old-fashioned,will they or won't they kiss courting behavior i like to see,NOT PORN-yuk!).
And Supernanny-makes me a better mum,using her tips,i am in awe,but can't always keep it up like her!.and those households put me off having more than one for life!!
thought-i want another
action-put supernanny on...totally shocked at how sibs treat each other and chaos
result-no i don't want another