What's the funniest thing your child has said today?

[lyrabelacqua]

I was talking with DS1 (4) about health and fitness and eating properly.
"So," I said to DS1, "what are the two most important things if you want to be good at running," (expecting him to say eating healthy food, keeping fit etc)
he thinks about it for a while and answers: "Legs."

DS2 (2) asks for a drink so I give him some orange juice. he looks at it suspiciously and asks: "Has it got wine in it?"

I went into our bedroom to find my underwear drawer open and DS (nearly 3)standing there looking guilty.

I asked what he was doing and he said "I was just trying on your boobies" (bras)

This morning when I turned over the channel to watch the news instead of cbbc ds2 says "I'm calling my lawyer". So I said "I'll call mine, see you in court!".

The other day DS and I were in the garden and DS fell over. He started crying and came over for a cuddle. I was being sympathetic and asked 'where did you hurt yourself?'. DS pointed to the place he'd been playing in and said'over there!'

dd1 (5) 'Mummy I love you really really much'. Actually, I love everyone in my fambly but especially polar bear!' (polar bear is akin to an imaginary friend except he is a real toy! - if you get my meaning!).

Also - 'Daddy, don't hug Mummy so much. If you have too much hugs you will get a baby'

'Mummy, you're fired!' (I blamed dh for this one!)

dd2(15 months) doesn't say much that's decipherable at the moment but she will come staggering up to you, rest her head on a convenient part of your body and say 'ahhhhh'.

My son was having a tough time at school. I told him that he must go to school or Mummy would go to prison. His reply.......don't worry Mum, I would come and visit you Mum!!!!

Great.............

Ds- "Mummy can I have a battery in my willie today please"

He is 3.5

e and my husband are both white english and so are our children, today a man knocked to read the gas meter he was black and my smallest child ran upto hi and hugged his leg and said daddy daddy

dd (2) sitting on the toilet...
Daddy what's that?
A sink
Daddy what's that?
Soap
Daddy what's that?
Taps
Me happy, taps happy, G'nite x

Me (pointing at picture): What kind of bird is that?
Ds (at about 18 months): A dodo
Me (schoolmistressly): And what do you know about dodos?
Ds: They're very smelly.
Me: Hmm, not sure about that. All I know is that they're extinct.
Ds: Yes, I said that -- they're stinky.

And my younger son, concerned that I might be upset that I was the only one in the household without a willy, once pointed at my breasts and said 'Never mind Mum. You've got nibbles -- they're kind of willies.'
He also told me 'Don't be silly' when I claimed to him that bees made honey. That made me feel rather foolish. So did my older son on the occasion of me telling him that I was pregnant. He smiled politely as if I had made a poor joke, and then said 'A baby growing in your tummy! That would be funny.'

my DS(2) says kiss with a p instead of a k and says clock without the l so my dh keeps getting him to say kiss the clock. I've had words

DS2 aged 7 was telling me that some boys in his class have been getting into trouble for using swear words. We were having a chat about it, and I said to him "you won't use those words, will you?" "No" he replied, then after a moment's pause "only at home."

A week after seeing the Gruffalo theatre production we were in the bank, a nice quiet bank. In walks a soldier in his khakis and beret. Ds shouts rather loudly whilst pointing 'look mummy, there's the gruffalo'

DS's second one of the day -we saw a punk earlier with big red mohican -DS said (rather too loudly ) -"that man looks like a chicken with that thing on his head"

I was listening to my 2 DD (6 and 4) talking while DH was calling them to brush their teeth.
DD1- DD2 daddy is calling you go and brush your teeth.
DD2- naahh, i won't go , he will come to me.

at that moment DH (who couldn't hear the conversation) walks towards DD2 with the toothbrush.

DD2 to DD1: see I told you! Then to helself: is (her name) cheeky?

mummy - our house doesn't have any holes in it so how can we breathe when we are inside?

Me, as I took dd's dolly out of the car at the supermarket: "dolly says she's going to be good"
Dd (age 3), scowling: "the dolly doesn't talk, she's not ^real"

DD (4 next month) on Wednesday when it was very warm, "Mummy, I'm soooooo humid!" - And then to her brother of 22 months, "DB, I understand that you want the trainset out, but we're going out now" - it was the tone of voice that got me........

My eldest was mad on Thoma the Tank engine, but couldn't say the fat Controller so it came out as the f*ing-troller

I was watching Eastenders while pregnant with DD

A bit hormonal, I started crying at one of the scenes

DS1 (aged 3 at the time) came over and higged me and said:

"its OK Mummy, the monsters are gone now"

My son is very fond of Dr Who and the Garlics and the rower pangers. He also likes to say Fg Hell, "I don't say Fg Hell mummy, can you say F** hell mummy

called my brother in law "uncle naked mole rat"
I roared!!!!!
His name is Ian!!

DS - 4. Was asking about the ratings on movies.
I said "Well U is for everyone to watch,
PG means Parental Guidance....
12 means you have to be twelve to watch.
12A means you have to be over twelve to watch."

I also said to DH can you bring some teabags on you way home, as we'd run out.

DH walks in with said teabags, and DS shouts "Oh look mummy, Daddy's got Parental Guidance Tea.!!!"

Yesterday:
DH, seeing my expression after handing me a small hammer in the middle of a totally unrelated conversation: 'Now that's what I call baffled'.
DD1 (5): 'Actually, that's what I call a hammer.'