What's the funniest thing your child has said today?

[lyrabelacqua]

I was talking with DS1 (4) about health and fitness and eating properly.
"So," I said to DS1, "what are the two most important things if you want to be good at running," (expecting him to say eating healthy food, keeping fit etc)
he thinks about it for a while and answers: "Legs."

DS2 (2) asks for a drink so I give him some orange juice. he looks at it suspiciously and asks: "Has it got wine in it?"

On Friday moring DS, who is in need of a hair cut and had a flicky-out bit, looked in the mirror and announced (with high angst and drama)
" I can not go to school today! I look like a pagoda!"

DD (6) said to me "I hate this house, I hate you and I hate daddy, I'm going to leave and live somewhere else".

So I said "Where will you live"?

DD - "um, not sure, next door but one"

And in the shower this morning, DD sitting on the loo watching me - "Mummy, I love you much more when you're dressed" .

Dh cracked a few ribs on Friday. Saturday morning, dd climbs onto bed and nudges him, incurring lots of screaming from dh. Dd just looked at him and said, 'you need to go to the doctor then'and wandered away (from me getting so fed up of him moaning the night before that I said same to him. She phoned FIL last night and told him that daddy had crapped his ribs

My DT2 sang Travis "Closer", unprompted and out of the blue. Didn't know he knew the words. He's 2.5!!!

dd aged 4 looking over my shoulder while i'm reading a "green" magazine

dd "what's that?"

me "a moon-cup sweetie"

dd, puzzled "i don't see any moons"

A few weeks ago, DD (17mo), upon picking up one of those free advert postcards that you pick up around town: "Daddy!!!" It was a postcard of a UGLY (and I do mean ugly) monkey wearing a red jumper. We still show it to her every now and then and, without fail, "Daddy!!"

DD (2) has been to see her cousins this week and I suspect has been told a few 'where babies come from' stories.

On her return I got:

dd: Mummy has a baby in her belly
me: No xxx (dd name) was in my belly but now you are here
dd: Why did you put me in belly?
me: No, I didn't put you there, you grew in there
dd: No, xxx grew in garden. Mummy ATE you!

also

dd: (Pointing to my breasts) Milk in there.
me: Not any more, you drank it all
dd: I did? Wow, was firsty!

and

dd: Horrible mummy. XXX want to go back and live in boobies.

crayon - that reminds me of when ds was about 2. Over a period of a couple of weeks he seemed to develop an aversion to the under stairs cupboard - we finally reliased one day when I was doing some laundry - "mummy please don't get the lion (iron) out" .

Bless him Raggydoll

Raggydoll, that's really sweet.

dd is 21months and mainly just chats away in incomprehensible babble

popped her in her highchair for dinner tonight with plate of homemade burgers and chips and she said..... looking closely at her food ......

"ooooooooooooh sugar tits"!!!!!!!

well thats what it sounded like anyway, me and dh rolling up on the floor and dd got on with eating.

am thinking maybe she has been listening at our bedroom door

after finding out i've got strep B yesterday i was explaing to my dd she would have to start remembering to wash her hands really well for when the baby comes along....

dd 'why?'

me 'because i've got a bug in my tummy'

dd 'is it a big one?'

me 'err, its not a spider or a ladybird!'

We were out near the river with some friends and their well behaved kids (all under 3) and my ds (2), having too much time listening to his daddy started bellowing 'fuck off ducks! Fuck off!". I was mortified....

DD (5) riding a broom handle 'aah mummy, sometimes I just love having something between my legs'!

Just before DS (4) dropped off to sleep he said "you're not ugly, Mummy".

Thanks for that, son

& DS (4) when hearing sister talking about practising for sports day - 'I had a wace today (pause)I won (pause) Dere was a talking dwink'
Me - did you say talking drink?
DS - yesh a talking dwink was wunning. It was chasing me!
............I have no idea (I think he may have been watching too many adverts or having too many additives!)

Ds2 (3) started singing very loudly in Waitrose "I'd rather have a bowl of Coco Pops" - he's never had Coco Pops in his life.

GS (4) whilst watching the talking easter island head in 'Night at the Museum' ... "Nah, he better run, run casue he's a numpty not a dum, dum"

DS1 (3 at the time) looked down in the bath.
'Mummy, I'm an ELEPHANT'

Also 'How do babies get in your tummy?'
Me: Well, Daddy put a special seed in there.
DS1: How did it get there?
Me: Umm...
DS1: I know. He put it in your mouth.

On finding out that my body made milk to feed DD1, 'Wow! You DO have magic powers!'

I do indeed...

My dd has just learned to count but seems to be coming up with some strange results - the baby has 5 ears apparently

She's just had a birthday and I finally got through to her that she is not 6 or 10 but TWO. So apparently 'Daddy is 40. DD is 2. Mummy is 6.'

Dt1 (aged 3) this morning while I was getting dressed, looked at me in the buff and said 'Mummy, you a camel - you got TWO humps!'

Nice.

Also, on Friday, ds1 (age 5) announced at the tea table that Mrs Xxxxx at school has a face like his. We were a little baffled by this, so asked him what she looked like, and he replied in a tone that made us feel quite stupid - 'Me!'

Ds (5) tonight..."I wonder whose dad I'm going to be when I'm an adult"?