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Original poster

4 week old and my partner is vile

206 replies

5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 10:55

I just don't know what to do.
Had a horrible argument with OH last night, it all stemmed from me asking if we were going to be staying at his mums till late... which was a really bad thing to ask apparently and then me commenting because his back tyre needed blowing up and he was happy to drive like this so I made him take me and baby home and didn't go to his mums. I thought he'd of came home and it would of been okay, but it wasn't 🙁
He came home not speaking a word to me, just sulking about, I then heard him go upstairs to bed. I followed him up, he said I'm going to bed really angrily. I asked am i not getting a break today then ( I am bf and literally had held baby all day) he then kicked off saying I was a joke and hardly do anything just sit there all day! I asked so am i doing a bad job??! Told me how his mum looks after his baby nephew, has the place spotless and still does tea etc.
This really upset me as I'm trying my best. He then followed me down stairs (half thought he was coming to say sorry) shouting and swearing me that I have 2 weeks to get rid of the dog 😢 said if I don't he taking the baby. I feel devastated by all this.
We've only been together 2 years, I've had my dog for 8 and can't imagine not having him. Also being told basically I'm not a good mum/oh just feel like I wanna get in the car and drive far far away 😢

OP posts:
Prettylovely · 28/03/2018 10:57

Wow, he doesnt sound very nice.
Why does he want you to get rid of the dog?

Aprilmightmemynewname · 28/03/2018 11:02

Send him back to his dm full time and keep the dog.. Seriously though unless he is lactating he is talking shite.
Does he help at all? If not then consider being a lp officially. It's no way to live like you currently are op.

endofthelinefinally · 28/03/2018 11:03

Oh dear.
He is showing his true colours.
Do you have any family support?

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Original poster
5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 11:05

My dog has done absolutely nothing wrong, oh says he worrys just incase something happens. My dog is the softest dog ever, has even been attacked by a cat before!
Regardless of how lovely he is though I would never leave baby alone with him and understand to be careful. Plenty of people have dogs and baby's don't they?

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 28/03/2018 11:10

Op this is dreadful for you he is an abusive pig and sounds irresponsible to boot.

Of course you have no need to get rid of your lovely dog.

In your shoes l would be packing his bags for him.....

Dragongirl10 · 28/03/2018 11:11

Oh op he cannot take your baby. Please speak to smeone at Womens aid for help.

Dragongirl10 · 28/03/2018 11:12

someone.

readyforapummelling · 28/03/2018 11:14

You are doing a good job, you are looking after a newborn baby so don't listen to this vile man and just know that you are doing a brilliant job. Any man that threatens to take a baby away from its mother is a piece of shit IMO and you should pack his bags.

You deserve so much more.

Original poster
5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 11:16

He does help but it's literally about 2 hours a day and not at all yesterday. Even when I've expressed he doesn't get up in the night because he has work. I've not had more than a broken 4 hours sleep in over a month but he says I have all day. I've not had time to shower some days never mind sleep. Honestly the way this reads you'd think my house was a tip, it's clean and tidy, I've just not deep cleaned for a month.
Feel scared to tell him to go, the way he shouts at me and really don't want to have to share my baby

OP posts:
WickedLazy · 28/03/2018 11:26

Could you ask him to stay at his mums for a week? You may find you actually have a much easier time of it, without him being so nasty and critical. You could use the peace to get into a routine with the baby. Sleep when the baby sleeps, or use that time to relax. See how you feel about him when the weeks up, and how he feels?

retirednow · 28/03/2018 11:28

I don't suppose his mum is with her nephew 24/7, has just given birth or is b.feeding, no comparison silly man. If mum is so wonderful let him go back there so she can look after him in the style he thinks he deserves. You are doing a fantastic job, he can't take your baby and you should keep your lovely doggy. Why can't he deep clean the house. I wonder if his mummy knows he is being so mean and petty, if he were my son I'd tell him to stop whining and start behaving like an adult. Is there anyone you can go and stay with for a few days with baby and pooch, have a bit of time to yourself.

WickedLazy · 28/03/2018 11:32

As for showering, I used to bring ds's bouncer chair thing, in the bathroom, so I could keep an eye on him while I got clean, or put him in his bath chair thing and put it at the other end of the bath (shower over bath). Same with dishes, I'd put the him in the chair, and put it on the kitchen table, or on the floor beside me, and talk to him while I did the dishes.

Brewingdog · 28/03/2018 11:51

Is this his first child ? It may be that he's adjusting too but doing it all wrong and being a big kid. He's lashing out and the dog is his target. Baby jealousy. Tell him to take a week of his paternity leave and spend it looking after the baby. You go to his mums, have a lazy day and come home and comment on how he's coping. Trust me, it's gonna take him some time to grow up and adjust to the new arrival. My other half still kept up his pint with his mates when my first was born. That was until I handed him our baby at 6 in the morning and left the house for the day. He matured very quickly.

Original poster
5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 12:20

Exactly his mum has the baby during work hours so is doing that on a full nights sleep, fresh and basically clocking off at 5.
He's self employed so doesn't have any paid time off. I had a bad labour and was kept in for 4 days and told to rest for a week, he was back at work 4 days later 😏
Maybe I should ask him to go to his mums. I just know he never realises when he's wrong and will still make out they were valid points. Gutted to say this but wish I'd left him before the baby was here, feels so much harder now

OP posts:
Original poster
5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 12:43

@Brewingdog yes it's his and my first. I agree he does need to grow up a lot. If hes not shouting its the sulking I just can't bear.

OP posts:
midsummabreak · 28/03/2018 12:56

I would not be surprised if his mum is behind some or all of this. Why does he even care how clean the home is, when both parents are adjusting to 24/7 baby feeding, changing , cuddling cycle. Not to mention baby is crying off and on through the night

Original poster
5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 13:14

@midsummabreak I know I thought along them lines last night as he was very specific with things his mum does. His mum is OTT clean, spends her life cleaning like that's the most important thing.

OP posts:
owltrousers · 28/03/2018 13:27

He sounds awful. In all honesty OP I would get rid, its not your responsibility to make him understand how hard your job is.

YorkieDorkie · 28/03/2018 13:31

Complete scum! The first few months are so so hard! I used to look at the clock and think "how the hell is it 4pm already?"

endofthelinefinally · 28/03/2018 13:36

If you regret not leaving him before, I think the sooner you do it the better. He will only get worse and his mum will just encourage him.

Original poster
5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 15:56

I actually can't believe this!!
Just found out he rang my mum this morning slagging me off and I don't even have his tea ready when he comes in.
Saying goes he's on the birth certificate so will take the baby if I don't get rid of the dog!
Feel sick with worry and anxiety. Dreading him coming back from work. What do I do if he tryst you take the baby. Feel so scared

OP posts:
whirlygirly · 28/03/2018 16:01

He can't take your baby. And if he did, he'd soon bring the baby back once he realises how much work is involved. He sounds awful and you need support to get shot of him.

You're doing absolutely nothing wrong at all.

gamerchick · 28/03/2018 16:01

They always threaten to take the baby OP. They know it’s the one thing to bring you to heel. In reality they don’t want the baby, it’s all about control.

Can you ask your mum to help? Normally I wouldn’t say leave the house but it sounds as if things are escalating.

gamerchick · 28/03/2018 16:02

*dont leave the house

XJerseyGirlX · 28/03/2018 16:02

Theres only 1 thing to get rid of my darling and that's get rid of your bullying controlling DH. And just to put your mind at ease, he cant take the baby from you.. if he did SS will have the baby returned to you asap and then he would have trouble getting access for more than every other weekend. They don't like to see babys taken from their mothers by means of bullying.

Get rid OP, a man who waits until your down to give you an extra kick is nothing but an asshole