4 week old and my partner is vile

[5moreminzzz]

I just don't know what to do.
Had a horrible argument with OH last night, it all stemmed from me asking if we were going to be staying at his mums till late... which was a really bad thing to ask apparently and then me commenting because his back tyre needed blowing up and he was happy to drive like this so I made him take me and baby home and didn't go to his mums. I thought he'd of came home and it would of been okay, but it wasn't 🙁
He came home not speaking a word to me, just sulking about, I then heard him go upstairs to bed. I followed him up, he said I'm going to bed really angrily. I asked am i not getting a break today then ( I am bf and literally had held baby all day) he then kicked off saying I was a joke and hardly do anything just sit there all day! I asked so am i doing a bad job??! Told me how his mum looks after his baby nephew, has the place spotless and still does tea etc.
This really upset me as I'm trying my best. He then followed me down stairs (half thought he was coming to say sorry) shouting and swearing me that I have 2 weeks to get rid of the dog 😢 said if I don't he taking the baby. I feel devastated by all this.
We've only been together 2 years, I've had my dog for 8 and can't imagine not having him. Also being told basically I'm not a good mum/oh just feel like I wanna get in the car and drive far far away 😢

I haven't read the whole thread OP but wanted to show support. You'll be fine on your own as it doesn't sound like he helps much and honestly you're better off without the stress he brings.
If you own the house can't you just kick him out? He has no rights to the property and you're not married so it's just the end of the relationship and you just need to sort out visitation/parenting issues and as you breastfeed and the baby is a newborn you don't need to agree to any overnight stays I believe. Hope you're getting some advice and support. Let him live with mummy who will have his dinner on the table when he comes home from work! Good luck xx

I'm so glad to hear he has left. You really will be better off on your own with your baby. You will be able to relax and in turn so will baby.

I just wanted to say re your dog and walking with a pram. I haven't walked my dog with a pram but have with a wheelchair. It takes a bit of time, but they really do get used to it, and stay away from the wheels. Mine got run over a few times but no real harm done, but that did help her be more wary of it. I had a karabiner clip which I would clip to the belt loop on my jeans and if I needed her lead to be shorter, I would wrap it around my hand a few times. Just do a few practise walks to build up your confidence. Of course a sling will make things easier, but at some point your baby will be a toddler in a pushchair so it would be good to do the training now.

Good luck with everything and enjoy your little one

You've definitely done the right thing op. This abuse would have just escalated, you and your baby will be fine. You'll have less to do as you won't be running around after him and the baby.
I've noticed a trend within my friendship of men who expect too much, they always tend to come from a mother who does too much for them. It is too much to expect dinner to be made and the house to be clean by the time he gets home. You're still recovering from the birth of your child, he needs to piss off.
You lose nothing by him leaving, literally nothing, you've a secure home and you'll be so much more relaxed without him all over you. He'll be awful to you once he realises he's not in control and realises everything he'll be losing. Good luck to you and your beautiful baby op.

5moreminzzz I am glad he has left. He sounds truly awful, highly critical and down right unpleasant. Surround yourself with people who care about you. As for your dog, you will get used to taking him out with the baby. Its a bit tricky to start with (mine was a lead puller) not great after a c section. Its you and your gorgeous wee baby now, enjoy it!

My ds has an amazing bond with my ddogs!! Never left alone and encouraged always to be gentle - he tells them stories, asks them for kisses - which they are always willing to give!! Nurture their relationship and your baby will have a friend for a long time!! Better than an abusive df any day!! And you can always rely on your dog too!! A good ear I have always found in bad times!!

If OP could not get out to go shopping for maternity clothes, and dog is currently being exercised by partner mostly then OP might struggle on her own to care properly for both baby and dog.

As part of my job I (sadly) have to work with dangerous dogs (often because they've been abused poor things). If he wants to say your dog is dangerous he would have to prove it... Eg bite wounds treated at A&E or something like that.

Knob head. You're better off without him and you can look after your beautiful baby much better without this lame excuse of a human being.

Good luck, make sure you get the support you need

Xx

Planting seeds in your head about the dog being a danger, is a classic narcissist tactic, to keep you in a state of fear / walking on eggshells even when they are not there.
Now that he has moved out, change the locks; the house is in your name.
I would also call 101 and log it with the police that he has made threats against you and the baby.
As it is Easter, can your mum come and stay. Do you even have a friendly neighbor who could watch the baby for a few hours whilst you have a bath / rest.
So sorry you are going through this but you will get through it and come out feeling stronger

Just to reassure you I have a dog and a baby - honestly it's fine. Literally dog is snoring away on his bed while baby plays on play mat. Obviously take sensible precautions but there is nothing unreasonable about having a dog and a baby.

You partner sounds horrible! Get rid of him and don't look back. You will cope on your own! Having a newborn is so tough! My house was a tip for about 4 months!!

Oh and I do most of the dog walks! 30 mins at least a day. It's a brilliant reason to get dressed and leave the house daily! Sling is your friend!

Hi op,

I had a Weimaraner, now sadly passed away, so she was big and strong, but l had a robust Phil and Teds stroller with one dc in front, and one Dc under in the bassinette, when Dc 2 got bigger l swopped the basinette for a second seat so they were one behind the other.

It replaced my gym membership for a few years! I found it easiest to get up with dcs at 7.30 get them fed, changed and dressed, and then get right out with D dog .

My dog was soon very good at walking alongside the stroller, and l would let her off at a large enclosed park, and throw some balls for a while, then walk back, it was fine, l did it daily for 3 years.

With one a sling may be fine but l have a back injury so couldn't carry in a sling, plus they soon get very heavy...

Really you will be fine Op, it is so much easier alone than with a destructive partner like your now ex, you make the routine to suit yourself, and baby.

Cheering you on from here.

Thankyou so much for all the msgs especially from those with experience of a dog and a baby.

I love my dog to bits and just could not imagine giving him away, it would absolutely break my heart.
Had msgs from oh today saying how stupid I am and how I'm putting our baby in danger ( dog has not done anything wrong, just lies on his bed) he's read stories about dogs turning etc so says it makes sense to take away that risk.
I couldn't do it for him after everything he's said but he's starting to get in my head and make me think am i being stupid because stuff like that does happen. I love my dog to bits, it was just me and him for years and has been a massive help to me thru the years.

Has anybody had personal experience of a dog being lovely for years then something happen?

Stop letting him get in your head. My dog hated my new baby. He was used to my older kids but a baby caused him anxiety and it was obvious. Any dog can turn and people will have stories which will make you more anxious. However your job as a parent is to make sure your baby is safe around a dog and never trust them. Your OH is messing with your head and I would ignore him.

Oh and i should add I kept my dog. My DS is three now and there best buddies. He never attacked or bit my DS and we had to all try and work with managing his anxiety. I never trust any dog but your OH is being very OTT.

@5moreminzzz stop questioning yourself. We're all totally honest with you and only want the best. Keep the dog and get rid of him!! Tell him not to contact you anymore unless it's arrangements for the child. We're all here for you.

OK, correct there is no 100% safe dog. but he sounds vile, so of the two risks I would take the dog

Op please don't doubt yourself, of course there are no guarantees with any dog but, as long as you take reasonable precautions,
ie never leave baby on floor with dog unattended, when baby is a toddler have a safe space..( l had a large playpen) and put toddler in the playpen away from the dog if you have to turn your back , go to the loo, leave the room etc you will be fine.
There are so many advantages to Dcs growing up with friendly gentle pets, ie less risk of allergies and asthma, less fear of other peoples pets, companionship and fun.

There is nothing to worry about, please keep referring to those on here who have had dogs and Dcs to keep perspective when he tries to bully you...thats all it is bullying.

This baby is much safer with the dog than with this vile man!! Stay strong! Dog attacks are very rare, actually statistically much more likely for baby to be injured by an adult than by a dog, next he'll be saying no adults allowed around the baby!?

I know yous are all right.
I just feel so lonely it's making me doubt everything! X

Importantly, You can live to your own rhythm if your P isn't in the middle giving orders,/expecting lunch whatever. You can go out & push the baby in the push chair, get some air & exercise, & the dog will get a walk...
Every day, the baby gets older, soon (when you have got rid of this drain of energy), things will become easier, less stressed & you will get used to the requirements & restrictions of being a new mum.

Just cut your losses and go now.

The sooner you leave the sooner you get on with your own life.

5moreminzzz how are you doing?

You are an intelligent woman and you know your dog. If there was a serious risk you would have rehomed your fog while you were still PG.

Any man who messages the mother of their newborn baby saying they are stupid is not worth the dirt off your shoe.

Trust your instincts OP. Things aren’t working out as you planned but it’s time for you to put yourself and your LO first. The first few weeks with a baby are always hard and many Mums do feel lonely, you’ll be feeling much better soon, I promise.

Is it today that you see the HV?

OP, he's trying everything he can to control you. I've seen and experienced this before. If you got rid of your dog, he'd leave eventually anyway and you'd really regret it and feel guilty forever, believe me.

You need to make him leave, change the locks and report him to the non-emergency police for making threats of child abduction and harassment. Try and get a non-mol order. Tell him not to contact you again and any correspondence must now be through court.

Is your mum supportive? Please ask her to come and stay if she is. If not, do you have anyone at all that could come and help for a few days?

I must stress, he CANNOT take your baby.

It will be OK, not today or tomorrow but it will get better.

You are much better off without him.

Can your mum take the dog for a couple of days? Enough time to change the locks.

He can't take your baby.