4 week old and my partner is vile

[5moreminzzz]

I just don't know what to do.
Had a horrible argument with OH last night, it all stemmed from me asking if we were going to be staying at his mums till late... which was a really bad thing to ask apparently and then me commenting because his back tyre needed blowing up and he was happy to drive like this so I made him take me and baby home and didn't go to his mums. I thought he'd of came home and it would of been okay, but it wasn't 🙁
He came home not speaking a word to me, just sulking about, I then heard him go upstairs to bed. I followed him up, he said I'm going to bed really angrily. I asked am i not getting a break today then ( I am bf and literally had held baby all day) he then kicked off saying I was a joke and hardly do anything just sit there all day! I asked so am i doing a bad job??! Told me how his mum looks after his baby nephew, has the place spotless and still does tea etc.
This really upset me as I'm trying my best. He then followed me down stairs (half thought he was coming to say sorry) shouting and swearing me that I have 2 weeks to get rid of the dog 😢 said if I don't he taking the baby. I feel devastated by all this.
We've only been together 2 years, I've had my dog for 8 and can't imagine not having him. Also being told basically I'm not a good mum/oh just feel like I wanna get in the car and drive far far away 😢

Op this is dv you need to report it. This has nothing to do with the dog he is just trying to control you. Your baby needs to be with you while you're breastfeeding so don't worry about that. Did you chat to the hv? Things are hard at the minute but you have a new baby and lots of problems to deal with. You will get into a routine with the baby and the dog. I think your dog is at risk from your ex he's dragged him around tonight whats going to be next?

You now need to insist this arsehole stays out of your home so your baby, you and your dog are safe. Honestly.

Call the police as soon as possible.

Report the violence to the dog.
Report the damage to the door.
Take photos of the door damage.

Ask for advice from police on how to get a non-molestation order.

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/getting-an-injunction/
WA advice on protective orders.
Call Women's Aid 0808 2000 247.

This is really hard, and stressful.

But you have to take these steps to get free of this man.

You cannot expect him to change.
He is not going to change. He has always been like this deep down.
Nothing you do will make things easier for you if you continue to engage with him.
You have to stop contact.

You can't afford the luxury of sitting wondering what the heck happened. He is a vicious, violent man and you do not have the time to ponder how it has all come down to this.

You have to take action now for your own protection.

You need to involve the police to protect your child - it's a record that could prove very useful later on to prove he's

This man is dangerous, please seek help from women's aid.

I second others, you should call the police. He sounds dangerous. And call the women's aid too!

Oh OP, just read this, how awful for you. Traditionally in many countries a mother is tended to hand and foot for forty days after giving birth. It is so cruel that he is upsetting you so much.

I don't know how your baby is, but my ex-SIL screamed at my dd while holding their two-month-old baby. They split up then and for the next two weeks the baby cried like she was angry. After that she settled down to be happy, easy-going little thing.

So there will be a lot of benefits to getting this man out of your life.

He is trying to scare you op. He wants you, his baby in your home on HIS conditions.

IF (and am in NO way saying you should) you get rid of the dog, and he comes back, what's next?

Stopping you seeing your mum because she "put ideas in your head"
Stopping you attending baby playgroups
Stopping you seeing your friends.

He will isolate you until you rely on him 100% and then what? I hate to think.

Your dog is a safer bet than your oh!

My dog was here before dd2 was born, and he has been NOTHING but calm and gentle and caring of her. She was dx with asd last year, and looking back, I swear he knew that she was special before we did. He is her constant companion, and he hates it when she is upset.

How the hell can someone change so much! I had never saw this side of him before the baby! Because he is a typical abuser, who waits until he thinks he has you committed before unleashing who he really is. Please be careful op, next time it might be you he drags, or hits.

I did speak to hv and she just suggested could he be depressed like pnd, I said no I don't think it's that and she just said to have a good chat and find out what's up!... Didn't seem concerned!

If he sees a solicitor will he be allowed access? Hes saying I should express milk so he can take the baby to see his mum and dad. I couldn't handle the baby being away from me!
Sent me a tx after he'd left saying if the dog comes near the baby he's reporting me to social services, like wtf do you not realise what you just did!
Such a mess! If this had happened 2 weeks ago I'd of not put him on the birth certificate!

This is why you HAVE to contact the police NOW and tell them what he did.

DO NOT express milk.
DO NOT let him leave with your baby, without you (danger he may not bring dc back)

PLEASE listen op. Call the police, report the damage and how he treated your dog. Because IF he does go to the social services, without proof of his temper you cannot protect yourself or your dc!

HV is talking crap, dangerous misguided crap.

Please report this. It’s a massive safety concern. Plus there needs to be an evidence trail for when you are discussing access.

Your HV is a bloody eejit.

If he sees a solicitor will he be allowed access? Hes saying I should express milk so he can take the baby to see his mum and dad. I couldn't handle the baby being away from me!
This is why you MUST get a record established that this man is violent.

Please call the police.
Report the violence to the dog.
Report the hole punched in the door.

Get a non-molestation order.
DO IT ON MONDAY.

You must report this.. the police will come & see the damage, it will be on record. It is essential.
What indeed if he had shoved or slapped you ? you were holding the baby.
No way does he go ANYWHERE with your baby.
Please Please tell your family what is going on, (& yes HV is crap)

Poor you!

Call the police (not 999 as it's not an immediate emergency). Explain what happened and show them the door. Also explain that you are frightened for your safety and your baby's safety and you want to stop him from being able to come round.

If you go to a solicitor for a non molestation order you will have to pay but if the police do it then you won't. These orders have penal notices attached which means that if your OH ignored the order and did something that it says he's not allowed to do, he could go to prison.

It would be a good idea for you to see a solicitor just to satisfy yourself of your position and how you can best protect yourself. If money is tight have a look round for family lawyers that offer half an hour's free advice or go to the Citizens Advice Bureau.

You need to start taking the power out of his hands.

Oh and the HV is obviously a doughnut and no help whatsoever.

You should report the hv and ask for a new one. She's minimising abuse and needs retraining!

I’m sorry that your HV hasn’t been supportive OP. Have you done any of the things suggested so far on this thread, like reporting him to the Police, getting your locks changed and getting a non-Molestation Order?

If he texts you saying things like you need to express so that he can take the baby, what do you reply?

I've not done anything yet because we had gone okay with each other and stupidly I thought we could at least get along.
I know I need to do something now.
I tx him after he left saying he'd scared me and couldn't believe he'd done that to the dog and the door. He said the place is a s.hole anyway so big deal about the door and only dragged the dog to his bed ( so at least he's admitted he did it on tx)
My mums partner is going to sort the locks for me this week.
What is a molestation order?
I told him I'm not going to be expressing milk and that the baby shouldn't be away from me yet, he flipped saying it was a load of crap and I should just give her a bottle of sma.

This is a dreadful situation but I am concerned that despite all the advice on this thread you seem to have ignored it. Despite his previous threats you have allowed him to return every night and are now surprised when he loses the plot and is aggressive to your dog and punches the wall. I would have called the police the minute he did that. It's DV. I won't repeat what others have said as you have been given plenty of excellent advice and it really is up to you whether you act on it.

Keep all of his texts OP. Screenshot each one, but you’ve already been advised that anyway. Do not reply to any of them. This man is not getting along material and he doesn’t not have your or your lovely LOs interests at heart.

Call Women’s Aid now please OP. They will talk you through how to report this to the Police and how to get a Non-Molestation Order.

I’m glad that you are getting the locks changed. The worst thing that you can do is nothing. He’s treated you like shit but that’s no reason to be a victim. Be strong OP for you and your baby and take action.

5moreminzz message crossed! Call the police, report the DV and ask them for advice about next steps.

www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation

Please report him today for the safety of baby you and the dog.

I hadn’t seen the post where you’ve been cooking his tea every night and he’s punched a wall in front of you and the baby.

Why do you think you’ve carried on letting him come around and given him the opportunity to scare you, the baby and the dog and do criminal damage on your property OP after all the advice you’ve received?

Have you called the Police yet? I’d be getting him done for the Crimial Damage to your for as well as the DV.

If it were my baby, I’d be doing everything I possibly could to keep them safe.

This needs reporting OP.

Op my lovely , I've just this morning read your full thread.

Right. It's YOUR house. so DO NOT let this bastard back in. Pack all his gear put it outside the door then text him to come pick them up. Where he goes from there is his problem.

He's been terrorising you both verbally, emotionally, and now the physical side is ramping up - first the door, then you next. He's a low-life bullying bastard who thinks he's a big man because he gets to shout at and threaten a vulnerable woman who's just given birth. Well, he's not, he's a coward.
All that bluster about expressing so that he can take the baby to see his mum and dad is pure guff - he simply wants to dump the little one on them for a while, and get to punish you at the same time.

Did I mention he's a bastard? Well, he is. I've been there, and know this scenario so well.

Photo the damage he's caused, and as all PPs have said, call the police, get it on record.

I know you're worrying about being lonely and coping on your own. Well it's hard, but you can. I did.
The first night as a single mother in my own home, with the doors locked, knowing no one could come in the house if I didn't want them there was wonderful.

Please, for the sake of your baby, yourself and your dog, don't take him back.