Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

4 week old and my partner is vile

206 replies

5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 10:55

I just don't know what to do.
Had a horrible argument with OH last night, it all stemmed from me asking if we were going to be staying at his mums till late... which was a really bad thing to ask apparently and then me commenting because his back tyre needed blowing up and he was happy to drive like this so I made him take me and baby home and didn't go to his mums. I thought he'd of came home and it would of been okay, but it wasn't 🙁
He came home not speaking a word to me, just sulking about, I then heard him go upstairs to bed. I followed him up, he said I'm going to bed really angrily. I asked am i not getting a break today then ( I am bf and literally had held baby all day) he then kicked off saying I was a joke and hardly do anything just sit there all day! I asked so am i doing a bad job??! Told me how his mum looks after his baby nephew, has the place spotless and still does tea etc.
This really upset me as I'm trying my best. He then followed me down stairs (half thought he was coming to say sorry) shouting and swearing me that I have 2 weeks to get rid of the dog 😢 said if I don't he taking the baby. I feel devastated by all this.
We've only been together 2 years, I've had my dog for 8 and can't imagine not having him. Also being told basically I'm not a good mum/oh just feel like I wanna get in the car and drive far far away 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
5moreminzzz · 29/03/2018 00:10

Ah thanks @Zoflorabore ☺

And thankyou everyone for all your lovely messages 😘

Reassuring to hear a few people saying it's crap about the legal advice. I do worry he may make out the dog is dangerous if he did go down that route, not sure how that would work if he did say that as would be my word against his.
We had murder for ages when he came in, think by trying not to cry and be strong in what I'm saying he shut up quicker. All your msgs have confirmed to me how wrong his behaviour is x

OP posts:
rondarules · 29/03/2018 19:38

I'm sure regarding the dog there would need to be strong evidence that the dog is aggressive or a danger, just his word alone would mean nothing.

uhoh2016 · 30/03/2018 15:58

If he says he won't leave unless you get rid of the dog can your mum or a friend take the dog temporarily then when he leaves change the locks and get the dog back. I hope your mum gave him a mouthful

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting
Sashkin · 30/03/2018 16:23

If you’re BFing he won’t even get unsupervised access until your child is weaned - he certainly wouldn’t get full custody (I know that isn’t the right word) or overnights at 4 weeks, dog or no dog.

He sounds like an enormous twat. Get rid of him as soon as you can.

Original poster
5moreminzzz · 31/03/2018 00:08

We've not spoke really for the last 2 days.
He sat here till 10pm tonight then said he was going and it's over..wtf?
Felt pure panic the thought of being left on my own even though I wanted this the other night! He's ended up staying cos I was so upset but I know it's over now.
Please somebody tell me it's okay with a newborn on your own! The thought of it makes me so sad even after all that's happened

OP posts:
Krakauer · 31/03/2018 00:17

It will be ok, OP, I promise Flowers I have just skimmed through the earlier posts on the thread and it sounds like this guy is a complete waste of space, and though it may not feel like it now, you may very well be better off without him.

Being a lone parent isn't easy but it's a damn sight easier than being in an abusive relationship, and to be honest, his behaviour seems to have been abusive. Have you got friends / family nearby who can support you? Xx

Dragongirl10 · 31/03/2018 00:23

Please don't panic about being on your own, you and Dc and your dog, will be just fine.

You can make the most lovely, peaceful happy home together, free from bullying and threats. Also you are young and will no doubt one day meet someone else.

Jon66 · 31/03/2018 00:29

You'll be fine, this must be really stressful for you, but you will manage on your own x

tigerrun · 31/03/2018 00:41

Being a lone parent isn't easy but it's a damn sight easier than being in an abusive relationship

This ^^

You'll be so much better on your own - and more to the point better, safer and happier without him. Maybe change the locks tomorrow if you can and then make a plan/take legal advice/call womens aid to get some help and support with the next stage. As PP's have said he wouldn't even get unsupervised access whilst you- are BF so you have plenty of time to work out how it'll all work.

Good luck, you sound strong - take every bit of emotional and practical support you can IRL Flowers

Original poster
5moreminzzz · 31/03/2018 01:06

My mum is half an hour away, wish she was walking distance but she's not too far.
I watched her in an abusive relationship for years and know it's no way to live.
Just scared of doing it alone and feel so sad, my baby is only a few weeks old and this is happening. Feeding her crying feeling so guilty x

OP posts:
Thisnamechanger · 31/03/2018 01:15

Hang in there OP, you're being very brave Flowers

SweetFanniAdams · 31/03/2018 01:19

Don’t feel guilty OP
You are doing your little one a favour. She doesn’t need this kind of relationship as a role model.
All us girls who have grown up with strong mums and unpleasant dads feel proud and thankful that our mums refused to accept the shit and got them out.

Justaboy · 31/03/2018 01:22

You poor woman just when you need all the help and support you can get he turns out to be a grade A pillock!.

This all seems to me very odd was he like this at all before the babe turned up and how was he before in relation to the poor dog?.

His mother sounds a real one, I bet she spoiiled him silly his dinner isn't on the table when he gets in? really?

Sounds to me your best off without him thats not the way a real man would behave seems he's more of a spolit brat who badly needs to grown the eff up!.

Whos house is it in case push comes to shove and are you married or not?

In the meantime enjoy the babe just had me 6 month old grandson here to play today loved every moment of it but i'm wornding if he's a bit hyper active hes on the go all the time!.

Ski40 · 31/03/2018 01:23

He sounds like a man child and a bully and how dare he threaten you to take the baby that YOU have given birth to and YOU look after all day. I think you know there is one animal you need to get rid of- and it's not the lovely, loyal four legged one!
I wish you the best. The guy sounds like a total nutcase 😢

Charliecatpaws · 31/03/2018 01:45

Don’t feel guilty 5more, you have your own house, you are obviously an independent woman, being a single mother will not be easy but it must be 100 times better than being in an abusive relationship, you can do this, please tell him to go home to his “perfect mummy” and get your life on track with your beautiful baby

Charliecatpaws · 31/03/2018 01:46

Sorry I forgot to say and your dog too 👍

DarkPeakScouter · 31/03/2018 01:55

It’s good he’s going you will be so much better off!

kentgirl1 · 31/03/2018 02:16

He's been no good to you so far, so don't worry about being alone as he never helped anyway. You'll actually probably feel better once he's gone! Think how many thousands of women are lone parents, you can do it too. This man is vile, the soonest he's out your life the better. You said the house is in your name - make him pack his stuff and leave right now!!! Be strong , you can do this

Original poster
5moreminzzz · 31/03/2018 03:58

Would anybody say because I won't get rid of the dog I'm prioritising him over the baby? That's something that was said tonight. Does anybody else think I should be considering it?
Thanks everyone for your replies, helps being able to vent it all here x

OP posts:
Bridechilla · 31/03/2018 04:05

Legally you can have a dog and a baby in a household, millions do around the world. You've done nothing wrong.

Your partner clearly knows that you care deeply about your dog and is using that to scare and manipulate you. Do not believe a word he says.

Bridechilla · 31/03/2018 04:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emma198 · 31/03/2018 04:19

You're not prioritising dog over baby. Please don't get rid of dog. Please let your partner go, you'll be a million times happier with you, dog and baby. So sorry you're going through this. X

Fieau · 31/03/2018 04:24

The dog thing is purely your partner trying to manipulate you. Do not listen to him. In the morning you need to get him to leave and then change the locks.

You will be fine - you're basically already coping as a single parent so him leaving will just mean you can actually relax and enjoy spending time with your baby Without someone mentally abusing you!!

123MothergotafleA · 31/03/2018 04:26

Get the brute out of YOUR home as soon as humanly possible. No one should have to live with that degree of abuse. Even if it feels a bit scary to be alone, you are miles better off without that excuse for a father/ partner/ human being.

123MothergotafleA · 31/03/2018 04:28

Agree you need to change locks and ignore all whimpering from Mr. Not Wonderful.

Swipe left for the next trending thread