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Original poster

4 week old and my partner is vile

206 replies

5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 10:55

I just don't know what to do.
Had a horrible argument with OH last night, it all stemmed from me asking if we were going to be staying at his mums till late... which was a really bad thing to ask apparently and then me commenting because his back tyre needed blowing up and he was happy to drive like this so I made him take me and baby home and didn't go to his mums. I thought he'd of came home and it would of been okay, but it wasn't 🙁
He came home not speaking a word to me, just sulking about, I then heard him go upstairs to bed. I followed him up, he said I'm going to bed really angrily. I asked am i not getting a break today then ( I am bf and literally had held baby all day) he then kicked off saying I was a joke and hardly do anything just sit there all day! I asked so am i doing a bad job??! Told me how his mum looks after his baby nephew, has the place spotless and still does tea etc.
This really upset me as I'm trying my best. He then followed me down stairs (half thought he was coming to say sorry) shouting and swearing me that I have 2 weeks to get rid of the dog 😢 said if I don't he taking the baby. I feel devastated by all this.
We've only been together 2 years, I've had my dog for 8 and can't imagine not having him. Also being told basically I'm not a good mum/oh just feel like I wanna get in the car and drive far far away 😢

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 28/03/2018 16:03

Talk to your Health Visitor.

Jackiebrambles · 28/03/2018 16:07

What a fucking shit bag he is. He can't take your baby. Agree you need some support from your family. Talk to your HV and tell her what he's been saying.

Parker231 · 28/03/2018 16:10

Do you have any friends or family who can come over and stay with you for additional support?

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prettywhiteguitar · 28/03/2018 16:19

Actually call women's aid or your local women's refuge, and tell them what he's been saying. He is abusive. And if you want call the police and log his threats, much easier to leave him if they know what he's really like.

Lots of men choose just after the babies born to ramp up abuse as you are the most vulnerable then.

Which area are you in and I can look for the women's refuge, you don't have to go they are just great at giving advice at how to handle him

EightdaysaweekIloveu · 28/03/2018 16:22

You need to get rid of him.

Original poster
5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 20:01

@prettywhiteguitar I'm in liverpool.

Told him tonight I don't want to be with him but says he'll refuse to go unless I get rid of the dog! Says he has sought legal advice already and it's all in his favour apparently.

I've got the health visitor coming on Tuesday so can speak to her then.

Can't believe he actually thought it was okay to call my mum and slag me off! He's even saying now about my maternity and how I plan on taking a year saying it's too long... better on my own I think x

OP posts:
prettywhiteguitar · 28/03/2018 20:14

He is an arse, an absolute arse. They always say that, they repeat themselves like it's the law and it's all bs.

Are you in your own home or a tenant ? Are you married?

0151 207 1511 Is the number for Adullam Domestic Violence Refuge, call them for advice about how to get him out.

I'll see if there's any more

prettywhiteguitar · 28/03/2018 20:17

0151 727 1355 For the center 56, this is for people at risk of domestic abuse

But if you are scared ring the police always, and if he is threatening you, which is by saying he's taking your baby report him to the police.

Too many women have no evidence of the abuse because they are unwilling to report it

Original poster
5moreminzzz · 28/03/2018 20:23

Own home but he moved in with me so it's all in my name. Not married, thank God!

Thankyou for that I'll store the numbers in my phone x

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 28/03/2018 20:42

Report, report, report.
He needs to go to his mum.
He is abusive.
So sorry you are only discovering this now. Be strong.

WiggyPig · 28/03/2018 20:50

"Says he has sought legal advice already and it's all in his favour apparently. "

As a lawyer - this is NONSENSE. He's either lying about seeking legal advice or he's lying about what he was told.

He sounds abusive and downright nasty. Can you see if the HV can come round tomorrow? Definitely keep the dog over him. Flowers

KatharinaRosalie · 28/03/2018 20:54

Call women's aid please. His 'law all on his side' is total bullshit, and I'm a lawyer.

KatharinaRosalie · 28/03/2018 20:54

Crosspost there.

GrooovyLass · 28/03/2018 20:55

Sorry you're going through this OP. No lawyer will have told him he's in the right to give you an ultimatum about getting rid of the family pet!

hawleybits · 28/03/2018 20:58

Report him without fail! How dare he?!!! The police will always take you seriously, especially as he is threatening you.
He's moved into your house and is demanding you get rid of your beloved dog, or he will take your baby?!! He's ill informed obviously, but he sounds utterly vile and controlling.
I really hope you find the help and support you need - and soon!

Bea1985 · 28/03/2018 21:03

Op please call the HV tomorrow at 9am and say it's urgent- please don't wait until Tuesday to speak to someone.

VioletCharlotte · 28/03/2018 21:16

He sounds completely vile OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar situation with my ex so I know how horrible it is. You sound like a lovely Mum who's doing a great job. He's just another man-child who needs to grow up!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 28/03/2018 21:28

Please make sure you, your baby (and dog) are safe tonight.
He's talking out his arse. (I bet mummy is behind this)

FrozenMargarita17 · 28/03/2018 21:44

Leave leave leave leave OP. He is a nasty arsehole.

(Haven't read the entire thread yet..)

Cataline · 28/03/2018 21:47

Hope you are doing ok this evening and that you have the space to think and plan what you want to do.

Enjoy your tiny baby and don't pay any attention to anything your horrid 'd'p says.

It sounds as though he enjoys being awful to you so you'd be best off ignoring him!

Justletitlie · 28/03/2018 21:56

Ah what a shame he’s giving you more to think about at this time.
New borns are such hard work. People try to tell you how little time you will have but you don’t believe them until you experience it.
How dare he give you a list of his expectations?
Tea on the table? What does he think it is, 1850?
Honestly OP you sound like such a lovely mother. Enjoy your baby, your home, your life in general without this miserable, petulant little fuck disrupting your day.
As people have said, he has 0 intention of taking the baby and is lying about the dog business.
He’s making it all up, by the sounds of things.
If his mother’s so great why doesn’t he go and spend all of his free time with her?
Get rid. Don’t be scared of him, OP.
Please ring the numbers above for advice on how to get him out. X

Zoflorabore · 28/03/2018 22:02

Hi op I hope you're ok.

I'm in Liverpool too Smile

If you ever want to talk then pls feel free to pm me Flowers

Theducksarenotmyfriends · 28/03/2018 22:06

Get rid of him now, it's your home kick him out, make him go to your mum's. Ffs life with a newborn, especially breastfeeding, is tough. I'm from Liverpool too and also had a partner who was self employed and got no paid leave/time off. My dp did absolutely everything around the house for the first 3 months of dd life - cooked, cleaned, everything - because I needed to recover, breastfeed and survive on little to no sleep. Your dp is being really, really shit. Please speak to hv asap, don't wait till next week, you'd be so much better with him out of the house asap.

Bumdishcloths · 28/03/2018 22:11

Domestic abuse notoriously ramps up during pregnancy or following the birth of a child. Please speak to your health visitor tomorrow, don't wait Thanks

rondarules · 28/03/2018 22:51

As pps have said, taking the baby is a threat lots of men use, its probably highly unlikely he would actually attempt this!

My ex and I split when second DC was a few months old and he came out with a lot of the same rubbish, "the birth certificate gives me the right", and the "seeking legal help", ex had not a penny to his name so I doubt he had a lawyer or even looked into it, it was just to hurt me as that was the only thing he had to hurt me with. He once told me to pack DCs bags to spend the weekend with him and he would have them from friday-monday. Dc2 was exclusively breastfed (bottle refuser) and didn't really have any "bond" with ex so he knew I'd say no but I put him to the test and agreed knowing full well he wouldn't/couldn't cope. He pretended to forget Hmm.

Unless he is a complete psychopath I don't think even the crappiest of fathers would take a newborn away from its milk supply and the mother who has carried them for 9 months, it would be so distressing.