ANY OTHER FORCES WIVES OUT THERE?

[frenziednester]

Just been chatting with 3andnomore on another thread and wondered if there are any more of us on mumsnet who would like a chat and a comforting moan? I am on my own atm - hubby away for 4 months, and would love to swap 'home alone with the kids' stories - good and bad, and also a good gossip about the other wives we are left with! A much safer outlet for frustration than the hive!

Ah, back again. Reading through a whole load of work bumpff.....and just snuck in a wee run, which is a bit self indulgent, but my rationale is I would have spent that 40 minutes sitting in the car if I had gone into work today, so I'm not doing them out of any time. Dd is in the nursery 4 days a week, so I will make best use of the time.

I echo the point about forces wives...its not just the other half being away, and having to cope on your own, because plenty of single parents do that, its the constant moving of house whilst the other half is away!!

I think its getting increasingly difficult for many people I know trying to wrestle with having 2 careers, when the wife/girlfriend has spent yers training to do something and is just expected to be an appendage and trail round after the other half. My dh has always been v supportive, but its still a challenge.

You've hit the nail on the head. I think it'll end up evolving into the kind of system the RN have where the family stays put in one location and the serving spouse(ette) moves around. I know this isn't always the case (for all you RN chaps lurking out there) but it seems to be the only solution.

Otherwise, look what you end up with, tons of frustration and resentment and wasted opportunity.

I know plenty of people who have done that (2 of my dh's friends wives are doctors) and they even planned their family around having the children fairly shortly before the husbands were due to leave, so the wives took a year/2 year career break, and then the husbands left the RAF and stayed at home with the kids for a year or so.

I didn't want to move to Lincolnshire (where we are now) but caved in the end as I was sick of a commutting relationship. As it happens I have managed to find a good job (not that easy, as well paid jobs round here are like hens teeth) so it makes sense for me to work; I think I would have had a career break otherwise.

Hi there, great to see a forces wife thread. My Dh is in the army we have 6 years left and counting down the days !! He's off to Iraq for 6 months in May, it will be the 2nd tour since we've had DD and she's only 3 !!!
I absolutely hate it TBH, dreading him going last time it was just horrendous, 2 of his mates didn't come home, I just couldnt watch the news and now we're facing it all again and I feel sick already.

So sorry to hear that you have all that worry looming. The odds are thathe will be fine,but that doesn't stop the sick feeling you get whenever you hear a news headline about deaths or injuries. Haaving been on both sides (i.e a member of the militarywho served in both Iraq and Afghanistan and now wife/mum married to one)I can say that its harder to wait at home.

I just wish I could fast forward this year and have him safe and home for Xmas
It is made worse thinking about what happened last time when 2 didnt come home and my DH was there when it all happened.

Hopefully you will have one of the best Xmases ever when he come back...especially if dd is 3/4 and just at the age to get really excited about everything without being completely mercenary.

I am RAF gf / wife too so hope I can join. . Am bf and typing with 1 hanbd atm, so will pop back later...

Welcome both.

For those of you with DP/DH's either away or about to go I think this thread could be very supportive for you. Way back when my DH was away I think the loneliness was just as bad as the constant worry and I really wish MN had been around then.

Love to you all, BL xx

Hi guys - sorry, I should rename this 'forces partners' all welcome - no rank or service or marital status snobbery here! DH came home for 2 nights this week for a meeting - wish he hadn't as it's upset us all terribly out of our coping routine. As much as i love him, he was full of the tour and all the gossip, and I wanted to smack him over the head and say - you've got it easy - you're in Canada so you're safe and all you have to worry about is work - your food gets put down in front of you, you ring when you want to, so its always at your convenience, you have full nights sleep, no toddlers to referee, oh, and you're not pregnant (this last fact may account for my rant, but I was hoping for a little more of the 'darling you're doing so well' comments, rather than 'guess what hte lads did on our day off..... )

Thanks, Yes it would be great to chat to like minded souls that are going through it or already have been through it. I have to say civie friends are great and are full of support but I've moved away from home in the last 18 months too and am finding it hard going, making new friends and the constant turnaround of postings make it hard, even when you meet a friend its never for long. I have to say I've sort of given up and go home when I can. So this tour of Iraq has come at a really s*it time TBH.

Right, DD is napping so now I can type. Engaged to RAF man that I have been with for 10 years. He doesn't really go away that much so I guess I am really lucky (He fixes Fighter Jets, and that lot just send their officers into the front line!) He does get sent to the Falklands and stuff though. I have never lived on base, and have stayed put since he joined (8 or 9 years ago). That means that there have been years where he lives away during the week, but atm he commutes 2 hours each way!
Can I suggest a list like they do on the antinatal threads (mostly cos my memory is sh*t ). I will start it:-
JillyB - RAF fiancee - Currently has his home every night.

I think I am lucky with dh because he has had me away before and knows how annoying it is when someone arrives home going 'guess what I did...' when they haven't had the same chance to do these things. This was all pre-baby tho. Last monthg he was v scared because he went away for 3 days on a course and went to see Casino Royale with some poeple and knew that we can't really go to the cinema....said he wrestled with his conscience b4 confessing!

Hi, another Army Wife, and my hubby left today for Aldershot and then is on Saturday, going to Afghanistan for 6 month
He is in the regular army but is with working with the TA.
Theoretically he will be out next year April, but is hoping to extent a year or 2, which is fine by me. Gives us more time to get sorted.
We are not living in Married Quarters anymore, bought a house in 2005, so, it's a bit weird that he is away for 6 month....as there is no Families officer one could hassle if needed, etc...!
Oh, I am german, and we met whilest he was posted out in Celle.
We have been posted in Bassingbourn, Cyprus/Dhekelia, Chepstow, Ballykelly and he is now with the TA in Leicester.

I just contacted MN towers to ask if they would consider allocating a sub category called 'forces partners' as there are so many little subjects that would be great to discuss on here - finding schools in a new posting area springs quickly to mind, as does what local hospitals are like where we are posted, so if you move there heavily pregnant you have some idea of what to expect. I wonder what they will say...

sounds like a very good idea

Can we make it a 'forces family' though (18 year old son has just applied for RAF, and though I know that most don't have DCs that old, there must be a few more out there?)

could be Forces WAGs and Family

PMSL - 3anm - YES - it really really should be (though what about if we have any men who want to join in? )

Hello again. Sorry for the absence - have had the most revolting d and v bug. It was so bad that DH took the day off (and you Forces lot will appreciate what that takes!) and took DD to preschool WITHOUT HAVING TO BE ASKED!
It's lovely to chat to people in the same situation, although we've just done the Afghanistan tour rather than facing it coming up.
My heart goes out to you all waiting for the tours to start - I always think that's the worst bit because you want it all to be lovely before they go and mostly it's not!

I'm envious of you littlelapin. DH is in the RAF and being posted within Lincolnshire to a base about 15 miles away....but can we stay on the MQ here?? No!! Got to move (sigh). We are thinking of buying a house rather than paying for a mq any more, as property prices in Lincolnshire are ok compared to the rest of the country. We already have a house in Harrogate from when dh was at Leeming, but that is rented out. We didn't want to leave Harrogate and go and live in the middle of nowwhere in Lincolnshire, but have got used to it, and its not really the worst that can ahhpen...as you all know.

Small world jillybeans! My dh flies in the aircraft that your dp fixes...hope he knows exactly what hes doing with that wrench....!

Can I join too please, but actually it's me not DH who is "serving". OK I'll come clean, we're both ex Regulars but I am now in the TA on a very part time basis . I say very part time as we currently live in Austria (DHs job) with one DS(4) and I "commute" back to the UK (at my own expense to keep up my TA commitment. I should add I'm in a Specialist unit so no requirement for regular week night or weekend attandance.