Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

I beat my kids

134 replies

Pomi · 05/05/2006 22:27

I beat and swear at my kids but always regret soon after. They are only 2.4 and 1.7 year old. My response towards them is very different, its mostly the elder one who is been beaten as he never misses a single chance of hitting or pushing his brother. Time out does not work for him as when i put him in his cot he starts happily playing in it.
I need to change my behaviour.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 06/05/2006 15:31

We know what you think Scoobytwo. We've read it. Several times. If you don't have anything else to contribute, you should really stop posting.

Pomi knows it's wrong. She is asking for help, advice and support to help her make changes to her parenting. She is being very brave and unselfish in admitting her fault and asking for help. You are not helping.

Thomcat · 06/05/2006 15:33

Of course it's wrong you....... noone is saying what Pomi is doing is right, we all feel the same, it's a matter of helping her. If you can't do that then just step away from the thread. We all know it's wrong love, now we're trying to help.

Sweet jesus, some people.

Hope you can see through all the stupid bickering Pomi and you get the help you need.

scoobytwo · 06/05/2006 15:34

i think iam helping by telling her its wrong,they are unable to tell anyone as they are not even children but babies,i cant beleive in this world people hurt innocent babies
i guess im just so shocked

Thomcat · 06/05/2006 15:35

oh well there you go then Pomi - it's wrong (as if you don't know that yourself) - there that's all the help you need.

sigh

Greensleeves · 06/05/2006 15:35

Could you give us an idea of how many more times you think you're going to need to say it then, Scoobytwo? Just a rough estimate, say, to the nearest ten? Or you could start your own thread...

scoobytwo · 06/05/2006 15:36

i think i will step away from this thread before i say anymore,i dont want to get into a row with anyone,it just hurts&upsets me to think of it thats all,i hope pomi gets some help from those of you that are able to be strong enough to help&not sound off lik me goodluck

Greensleeves · 06/05/2006 15:36

Allelluiah

SaintGeorge · 06/05/2006 15:36

You are not helping though, you are ranting.

The rest of us have pretty muched concluded that english is not Pomi's first language. She herself has clarified the wording. You are persisting in overreacting and getting nasty when it is pointed out to you. You do right to step away.

supakids · 06/05/2006 15:38

STOP THE RANTING PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE

frumpygrumpy · 06/05/2006 16:15

Pomi, I'm sorry you are feeling like this and well done for posting.

Your kids are still very young and sometimes you don't get much back at all from that age group, its just work and mess all the way. As they get older they will get more interesting and you might find you love them in a totally different way than you do now.

I'm not in any doubt that you love them, I think that you need some time out for yourself and some help finding ways that you can interact with them so that it becomes fun for them and for you. If you're not enjoying it, they're not enjoying it.

I'm glad you're going to make a change now so that they will not grow up to be unhappy and knowing only aggression as affection IYKWIM. You need to show them the way and break the circle but you need to feel less stressed and more happy to be able to.

Good luck babe.

Twiglett · 06/05/2006 16:29

Oh Pomi .. it is so difficult sometimes dealing with small children especially with such a small age gap

I think a lot of good advice has been posted

Do you have any friends nearby? have you joined any toddler groups? .. a social network can really help if you have the energy to make one

I do think you should maybe speak to your HV and try to get some support.

Try to counting to 10 slowly .. or even picking older one up and walking him slowly to the step .. he's still very little even though he's the bigger one

please keep posting .. I think some people forget how difficult very small children can be .. I think you need us

.. and I think maybe we need you to remind us of what mumsnet is .. a source of support and advice

stitch · 06/05/2006 16:31

o fgs
pomi's first language is not english.
in her language, the word for beat and smack is the same, afaik. both are considered unnacceptable which is why she is asking for advice.
she doesnt need to be told that smacking babies is wrong. she knows that and is asking for advice . although i think everyone has scared her off,as she hasnt posted for a while now.

so stop preaching at her.

zippitippitoes · 06/05/2006 16:54

pomi you can click on your area of the country \link{http://www.surestart.gov.uk/surestartservices/settings/fundedsettings/\ here on the sure start website to see what is available in your area}

It varies as to where you live from toddler groups to childcare to practical parenting advice and skills training.

FrannyandZooey · 06/05/2006 17:11

ROFL

The Scooby and Greeny show was hilarious guys, when is the next episode?

Pomi, I hope you can pick through this circus to get to the useful advice. You can get a lot of support on here if you can put up with the terminally suspicious, and the terminally rude.

Lockets, you were a star on this thread, as on many others. MN is lucky to have you :)

izzybiz · 06/05/2006 17:17

well done for asking for help. as you can see, there are always a few on MN who would rather shout everybody else down rather than offer any helpful advice. Luckily most Mnetters are very, very helpful and understanding.
My DD is two next week and at times i get very angry with her and shout, i think we all do!
I also think you should give yourself space when you are feeling pushed to the point of smacking.
Even if LO is playing, it gives you chance to have a breather, then deal more calmly. HTH.x

happybebe · 06/05/2006 17:27

Argh another saddening thread. i think some people should remember that we all know smacking to HURT is wrong, and who it is actually worse for, not the child who forgets in a few minutes as they fortunately love their parents unconditionally, but the parent who never ever forgets that it was THEY that caused their child pain, and who never forgives themselves for it. at least the decent ones.

anger is a terrible thing to control, hence why there are anger management courses and congnitive therapy, its a very complex thing. sadly just because you have children doesnt mean you will never get angry and lose control. No one is perfect. but pomi knowing you are doing wrong and adsking for support is a big step in the right direction.

the rest have mostly given you great advice on calming down etc, i would go to the docs and mention that you get very frustrated at times with your kids, as it can sometimes be a sign of depression.

i hope things improve for you and your family :)

Christie · 06/05/2006 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigermoth · 06/05/2006 18:03

Pomi, I remember your name from ages ago - I know you don't post much but have been here a while. I am so sorry you have been given such a hard time on this thread, but hope you make use of the good advice and links to surestart. Bravo Beetroot and others for your level headed posts.

I echo zippitippitoes adivice and I think this comment is spot on "Just because the little one starts playing once removed to his cot for time out that doesn't mean that it isn't a good way of dealing with the behaviour. It is a distraction which is working. You want to improve the quality time for your children not punish them. Discipline can be about good behaviour not necessarily punishment"

IME distraction really is the key at this young age.

Take care and I am sorry your use of the word 'beating' caused such a fuss.

fattiemumma · 06/05/2006 18:24

having been on the receiving end of such suspicion i really feel for you Pomi.

i owuld like to say that i hope you are disreagrding the pathetic attempts to turn your concerns into a slanging match. you will see that despite teh initial worries over your posts authenticity most people have tried to support and advise you.

It is a shame that there are a few parents who, despoite clearly being perfect and without any parenting flas still feel the need to come into forums like this and berate us mere mortals who do get it worng.

i admire your courage for seeing that what you are doing is wrong and i hope that you find some of the advice you have been given useful.

and Scoobytwo- i hope that one day you fall of your ivory tower and land in the real wolrd and see that sometimes even great parents can loose their tempers.
grow up, learn to read between the lines and for heavens sake take some social skills training as you certainly need it

fattiemumma · 06/05/2006 18:25

apologies for so many typo's had DD on my lap ( plus i just can't spell) lol

plummymummy · 06/05/2006 23:01

Sorry to hear what you're going through Pomi. Maybe you should slap dh instead (or throw the playstation away).

mysonsmummy · 06/05/2006 23:49

i am a new poster to MN myself and after readign how some of you have carried on you should feel really crap about yourselves right now. under her real name (something alot of people arent even brave enough to do) pomi asked for advice about something thats really hard to admit to - not only was she given stupid links - well lets just say it was all pathetic and really unthoughtful. if you do not have something constructive to say how about you say nothing. you should have some evidence b4 assuming someone is making something up.

as it seems english is not pomi's first language what she might mean is she smacks them on their bums not backs.

it is was me i would never have posted on here again if i had the response she did and that would have really helped her children wouldn't it?

plummymummy · 07/05/2006 00:15

I feel sorry for her as I said. The comment I made about her dh was a lighthearted attempt to get her to focus on the lack of support she gets from her partner and to try to remedy this so that she doesn't feel her only option is to smack the children.

Tortington · 07/05/2006 02:43

well your obviously not comfortable with the frequency at which you are smacking and shouting.

it seems to me that you feel your losing the plot a little.

remember that only you make memories. go to the shop and make a jelly with the help of your kids - it takes 10 minutes, they can stir and have something to eat later. - lots of praise. they will love you.

when they are naughty. withdraw your attention. its the biggest tool in your arsnel.

its draining being angry all the time.

get them to paint you pictures and put them up on the walls.

kids pictures look so much better than any fancy furnishings you have.

make a star chart - for good behavior. get them to helpy ou make it.

or do the pasta jar thing. a piece of pasta for good behviour - at the end of the say ( got to be short term) they get a reward - an extra bed time story?

stick som food colouring in the bath. let them have a red or green bath or paddling pool

stick em some wellies on and let them stomp around in puddles - join it - its fun

bigbaubleeyes · 07/05/2006 02:56

oh MG pomi havn't read all of posts am v new mum anyway don't think cud advise but when i read your original post i thought you were US as 'beat is such a 'US' term (I think im' right from posts that i did read) I immediately thort you meant 'smack' - so ignore many of posts as they throt your meant proper beat up black n blue