I beat my kids

[Pomi]

I beat and swear at my kids but always regret soon after. They are only 2.4 and 1.7 year old. My response towards them is very different, its mostly the elder one who is been beaten as he never misses a single chance of hitting or pushing his brother. Time out does not work for him as when i put him in his cot he starts happily playing in it.
I need to change my behaviour.

i think that smacking is certainly not abnormal. i dont like the idea of a child of 2 being smacked across the back but i also know how hard it can be on your own with two chidlren so can understand where you are coming from.

i think the advice already given, to contact your health visitor and to maybe try and speak to Homestart/ surestart is very good.
at the very least it will give you some respite.

Smacking in itself doesnt make you a bad mother, in fact your desire to alter your behaviour is a great thing.

i wish you luck.

beating your kids!!!!
thats discusting im sorry but it is&they are only inocent babies

helpful comment from scooby!!!

Pomi, i think you do need to talk to your HV and I think perhaps taking your oldest son to nursery might be good for both of you.

Do you manage to get out with them>? To hte park? playgroups or toddler groups?

Do you manage to get time away from them

I always think that children learn their behaviousr from adults so if you are hitting your chidlren then your children in turn will hit each other/you/other chidren. And thus you have a vious circle.

I have always used time out.

Good Luck

I do find it sad that when people ask for help on mumsnet there is first a great debate as to whether they are stirring things up or a 'real' poster.

My friend smacks her kids and swears at them. She does it because she gets to the end of her tether and cannot cope. One kid has ADHD, the other is currently being tested. The parents rarely stuck to one dicipline method, so they'd try time out and give up when it didn't work out overnight, and resort back to smacking.
Pomi, you need help. You need to ask for help. Speak to your HV. Speak to a friend. Speak to somebody. I think it would help you to settle on a disicipline route (time out, star charts, rewards etc) and stick to it.
You write that "Time out does not work for him as when i put him in his cot he starts happily playing in it." but maybe him playing happily in the cot isa good thing as it gives you a minute to chill down.
I hope you get the help that you need.

sorry beetroot shud i have said well done!!!

oh really scooby, don't be so ridiculous. Surely it is a good policy in real life as on Mn to try to say something helpful or not say anything?

thats why the world is in such a sorry state as people turn a blind eye&say nothing,i have my opinion&thats it
beating kids is wrong

what a very incisive and constructive appraisal of Pomi's situation, Scooby. Very helpful, and not at all sanctimonious.

And Pomi, I hope you're ignoring the ignorant little digs on this thread and reading the valuable advice and support which is here. Well done for asking for help. I hope you get it.:)

hear hear GS

What a sorry state the world is in? Perhaps because instead of getting help, people are preached at ? When they are askein for advice they are just told that they are wrong...HMMMMM

scooby, fgs read the thread properly before you stick your oar in.

Pomi, ignore those posts. Others here have apologised for doubting you (controversial threads are a hot topic at the moment). 'Beat' is certainly an emotive word and the unfortunate use of it in the thread title doesn't help.

Maybe a new thread with a better title is in order so you can get the helpful, sensible advice and support you need without the anger of posters who don't bother to read the details.

Personally I know I couldnt cope with kids with such a small age gap and even if you werent smacking them, I would suggest getting extra help. There are no prizes for managing on your own and being a perfect parent.

See your hv and follow the good advice here and make sure you get as much help as possible. Perhaps you may be entitled to some free nursery childcare for one or both of them to give you a break.

pomi,you are not alone ,we've all lost it at some time with our kids.Well done for recognising that it needs to stop.
Try and get some time to yourself,nursery or local recreation centre creche.
Have you watched any of the tv programs like tiny tearaways or little angels.The disciplining methods on there really work.Putting your child in his cot seems to calm the situation so I think it's worth doing.
Hope you get the support you need.Having two kids that close must be really hard.

SaintGeorge if peeps didnt want others opinions then they wouldnt post that they beat their kids on a open discssion,you have certainly stuck your oar in too

Why did you assume this poster was not genuine. Mnay many people beat/hit/smack their children. This poster just thinks her own behaviour is wrong and is looking for advice.

Not sure how you stop beating or smacking your children. You probably need professional advice and almost certainly need some practical support. HV is a possibility or perhaps ask GO for referal to a councellor. You don't have to say what is specifically wrong or maybe see if there are parenting classes in your area.

I agree that it would be a very good idea to have a word with your HV.
Being a parent is a very hard job & we all find it tough at times.
I work in a school, keep my cool with 30 children day in day out, but there are times when I cannot cope with my own 2.
I have asked for help from my HV on several occasions & she has come up with loads of great ideas. One that is working really well is a marble jar for DS1, where he gets to put a couple of marbles into a jar everytime he does something good. When he gets a certain number of marbles in his jar he gets a treat.
It sounds like you are finding it all a bit tough atm, so give your HV a ring & arrange for her to pay you a visit.
Good luck!

guidance, help, information, suggestions, advice, recommendation.

are alll more useful words than opinions on their own!

guidence
do not beat young babies&children

yawn!

With a bit of spelling and puntuation Scooby, you might just have something there

Have you considered a career as a HV?

punctuation

snottsleeves i have a career as a mother ta
i dont care about my spelling on here as its not an important letter

look, I thought it had been established that the OP meant smack and not beat in the title. I agree it was a very contentious title though.

of course beating children is wrong - I don't think anyone here disagrees with that. but just censuring the person means they'll just slink away and not do anything about it which won't help the children at all. Trying to point her in the right direction for some help means those children may end up better off. It's saying the behaviour is OK - noone on here thinks it is.

why did you use the word 'beat' pomi - it certainly sounds stronger than what you have described. not sure what advice to give, surestart is good though and having friends in the same situation does make things seem less hopeless....