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Original poster

I beat my kids

134 replies

Pomi · 05/05/2006 22:27

I beat and swear at my kids but always regret soon after. They are only 2.4 and 1.7 year old. My response towards them is very different, its mostly the elder one who is been beaten as he never misses a single chance of hitting or pushing his brother. Time out does not work for him as when i put him in his cot he starts happily playing in it.
I need to change my behaviour.

OP posts:
arfy · 06/05/2006 15:14

oh FFS - I mean it's not SAYING the behaviour is OK

pomi, I hope you get some help, you've admitted you need help which is a good thing

Blossomhill · 06/05/2006 15:15

I am sorry but I am going to go against the grain here. How can you beat a 2.4 and 1.7 yr old :(

What do you mean by beat?

arfy · 06/05/2006 15:15

and I mean FFS at my typing not anyone else BTW

goodness MNet is hard to post on at the moment!

scoobytwo · 06/05/2006 15:15

goodpoint arfy
but to slag me off for having an opinion is damn childish after all im no saying owt that isnt true

beetroot · 06/05/2006 15:16

Pomi says her mother is living in another country, I wonder if Pomi herself is from another country and there is a slight translation problem? just a thought (regarding useling the word BEAT instead of smack

nothercules · 06/05/2006 15:16

Does it matter what she means by "beat"? What purpose will it serve knowing that? Of course she needs help and that's what she wants and is asking for.

scoobytwo · 06/05/2006 15:16

thank god
im not the only one to point out that beating baies is wrong

arfy · 06/05/2006 15:17

Saint George is prob right that a new thread without beat in the title is probably a better way to go for this.

nothercules · 06/05/2006 15:18

Fine to say it's wrong but what about adding some advice or words of wisdom....

Thomcat · 06/05/2006 15:19

Pomi, sorry that some people have seen fit to shout you down rather than try and help. You are obviously unhappy and upset with yourself for 'hitting your kids on their backs'. I think the first step has been made, well done for talking about this and seeking help, I just hope you can ignore the likes of scoobypoo.

Next time they wind you up and you feel tempted to raise your hand, stop and count to 10 and think of a better way to calm the situation.

arfy · 06/05/2006 15:19

the word beat is wrong - this is the post from Pomi where she explains it.

Beating babies is most definitely wrong, and I don't actually think anyone here has said it's OK.

-----
By Pomi on Friday, 5 May, 2006 10:59:23 PM

Starlove i think i have use the wrong word i only smack them on their back.

I have thought so many times of sending ds1 to nursary but... he does not nap at all although when ds2 is napping he is much more behaved as maybe he is getting all my attention.

Never thought about talking to hv about it. I often talk with dh about it but there is nothing he can do. and my mum does not live in this country.

Italianjob what is that surestart thing? and where can i get more information about it. Souds good to me.

Greensleeves · 06/05/2006 15:19

"snottsleeves"?

What a very original idea. Grin

Nobody is "slagging you off" (ugly term) for having opinions, just for voicing them repeatedly in an unhelpful way.

We've heard your opinion now. It's wrong to beat small children. Coming through loud and clear. Yuo can go away now. Grin

scoobytwo · 06/05/2006 15:21

well get lost&stop talking to me then snottsleeves

Greensleeves · 06/05/2006 15:21

Miss! Scoobytwo is picking on me!!Grin

scoobytwo · 06/05/2006 15:23

get a life
and stop trying to pick a fight with me

beetroot · 06/05/2006 15:23

Do you two know each other andare having a laugh or is scooby being, well extremely rude and name calling Shock playground stuff??

Thomcat · 06/05/2006 15:23

Oh scoobypoo, take your bickering elsewhere and can we concentrate on giving Pomi the help she has asked for, FFS.

Greensleeves · 06/05/2006 15:23

I'm afraid it's the latter, beetroot.

Sorry, Pomi.

arfy · 06/05/2006 15:24

Pomi I would start a new thread asking for advice on coping with your kids. 'Beat' is an emotive word and I think we've pretty much established that you actually mean 'smack' (hopefully). Even so you're not happy with how you're dealing with your kids.

also if you can search messages and look in the appropriate headings there are quite a lot of threads on disciplining children and coping with bad behaviour which should help you.

supakids · 06/05/2006 15:25

Read some of thread, so sorry if repeating. You need to see health visitor straight away and get some anger management therapy. I would also suggest getting help with parenting classes too. It will help you put things into perspective when the kids are full on. REMEMBER they dont know what they are doing to wind you up so you shouldnt respond to them as if they do know.

Angeliz · 06/05/2006 15:26

Pomi, i think abnormal is the wrong word.
What you are doing though is very very wrong. Infact to me it's horrendous, they are not even naughty kids yet they are babies.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone but Pomi, you came on being very truthful and i really hope you can change your behaviour.
As someone mentioned, your H.V, G.P is a good place to start. You need to speak to someone as soon as you can. You obviously soind very stressed at your situation and need help.
I hinestly hope you get it as soon as possible as hitting babies is really very damagingSad

I'm sorry if i sound harsh but think you need to hear it and i really hope you get some help+

katzg · 06/05/2006 15:28

i got the impression that pomi might not have english as a first language and just unfourtueatly used the wrong word, meaning she hits her children rather than beats.

Do you think that DS1 would respond to a star chart? i found a fab one \link{http://www.rewardcharts.com/rewardcharts.html\here} My DD1 has responded so well to her new one and because its so big she feels very proud of it, it also comes with some very helpful advice. The main reason star charts work are because they help you to praise the good and ignore the bad, plus you can use the well if you do X then you can get a sticker. These particular charts have 3 small rewards to build towards then one big one.

Another good behaviour techinque is marbles into a jar, child starts with say 10 marbles in the jar every time they are good they get another marble if they are naughty then loose a marble, an agreed number of marbles at the end of the day equals a reward say an extra bedtime story, choc bar ect

hope these help

scoobytwo · 06/05/2006 15:29

thomcat go away too
beating babies is wrong wrong wrong&i will never change my mind no matter how many times you wanna call me scoobypoo
name calling eh

Angeliz · 06/05/2006 15:30

Also if you are finding the older one the hardest, then when he starts misbehaving, why not focus on removing the little one and leaving the older one to calm down?
Might help you both calm down.

zippitippitoes · 06/05/2006 15:31

I think you know that your method of smacking isn't working, so on that alone it's something to stop.

Just because the little one starts playing once removed to his cot for time out that doesn't mean that it isn't a good way of dealing with the behaviour. It is a distraction which is working. You want to improve the quality time for your children not punish them. Discipline can be about good behviour not necessarily punishment.

Do you find time to play alongside them during the day. Some activities work well with them together eg nursery rhymes and actions, building with bricks. Has the older one started being able to concentrate for longer amount of time? Can he be shown how to play with the little one..

If you go to Sure Start (find out about it in your local library)then you may get some ideas for playing with them appropriate to their ages.