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Original poster

I beat my kids

134 replies

Pomi · 05/05/2006 22:27

I beat and swear at my kids but always regret soon after. They are only 2.4 and 1.7 year old. My response towards them is very different, its mostly the elder one who is been beaten as he never misses a single chance of hitting or pushing his brother. Time out does not work for him as when i put him in his cot he starts happily playing in it.
I need to change my behaviour.

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 05/05/2006 22:36

Po,mi has posted before on soem other threads. I think she is for real, and asking for help here....

starlover · 05/05/2006 22:37

do you just mean smacking pomi? or you actually beat them?

ItalianJob · 05/05/2006 22:37

Agree that HV is probably the best starting point. Sounds like you aren't coping atm. I can see that the 2.4 year old's behaviour is frustrating, but it really isn't that unusual at that age, and he is still very young.

sparkler1 · 05/05/2006 22:37

I don't want to feel "hmmmmm" but, unfortunately, I get the feeling that this may not be genuine. Maybe someone just wanting to stir things up.
If I am wrong Pomi then I'm very sorry. Unfortunately, some threads started on MN sometimes put doubt in our minds.
If you are genuine Pomi I hope you get the help that you so desperately need.

niceglasses · 05/05/2006 22:38

Well its good you recognize a change is needed because it isn't working anyway. Is there anyone you can talk to? What about your childrens father or your mother? Being a mum is bloody hard - you need some help and so do your kids.

If this is the only way you are talking about this I hope you can keep posting.

fuzzywuzzy · 05/05/2006 22:39

I'd speak to a health visitor, and I'd also look into sending your eldest to nursery a few mornings a week which will give you time with just one (which I find is much more relaxing). And also when your eldest then comes home, he'll eat and nap...hopefully

ItalianJob · 05/05/2006 22:41

If you are in a Surestart area, they often do classes with a creche - say an exercise class or sometimes parenting classes - if you can't afford nursery that may be a way of getting some space.

NotAnOtter · 05/05/2006 22:43

try just closing a door and going away from them for a minute or two when you 'see red'
be selfish and take time for yourself whenever you can...

Original poster
Pomi · 05/05/2006 22:44

Thanks fuzzywuzzy for your message. I must start time out again.
There is 11 months between my kids and since ds2 is born i am having a realy hard time looking after them i some time become mad and shout so loud that all the neighbours can hear.
Is my behaviour abnormal and do you think i should seek some advice?

OP posts:
starlover · 05/05/2006 22:46

i don't think your behaviour is abnormal per se... but i don't think it'll help your kids.
i mean, they're still behaving the same right?
so you need to figure out a different way of disciplining them.

it's definitely worth talking to your HV about and seeing if they run any parentcourse classes in your area... they may be able to give you some ideas for other ways to deal with the children

lockets · 05/05/2006 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzywuzzy · 05/05/2006 22:49

I think it's normal to feel at the end of your tether. But I think you need help with your children, you are obviously not coping very well at the moment. And both your children are still babies.

Do you not have any family/friends around to help you out occasionally??

amber5 · 05/05/2006 22:49

'abnormal' really isn't the right word. but by the fact that you're posting this, i think you know it's not good and not working. Yes Definately go see/ talk to someone in RL ASAP

NotAnOtter · 05/05/2006 22:49

Pomi -sorry i doubted you - shouting at children so neighbours can hear is normal i am sure most of us have done - i do it all the time!!! Being very tired and on a short fuse can make us all likely to lose control once in a while..your babies are both still very young and can be hard work.
Maybe you should just go to hv and say you need to find ways of dealing with your stress because you feel unhappy about smacking.... I smack and usually when i look at why it has happened its simply because i did not take a few deep breaths at the time and look for ANOTHER way of dealing with a situation. smacking makes most of us feel bad. Dont beat yourself up - ask for some help Wink

sixtwosix · 05/05/2006 22:50

oh pomi, how awful for you.

to everyone else, pomi is a regular poster. she has two kids with only 11 months between them. a dh who works or comes home and plays on his playstation. inlaws who dont help at all. and as far as i know, no family in the uk atall. she is asking for help and advice. be kind to her. it takes guts to admit you are doing something you shouldnt be doing.

i used to be known as stitch. an excessively regular regular at times.

niceglasses · 05/05/2006 22:50

yeah, time out - just gives you chance to draw breath.

Boringly obvious but lots of Tanya Byron stuff might work with the older one - heaps of praise for the slightest thing done which pleases you etc. I was doubtful this would work but really does..........might be too young for sticker charts and all that bollocks but I think the praise and cuddles and stuff really works. Ignore the bad, prasie the good blah blah.

ItalianJob · 05/05/2006 22:51

agree with Fuzzywuzzy - it is very very difficult to have two young children so close together in age, but it does sound like you need to speak to your HV, as if you are struggling atm.

Piffle · 05/05/2006 22:51

Could you define beating Pomi?

In my opinion that sounds pretty dramatic and I would urge you to seek support and guidance immediately.

sixtwosix · 05/05/2006 22:54

i think that when you say 'beat' you actually mean smack?
i had hoped that things would be better for you after your trip home, but they are just babies still, and you have a tough job taking care of them both on your own.
email me at saadusatti at yahoo dot com maybe i can help out a bit. but you need to speak to your health visitor. and sure start perhaps?

sixtwosix · 05/05/2006 22:56

pomi, when you say that putting him in the cot is coutner productive because he just starts playing? surely that is the desired outcome? at 2.7 he is just a baby, and nothing he does will be with malign intent?

Original poster
Pomi · 05/05/2006 22:59

Starlove i think i have use the wrong word i only smack them on their back.

I have thought so many times of sending ds1 to nursary but... he does not nap at all although when ds2 is napping he is much more behaved as maybe he is getting all my attention.

Never thought about talking to hv about it. I often talk with dh about it but there is nothing he can do. and my mum does not live in this country.

Italianjob what is that surestart thing? and where can i get more information about it. Souds good to me.

OP posts:
sixtwosix · 05/05/2006 23:02

\link{http://www.surestart.gov.uk/\surestart website}

ItalianJob · 05/05/2006 23:03

www.surestart.gov.uk/surestartservices/settings/fundedsettings/

this page should give you an idea as to where they do surestart things locally

the website isn't very user friendly - your best bet to find out more information would be to phone up/go down to the centre yourself to find out what sort of classes etc they offer, or your HV should know.

fuzzywuzzy · 05/05/2006 23:05

Pomi your HV will tell you if there's a sure start in your area.

Send your eldest to nursery anyway, he'll get rid of his pent up energy there. Whilst he's at nursery you can have time with your younger child who will be better behaved as he won't be winding up his elder brother. Trust me I was amazed at the difference sending my older daughter to nursery made to me sanity.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 05/05/2006 23:05

I shall watch this thread with interest.............