please help. I can't deal with my baby anymore.

[nickytwotimes]

It is me again.
He has terrible reflux.
He won't feed today.
he screams all the time, sometimes from pain but often from exhaustion.
I am exhausted from trying to soothe him.
i have another son who is totally ignored because of his brother.
My husband is off too and I still can't cope.
I wish we had never had him.
I hate what he has doen to us.
we have nothing anymore, no family lifre.

Oh you sound fed up, poor thing. It's grimola. But it will get better, it really will. How old is he? Have you been tested for PND? Have you got any RL help, apart from DH, who can take him out for a wee while while you get a break?

he's 11 weeks.
I hve help, but it makes no odds, he always comes back and he is always crying.
I don;t have PND - I just need him to not have reflux anymore.

he won't eaat. He just fusses today.
Makes me feel even shittier.
ANd I keep screaming as ds1 he is scared.

i just parked ds 1 in front of the telly and shout at him.
I hate this.

Have you spoken to the GP/HV about the reflux?

Try to keep in mind (and god, I know it's hard) that it's a phase, and that your family life will return, and hopefully be enriched by your new baby. It seems never-ending in those first few months, but they will pass.

How about seeing if you could get a surestart (is that what it's called?) helper for a few hours a week? I know it's not a solution to the reflux, but it might at least allow you to spend some 1-1 time with your other son?

We see paediatricians regularly.
TRhey ghave been good tbh.
HV and GP ar erubbish.
Nothing helps.
Thanks for the posts, midnight.

NTT, if you don't have any relatives who can give you a break, call the health visitor. Mine talked great sense to me when I was isolated and at the end of my tether, got me through a couple of real crisis points, and then things got better. I didn't feel like a good mum till dd was 6 months.

If you can afford it can you find a mobile beautician who can come and do a home massage or aromatherapy? Anything which will help relax you for an hour in a positive way.
How about getting outside with the pram, walking as far as you can (tomorrow maybe) It may notfeel as bad when you're moving, getting fresh air, being outdoors

let us kinow how you get on

I am exhausted walking him in the buggy.
It helps, but only when I do it a few hours. I can;t do it. He hates sling, everything.
Nothing pleases him.

That's OK NTT, keep talking, even if you just want a moan it might help to release the pressure a bit. DS2 was a complete tyrant until he was about 6 months old, and I well remember the despair. In fact, he's still a bit of a tyrant (3.6), but we all adore him. And he sleeps better than his angelic older sibling too . I can remember having a few friends round one day when he was about 4 months old, answering the door, wild-eyed and saying 'he doesn't sleep. He just doesn't sleep.'

oh dear.. that sounds utterly, utterly horrible

are his meds right? IIRc, they need adjusting as his weight increases ...

can your DH take him out for walks so you can rest? can you get any other help so you can rest?

i think if you felt less ragged, it would make it a tiny bit more bearable

if someone took him for a walk every day so you had some time with DS1 and some time alone, would that help?

have you tried cranial osteopathy aswell? it can really help soothe babies .. it won't cure reflux, but might just help him to relax a little

does being upright against you or DH help him?

Don't know if you've tried Harvey Karp's 5 S's - watch - remember the 'swing' is more like a jiggle and the ssshhh has to be surprisingly loud. Worth a try if you haven't already, although as your poor DS is in pain I am not sure whether it will work.

My friend's baby was like yours in the early weeks and she really struggled - once he'd got better she really really wished she'd asked more people for help - eg I had offered to come and take him for a walk but she always said no. She regrets that now and feels she made it harder for herself. Take all offers of help and get a break for yourself.

Remember, TTSP (this too shall pass. He WILL get better and you will survive. x

I have looked after a baby just like this so even though it wasn't mine I do understand how difficult it can be.

Yes try cranial osteopathy it may help to settle him.

Can you get a referral to a paediatrician?

Is he on medication?

It will get better. If you are in Dorset I am around after the 16th if you would like some help.

You might be able to get help from Homestart, a family support charity. Whereabouts in the country are you? Roughly will do.

Thank you for all your messages.
I have a friend whose sister treats babies (chiropractic) and we are going to try that.
He is on meds and sees paeds.

DH took him out for an hour and Ihave eaten something I feel a bit calmer now and your messages helped.

He is screaming his head off in his swing next to me at tha moment, but it isn;t getting to me as much!

I can;t imagine ever getting through this!

Poor you what area are you from if, i might be able to help. just put him in his cot and walk away for ten mins if he is really getting to you

I am in south west scotland.

You reallya re all very nice!

Christ, he is doing stuck pig noise now and foaming at the mouth. Poor thing is overtired now.

I wish it was like th eold days when doc would give sedatives! For me as well as him.

oh sorry i am in the south would have came round and helped. but you will be fine

Oh bless you - you sound at the end of your tether. I wish I had some cure-all solution - all I can say is it gets better, your DS1 will cope, hang in there and accept any help you can get. Try and get a break from him if you can - if your DH is home, can you go to the park tomorrow with DS1 for an hour?

I really feel for you. I went through it with ds1 and it felt like it would never, ever get better.

But it does. The meds do help. If they don't get them to give you something else.

As he grows and goes onto solids he will improve too.

Keep reminding yourself that it will pass.

Huge sympathies, nicky, I know you are going through baby hell and it is no fun at all for all concerned. My DS2 had terrible reflux (he was premature) and DS4 also had real problems (was on Omeprazole, Domperidone and Gaviscon and still cried constantly, did not sleep day or night and gained weight only very slowly), but is getting better now that he is 5 months old.
Like you I knew I was not depressed, just at the end of my tether and exhausted physically and mentally. I feel we are only just beginning to come out the other side and what has helped is DS4 discovering the use of his hands, bizarrely. He still has no solids and is (almost) EBF.
BTW, we tried cranial osteopathy x3 and it did not make much difference, nor did sleeping in an Amby .

Here is what helped/helps me not to go insane and still be some kind of a mother for the other 3:

Take one day at a time. Or live in the moment, do not look ahead and think "I cannot do this another day/another 6 months".

Take advantage of help as much as possible. Nevermind that he cries again when he comes back to you, if somebody else can take him for a walk at least for that period of time you do not have to listen to him scream.

I eventually suffered a bit of an empathy bypass and consciously decided that crying a bit (say 10 min so I could deal with messy 2 year old DS3 for instance) won't do him any harm. I hate letting babies cry or any form of controlled crying, but my, sometimes it is inevitable, and particularly when there are other children involved, you don't always have a choice, so I just decided not to feel bad about it. I still don't like it, but I have stopped feeling guilty.

Step away from the baby when it is really bad. I know I had to at times put him down somewhere safe, ie his cot, and leave him to it so I could have some chocolate a bit of breathing space to regain my composure. I've done a fair bit of crying of frustration and helplessness and shouting at the other kids though.

It WILL get better. DS2 who is now 6 has proved this to me and I know this one will get out the other side as well. All I have to do is survive as well. And you will make it to.

Sorry, I am waffling, but your post struck a shord with me.
Take home message: accept all help and do not waste valuable nervous energy on feeling inadequate/guilty/exasperated.

Very very best of luck and loads of positive vibes being sent your way.

Nothing to add, I know nothing about reflux but keep posting because you can vent a bit.

Deep breaths :). Really feel for you.

Huge sympathies

Oh Nicky

Your posts bring back so many horrible memories

You will get through this. He will not always be just a screaming blob. Your DS1 will not be harmed by this - he will learn about putting people in more need than you first.

Keep posting, keep ranting, keep hugging your babies as much as you can. One day you will look back at this and realise that you are a superwoman for doing it. And you are. Keep telling yourself that. You are brilliant and you can do this.

I'm going to really look out for your posts from now on. I don't know exactly what it's like for you as you are different to me, and have different children. But I do remember how hideous I found the first months (felt like years!) of my DD2's life. I went on to have four more children and DD2 is now the most wonderful, spirited, kind child you could ever want to meet.

Nicky, I'm in Glasgow, if you're near there and need someone to take him out for walk? DS1 starts school next week so afternoons are probably better for us atm while he's on half days, but we're around.