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Original poster

please help. I can't deal with my baby anymore.

156 replies

nickytwotimes · 11/08/2010 17:12

It is me again.
He has terrible reflux.
He won't feed today.
he screams all the time, sometimes from pain but often from exhaustion.
I am exhausted from trying to soothe him.
i have another son who is totally ignored because of his brother.
My husband is off too and I still can't cope.
I wish we had never had him.
I hate what he has doen to us.
we have nothing anymore, no family lifre.

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Original poster
nickytwotimes · 11/08/2010 19:40

Oh, thank you for the messages.

I am crying (again).

DH has taken him out in the car now as he was just awful. Screaming getting worse. He is so so tired.

Ds 1 said " baby twotimes is causing all this trouble, isn't he?" poor thing.

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Original poster
nickytwotimes · 11/08/2010 19:43

thank you midnight.

I am quite a long way from the big city, but very kind of you to offer. Smile

I keep thinking I won't let the crying get to me, but it kills me every time.

I have left him in a safe place once or twice na dleft the room as I was going to lose it.

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Effjay · 11/08/2010 19:44

Oh you poor thing.

I've heard cranial osteopathy is very good, from some mums who were finding it equally tough, but have no experience of it myself.

Also, I really think you need a return trip to the GP.

How old is DS1?

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MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 11/08/2010 19:45

Of course it kills you. It's meant to make you feel awful so you try to do something about it. It's not your fault that every single thing you try doesn't work Sad.

Are you breastfeeding (I'm sure you've already said if you are or aren't so apologies for being dense!)? If so, have you spoken to a breastfeeding counsellor at all?

Llamasarequadrapeds · 11/08/2010 19:48

Nicky I live in the West of Scotland too, in Argyll. If you are in the area I can lend a hand?

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 11/08/2010 19:49

And I think addressing how your DS1 sees him is important too. Important to say 'but we love DS2 and if you, DS1, were poorly, we would be doing everything we possibly could to help you get well, and something isn't right with DS2 and we are trying to make it right, but we can't find out what exactly is wrong, or find out the right thing to fix it. But you know he will grow out of it, and the more you, and me and Daddy show him we love him, the happier he'll be - if we didn't show him all this love, he might be even more unhappy'

And remind yourself of it too. Something I wish I'd done when DD2 was a baby, but thought up when she was a hard work toddler, was to take photos and/or jot down on a piece of paper any happy times we experienced together. Then I stuck them inside a kitchen cupboard door with a note reminding me how much I love her. Then, when I felt like I hated her and could quite happily put her outside for someone to take off my hands, or worse, I would go and look at my pictures or note and remind myself why I was doing it all.

I also had a friend who used to text me at random points in the day saying 'remember you love DD2', which helped massively.

Original poster
nickytwotimes · 11/08/2010 19:50

Ds 1 os 4.
I am breastfeeding. It is the only thing keeping me going at times.
I am South AYrshire, a bit far from Argyll I think?
Thank you so much

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Original poster
nickytwotimes · 11/08/2010 19:52

MrsWobble, that is a good idea.

I do see him a screaming blob - not a person or anything. I want to enjoy him. I am angry that I cna't.

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MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 11/08/2010 19:52

Do you want me to text you? I'd be more than happy to.

Original poster
nickytwotimes · 11/08/2010 19:53

and yes, have seen bf counsellor. They have been good.

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MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 11/08/2010 19:54

They can't fix it, though, can they? Sad

You need someone you can send sweary texts to when you're at your wits end, who won't judge you.

Original poster
nickytwotimes · 11/08/2010 19:57

NO, it seems like noone can fix it. Sad

I wish I had a time machine!

I will get bf to do texting, and I lile the photo idea thing. We have hardly any photos of him and none of the first 4 weeks before he got any meds as there was nothing but screaming. I have only one of him smiling. We had dozens of ds1.

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Scootergrrrl · 11/08/2010 19:59

What about contacting Cry-sis? Their number is on their website if you google it (sorry, can't do links on my phone). I do hope you can begin to enjoy your family, and your baby, soon. I cant imagine how hard it must be for you.

mrsjuan · 11/08/2010 20:03

Nicky, I really do feel for you - Mrs wobble has given you some great ideas - I think I'll pinch them myself.

Remember, you will enjoy him - definitely within a year, if not within a few months

I am wondering whether to say this or not as I really don't want to upset you any more but is there any chance he could be hungry? I know you've said he's not fed very well recently and that is most likely because of the reflux but do you think your supply might have suffered a bit due to the fussy feeding?

Have you tried him with a little bottle or cup of EBM / enfamil?

Please feel free to ignore / shout at me.

sharbie · 11/08/2010 20:04

my dd was the same.it WILL get better.it really will. Smile
what worked for me was to ignore her in the end (if i could),when i knew i had done everything for her i could i put her in her car seat in front of tv and turned volume up and watched with ds (i too felt so guilty about him) alongside her screaming.
it was very hard to switch off from the crying though but i got to the point where i just wanted to get away from it.
it was AWFUL having a baby who just screamed and screamed day and night and didn't sleep.
my dd is now a delightful 12 yo.
you will get through this don't be too hard on yourself.good luck.

GoldenGreen · 11/08/2010 20:05

You poor thing. I seem to remember reading that you had hyperemesis during pg as well, didn't you? I had it at the same time and could manage to read your posts but wasn't able to write any messages of support.

I just wanted to say - be kind to yourself - ds1 will be just fine with cbeebies for a few more weeks. And I second whoever said don't turn down any offers of help!

Anyway,I have read in a couple of places that a high proportion of babies with reflux also have a cow's milk protein intolerance (not the same as lactose intolerance). You would need to go completely dairy free for two weeks to see if he improves. Have you talked to the paed about this at all?

Original poster
nickytwotimes · 11/08/2010 20:12

yes, I had hyperemesis. And that passed too, can barely remember it now, so I guess (logically) this will too.

I am dairy free. Thought it made no difference, then I had some at the weekedn and all hell borke loose.

He is hungry, yes, dfinitely. He is on semi-nursing strike and I am pumping. He is not keen on it from any source atm...

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Original poster
nickytwotimes · 11/08/2010 20:12

GOlden, how did your pregnancy go?
Is it a distant memory for you too?

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madamebovine · 11/08/2010 20:15

I really feel for you. I had a DS with ishooos. We found Dr Browns bottles and comfort milk really helped (I know you're BF). He's 8 months old and we've got him onto normal formula and normal (Avent) bottles now.

Can I send you the Dr Brown's bottles? I think they're magic. Then if you express/give formula you might have some success?

PacificDogwood · 11/08/2010 20:16

Nicky, I am in Lanarkshire and would be happy to help in any way you'd find helpful IYKWIM. Cannot make him not cry though Sad.

How old is your baby? What meds is he on? Do you feel meds have made a difference to him? Has he been seen at Yorkhill?? They were fabulous with us when DS2 was very unwell.

I tried going dairy free as well and it made no difference. The ONLY think that helped was time passing, I am afraid.

Poor poor you and your poor DS, it is rotten and very unfair.

PandaEis · 11/08/2010 20:18

hi, im so sorry you are feeling like thisSad

my DD, while she didnt have reflux(AFAIK) she was and is still a poor sleeper and i remember after about 2 hours of sleep in 2-3 days feeling like i was going madHmm it does get better(or you adjust to copeHmm)its just shite at the moSad

can i just ask...and this may have already been investigated...if your DS is constantly screaming in pain, has he been checked out for allergies? lactose intolerance or allergy to milk can cause the awful pain similar to what you describe and it is accompanied by stomach cramps and never goes away so the screaming is morning noon and nightSad i have a few friends whose DCs had similar problems and there was just no rest. i asked about this and they asked their consultant paed to check it out and this turned out to be the problem and not reflux afterall. it is 'cured' by a change in milk and it can still happen even if your DC is exclusively BF. it would just mean you would have to adjust your diet to lower the dairy content.

again apologies if this has already been looked into but if it hasnt then that may be an avenue to look at?

mrsjuan · 11/08/2010 20:20

Ok, keep pumping (that is exhausting too Sad), keep offering.
Dairy from the weekend is probably still in your system but by the weekend it will be gone again - keep focussing on that.

Have you tried having a bath with him? Or a tummy tub? Tummy tub was the only thing that calmed DD sometimes.

I'm so sorry that nothing seems to be able to help him - you are doing so so well to keep going.

Llamasarequadrapeds · 11/08/2010 20:21

Sorry I'm too far away to help Nicky. I can see South Ayrshire from here on a clear day, not that that helps!

duende · 11/08/2010 20:24

Nicky, I am so sorry you're going through this. And it is bringing back horrible memories for me too. My DS was exactly the same. People used to tell me they had never heard anything similar in their life. I was so exhausted, one day DP found my sitting on the floor, sobbing and shaking. I remember going to bed and hearing his screams in my head - even if he was asleep...

It really will pass! DS was better from about 5 months old and we managed to take him off meds at 8 months.

Please remind me what medication (and doses) your DS is on? DS was much better once on 10mg of omeprazole and on nutramigen (cow milk protein free formula).

We also swear by dr browns bottles.

GoldenGreen · 11/08/2010 20:48

oh nicky - dairy free and having to pump too - I really have no words of wisdom at all and sorry to see so many others on the thread have gone through it too - though at least it's proof they all survived, iyswim.

The hyperemesis passed for me at about 18 weeks and I had a bit of respite before starting with SPD - it was manageable though. dd is 12 weeks on Friday. Had a PPH after the birth and am only just starting to feel myself again so really really feel for you going through this.