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Original poster

Do you correct other peoples children over manners?

219 replies

unicorn · 04/08/2005 12:26

I have this ongoing issue with one of my dds friends...
whenever she is in the back of my car, she talks about me as though I weren't there...
eg "what did SHE say..?"

Anyway there is something very irksome about this 6 year old...
I corrected her a while back when she asked for something without a please, or thankyou... and I guess she thinks I am a cow!

Anyhow just wondered - do you 'correct' other kids (even though their parents may have different standards vis a vis manners?)

OP posts:
robinia · 04/08/2005 12:29

I'll waith for them to say please before I give them anything. I'll remind them to take their shoes off when coming into the house - so yes to a certain extent I do.

WigWamBam · 04/08/2005 12:29

Yes, I do. Their parents may have other standards but if they're with me and my daughter, my standards apply. It's confusing for my dd otherwise.

Kelly1978 · 04/08/2005 12:32

yep. Their parents may have different standards but I wouldn't accept rudeness from any child.

trefusis · 04/08/2005 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tarantula · 04/08/2005 12:41

If a child asks me for something I will generally wait for a please and a thank you (depending on the age of course)but may not actually pull them up on it if tey genuinely look confused about it .

Id ceratinly pull them up on the 'SHE' isssue. 'Whos she? Shes the cats mother' is what my mum used to say to us. Off now to find out what that saying means

TwinSetAndPearls · 04/08/2005 12:52

I try not to but I can't help myself I just have a whiff of prim and proper about me that I can't shift.

AS a student i worked in a bookmakers and wouldn't give anyone their slip or winnings until they had said please and thankyou nicely!

Original poster
unicorn · 04/08/2005 12:52

taratula - exactly what my mum used to say...
not sure why it is so annoying/rude.. but it is!

I actually ignored the child this time (rather than do the cats mother business - that would bring blank stares and no doubt more 'sneering' from the said child)

OP posts:
tarantula · 04/08/2005 13:00

lol glad Im not the only one whos mother said that. My mums family have some very wierd sayings altogether. Havent managed to find out where it comes from though.

rummum · 04/08/2005 13:08

Funnily enough... Son aged 7's friends are really well mannered.... Daughter aged 9's friends are a nightmare... one girl banged her knife and fork on the table saying where's my tea... where's my tea... she then burped and didn't say pardon, she just smirked at me whilst my daughter was saying "don't tell her off mum"
Anyway the evening got worst and I told her she wasn't coming back again... ever...

sparklymieow · 04/08/2005 13:09

I correct Misdee's girls and she corrects mine......

elliott · 04/08/2005 13:12

I don't intervene unless they are doing something really unpleasant or unacceptable (hitting etc) - but then my oldest is only 3.8 so not really of an age when you can expect please and thank-you routinely, imo.
I DO try to praise when children have been lovely and well behaved, which is actually most of the time in my experience!

WigWamBam · 04/08/2005 13:14

I would have expected please and thank you from my dd when she was 3.8 - I've encouraged please and thank you from the time that she was able to say the words and expected it from well before she was 3. I expect it from her friends as well.

Gizmo · 04/08/2005 13:14

I do this, although at three years old it's still often more about basic safety with DS's friends, rather than social graces.

I actually think it's quite important for kids to get the message that these manners are not just made up by their parents alone, but are expected by society generally, although I would obviously draw the line at intervening when I didn't know the parents concerned.

If that makes me an interfering old bat, well, just call me Bruce Wayne!

Original poster
unicorn · 04/08/2005 13:17

I hate the 'I want...I want.. I want' with a vengence, and would be mortified if I heard my kids saying that at anyone elses house.

Also hate the way some parents immediately stop their 'adult' conversation - and direct all attention to junior (mid convo) because their dearest child has screamed at them 'I want juice'.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 04/08/2005 13:52

I'm too busy correcting my own children's manners but if I had any spare time after that and was particularly irked I dare say I could summon eough energy to correct someone else's child's manners for good measure.

Chuffed · 04/08/2005 13:56

Haven't had to deal with this yet but comments such as we expect manners in our house and maybe get your children to encourage their friends. I had one friend and her parents were the stricktest of everyones and she used to tell us what was expected so we could behave a certain way when there - we were a little older.
Good luck unicorn it makes it hard.
PS: we also got who's she the cats mother.

Hausfrau · 04/08/2005 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 04/08/2005 14:31

yes. i help run a youth club and the kids get sweet naff all without manners. i think if you do correct someone elses kid - its the mother who should feel ashamed not the kid. sometime sthey even have the grace to show it. sometimes.

tortoiseshell · 04/08/2005 14:50

I gently correct them, but as ds is only 4 it is easier. Dread to think what I'll do when he's older though. I would want ds to be pulled up at other people's houses, and not to get away with rudeness, so I actively assume that other parents are similar.

tortoiseshell · 04/08/2005 14:52

Just read the please/thank you at 3.8 - I expect it routinely from ds and dd - dd is 2 today and is brilliant at please and thank you, and knows she doesn't get anything without them. Ds likewise was using them routinely by age 2.

Original poster
unicorn · 04/08/2005 14:53

Re the interrupting adult conversation (bugbear!)well, I was talking to a pal recently, and her ds was doing the usual whiny 'mum, mum, mum..(getting louder with each one) she was ignoring him.. but, wait for this, her dp shouted to her (from the other room) xxxxx "your son wants you!"

and we wonder where the kids get it from?!

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 04/08/2005 14:54

Going back to please and thank you in 3.8yr old. ds2 is 2.8 and says thank you every single time, no exception,. He always has done.

Having said that, for some reason ds1 still starts a sentence with 'I want' and I've been correcting him now for MONTHS! He is 4.5. He knows exactly how to say it because as soon as I say 'pardon?' he says it properly. SO annoying!

No, I don't correct my friends kid but they are only little and on playdates and their parents are there usually to prompt them if need be. If their parents were not there I would.

mishmash · 04/08/2005 15:01

I have most certainly waited for other children to say please and thank you - and have corrected them if they have grabbed something without manners.

I do it with my own kids so why not with others. My children's good manners are frequently commented on.

Same if I call one of the children I won't accept a "Ya" answer - I expect them to say "Yes Mommy" and come into me if they are in another room.

That is the way I was brought up.

edam · 04/08/2005 15:02

On the children interrupting you while you are speaking to someone else, I think it's a bit rude of adults to ignore them. We pull them up when they ignore us, don't we? I'm not suggesting we encourage them to interrupt, but surely the polite thing to do is to acknowledge them and say 'wait a minute, I'm just talking to x'?
OTOH ds is only 2 so maybe it's just that I haven't discovered how irritating older children can be yet.

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 15:03

I personally don't think anyone should correct another person's child. I would not be happy.

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