Do you correct other peoples children over manners?

[unicorn]

I have this ongoing issue with one of my dds friends...
whenever she is in the back of my car, she talks about me as though I weren't there...
eg "what did SHE say..?"

Anyway there is something very irksome about this 6 year old...
I corrected her a while back when she asked for something without a please, or thankyou... and I guess she thinks I am a cow!

Anyhow just wondered - do you 'correct' other kids (even though their parents may have different standards vis a vis manners?)

actually BK I'm not stirring, I'm trying to have a discussion but go home if you want .. I think that was an uncalled for comment

the 'that's my kid don't you dare talk to them' mentality is an extension of the don't correct my child's manners argument surely?

now that is an uncalled for comment, imo. bye!

Not in my book Twiglett.

Listen my kids are very boisterous...2 boys under 5 (and a girl 1 going the same way). The incident which sticks in my mind stopped me going to toddler groups for 6 months until I believed in my parenting again.....okay there were other problems with my confidence probably.
I don't mind pple checking my kids for minor things esp if done in the right, lighthearted way. There is always a scale of these things.....but as a result of my exp, I would very rarely check someone elses kid.

bollocks

I don't think thats what I'm saying makealist.

But we're talking about manners, aren't we - not disciplining other people's kids? I think there's a big difference in expecting a "please" or a "thank you" and getting into a two-year-old's face to try and tell him off.

sorry that was to bossykate

Very eloquent

exactly WWB

WWB - yes I know but I think that incident has actually affected me more than I really realised. I always felt bad for not protecting ds more (he was so upset) and that's why I am funny about people saying things to my kids!

agree with Twiglett (again). If this is all about manners and stuff, then asking another child politely to say please, thank you etc is perfectly acceptable IMO. Shouting at a child and poking your finger in their face is not acceptable - but then, that's not good manners is it?

Twinsetandpearls- why on earth did you ask a child who can't say sorry (because of speech problems) to say sorry?

I hate strangers butting in with ds1 because he's completely non-verbal so I either have to go into the ins and outs of a ducks arse about autism (usually with hin kicking off because we've stopped). Or I have to ignore them and walk away - maybe shouting - he can't talk - over my shoulder, which makes me look rude when all we've been doing is minding our own business.

Friends leave ds1 up to me, I don't have any problem with them reminding ds2 (or ds3 in future) to say please- but like anything depends how it's done.

Message withdrawn

I agree with Twiglett. Parenting should be a community thing and I have no problems with someone reminding my child about manners and vice versa.

niceglasses has a point, the mum that I upset had little confidence in her own parenting and I unwittingly made matters worse. She didn't come out with dd again for weeks, an over reaction in my view - but that was how she felt.

I still think generally that if a child asks you for something there is no harm in waiting or asking for a please or thankyou. This doesn't mean undermining parents or jumping in to make them look stupid. And of course it needs to be done with sensitivity.

but twinsetandpearls -WHY did you ask her to say sorry if she couldn't?

Actually, this is an interesting one, worth not spoiling with a row probably.

I think as well it depends how well you know the other parent. I think I was very upset that time because she was a total stranger...good friends I don't mind so much. Husbands of good friends who I hardly see......not sure. I have one good friend whose husband really jumps on my wee boy and he hardly knows him...winds me up.

I didn't know she had a speech problem - she doen't -- more that she refused to talk on occasions - it was a temporary thing in relation to things that were going on at home. Too complicated to go into here.

There were times (pre-diagnosis when ds1 was about 2) when that would have kept me in for weeks- not because of anything to do with my parenting but because I didn't want to be constantly reminded that something (wasn't entirely sure what, but suspicions were correct) was up- and someone trying to extract a sorry out of him would have finished me off.

I had seen this child talk before, I had spoken to her before. The incident happened in a very relaxed setting in which mums do help each other out, wait for please and thank you, ask for a sorry when appropriate.

I am not saying I don't regret the incident because I do, but I would never ask a child who coudn't talk to say sorry!

It is also hard to sit there and watch a child repeatedly wacking your own child's head into a safety gate and say nothing.

I wouldn't do it to a total stranger, although I personally woudn't be bothered if a stranger asked dd to say please or thank-you.

TwinSetAndPearls on Thursday, 4 August, 2005 6:00:47 PM

It depends on how well you know the child and the parents. Most of my friends would have no problem with me asking their child to say please or thankyou, and I would feel the same way regarding my dd.

I like to think that raising a child is down to the commuity in which they live, rather than parents in isolation. Therefore I see it as supportive of me that others would encourage my dd to use her manners.

I have upset someone once when their dd wacked my dd around the head and I asked them to say sorry. The mother was very offended and took it perosally as she was reallys truggling with her dd and felt that evryone was criticising both of them and I was the last staw. Her dd also had speech problems so actually couldn't say sorry.

AS with all things child related there are no hard and fast rules.

VERY CONFUSED AS YOUS AY HERE SHE DID HAVE A SPEECH PROBLEM AND COULDN'T ACTUALLY SAY SORRY?????????????????????????????????????????

It is complicated.

I was trying to not go into details, the mother percieved the child as having a speech problem but the child didnt. The problem was emotional rather than a physical or medical problem. The child had witnessed some violence at home ( probably explained why she was wacking my child against a safety gate) and this had made her become very withdrawn and she rarely spoke. The child did and could speak, especially when her mother was not present.

At the time none of us knew about the violence at home as the mother had not told anyone.

maybe twinset didn't know that the girl couldn't talk and only found out afterwards? that would be a more plausible explanation than she demanded apologies that couldn't be produced.
I expect good manners from my d's friends.Certainly pleases and thank you's . there is a little group of about 4 boys who play together and all the mums are friendly,a nd i would have no hesitation in asking for a please or thank you.
for eg, i was helping out at one of the boys birthdays the other day and one of the kids came over to me and just said in a demanding way " juice" .These kids are 5 and yes he was excited but he knows better. I just put a shocked expression on my face and said " excuse me, mr manners?" he laughed and said ' sorry, can i have some juice please" i said certainly- message put across with no hurt feelings.

Don't think anyone could be offended at that alexsmum (even moi!!)