Do you correct other peoples children over manners?

[unicorn]

I have this ongoing issue with one of my dds friends...
whenever she is in the back of my car, she talks about me as though I weren't there...
eg "what did SHE say..?"

Anyway there is something very irksome about this 6 year old...
I corrected her a while back when she asked for something without a please, or thankyou... and I guess she thinks I am a cow!

Anyhow just wondered - do you 'correct' other kids (even though their parents may have different standards vis a vis manners?)

teaching even!

Unicorn - I do regard manners as very important. However I will worry about teaching my own children good manners and not worry about others.

Nightynight, is that asked in a different language? I know that, for instance, in Japanese, there are polite forms of language that are used and far more familiar forms (much like using tu and vous in French). But in this country to say "Give me some orange juice", no matter how polite your tone of voice, it's still considered quite rude.

But BH, you cannot shield your children from other children.

Kids do like to be the same as their friends, so all your effort, re manners may go out the window when they befriend a pal who couldn't care less.

IYSWIM.

my children are very polite thank you, they dont need poncy frilly bits of speech to make them polite

please, no dire predictions of how unpopular my children will be...dd1 is eight and the sky hasnt fallen in yet.

hunker, "give me juice" is a direct translation from the other language. In English, they'd probably say "Can I have some juice"

i say sod it to manners, cos the world's big and bad and i don't want my little ones to be bullied. there's a limit to how polite u want them to be. they've got to stick up for themselves as soon as they can talk. cos when u're not there they only got themselves. i left home at 17 and been independent all my life (now 35), hasn't done me any harm having an altercation with a crappy taxi driver once in a while!!

I'm all in favour of the community-parenting approach.

I also think it's important that ADULTS BACK UP OTHER ADULTS and don't criticise them for telling off their kids - I think that the 'us and them' (adults and children) separation is important. How can children know WHICH adults to show respect to if we are berating other adults for disciplining our children? The children will think 'Well I don't have to obey therefore I don't have to obey

People have gone off on slight tangents about how they mind when other adults jump in to prompt before they have the opportunity to remind their own child of their manners. I'd mind this too.

Also, other adults being threatening and telling children off while you're there - again, I'd mind this too.

DS is only 16mo, but often says please when he wants things ("pliz" - plus pointing ). I'm not at the stage where I ask him to say please, but I always say please, thank you and sorry to him and I think it's nice when other people do the same. When he's older, I will expect manners. If I'm not there, I hope he will demonstrate these manners unbidden, but if he doesn't, I have no problem with another adult prompting him to say please or thank you.

Manners are not wholly altruistic - they smooth your path in life, they're not just a reward for the person who is being thanked, etc. They make society look more favourably upon you - as do smiles and general good behaviour.

And I agree with Twiglett about community parenting I think the you and yours, me and mine mindset is sad, personally. Having said that, I would never comment on another person's parenting choice or mind enough to ask whether a child was wearing suncream, etc. Too much aggression likely to be unleashed in my direction - not up for that! (Unless the child was in clear and imminent danger...obviously!)

Polly2, there are ways of making your presence well and truly felt, very politely.

For instance, shouting "fuck off, you fucking rapist" to somebody who is hassling you on the tube will get you looks of disdain. Shouting "You're really bothering me, please leave me alone!" is far more likely to get other people to defend you.

I have had superb results from complaining very politely...free meals, free nights in hotels, etc, etc. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar

I know that the manners instilled in my children are there. No other child is going to make them act any different

I know that the manners instilled in my children are there. No other child is going to make them act any different

Wait till they hit secondary school!

Hunkermunker: I recently found myself saying in a restaurant "I'm terribly sorry but this isn't actually cooked properly..."

Result: free meal and drinks!

morningpaper
my parents also believed that children should grow up respecting all adults and doing as they are told. my mother is just a control freak who expected her children to be obedient all her life. She never cared about OUR lives.

I really think you have to draw some distinctions. For example, I dont want my children to have the same respect for some ghastly adult who behaves like scum, as they would for their teacher, who is a nice, well-mannered person who they can look up to. It is more important to teach them to judge what is worthy of respect and what is not.

polly- your children will achieve far more respect if they act with manners.

Teaching a child to say please and thank you won't make them grow up respecting those unworthy of respect!

I was taught to say please and thank you (came v naturally as I was a darling child ) and don't respect utter shites, never have!

Nightynight: "It is more important to teach them to judge what is worthy of respect and what is not."

More important than what? Than teaching them manners?!

I'm sure that judging who is worthy of respect is very important, but I still find this difficult in my thirties - I don't think I'm likely to teach my toddler this sort of life-skill....!

NN, are they only to be well-mannered to people they consider worthy of respect then?

How do you teach them that? I teach ds to be respectful to everyone and warn him about dangerous people. I certainly dont teach him not to show respect to anyone.

"bollocks"

lurvely manners, twig.

sorry BK you're quite right

please.. .bollocks .. thank you

aren't you afraid if you come on too strong your own parenting and your own children's behaviour will come under severe scrutiny? the woman who jumped on my ds for not saying thank you within a millisecond - her ds whacked me hard with a toy sword when i was carrying 10wk old dd, and subsequently went on to try and gouge out ds's eyes at the soft play area. i thought "and you have the nerve to get all over my child for not saying thank you fast enough???"

hunker - weve got two separate points crossed here!

I dont think my children need to respect adults who arent worthy of respect, and you CAN teach them this at an early age. Weve always talked openly about people we see, if we dont approve of what they are doing, and why etc.

Its nothing to do with saying please and thank you though!

I wouldnt expect my children to obey another adult who told them to do something that dx or I wouldnt tell them to do, just for the sake of "adults hanging together". they wouldnt have to be rude about it though. Rudeness is not just an absence of the P-word!