Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Do you correct other peoples children over manners?

219 replies

unicorn · 04/08/2005 12:26

I have this ongoing issue with one of my dds friends...
whenever she is in the back of my car, she talks about me as though I weren't there...
eg "what did SHE say..?"

Anyway there is something very irksome about this 6 year old...
I corrected her a while back when she asked for something without a please, or thankyou... and I guess she thinks I am a cow!

Anyhow just wondered - do you 'correct' other kids (even though their parents may have different standards vis a vis manners?)

OP posts:
Original poster
unicorn · 04/08/2005 15:04

oh, I'm sure you will edam!

OP posts:
Twiglett · 04/08/2005 15:07

really blossomhill? I find that attitude amazing tbh

they are children, every moment is a potential to learn I find it strange that any parent would object to their child being made to say please, thank you, excuse me or bless you or any other sign of manners

manners maketh the man (and woman) after all

Twiglett · 04/08/2005 15:09

see this .. this is me laughing at you edam .. you wait till your 2 year old is going mummy, mummy,mummy, mummy as soon as you start any conversation .. ahh the joy of 'excuse me mummy'

(I actually have taught mine to say 'thank you mummy darling, bestest mummy in the whole wide world .. snurk)

WigWamBam · 04/08/2005 15:09

So you wouldn't expect a "please" or "thank you" from your children's friends? It's not too much to ask for, and if it's not forthcoming I see no reason not to prompt it.

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 15:09

If I was there then yes I would (if I wasn't and they were being looked after then no). Obviously I would do it and if need be.
I certainly wouldn't tell another child as it's none of my business.
May sound awful but as long as my own children are okay and have manners I am not too bothered about what others are doing (come on shoot me down )

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 15:10

wigwambam - don't think i have ever been a position to have to prompt anyway

alison222 · 04/08/2005 15:10

I found myself using the cats mother thing to DS lately. He is 4.5 and I got very blank looks and a demand that I explained what it meant.
i do correct toher children - for please and thank you, and making them ask to get down from the table etc. I think if you do it gently and say "in this house we do such and such" they accept it. After all they all learn very quicky there are different rules in different settings.

WigWamBam · 04/08/2005 15:11

My concern with that, bh, is that my dd would see that her friends don't aren't expected to use their manners, and would begin to expect that she shouldn't have to either.

alison222 · 04/08/2005 15:11

quickly even

bossykate · 04/08/2005 15:11

i agree with you, edam! i think it is rude to ignore them. what i say is "excuse me , , please wait til mummy has finished speaking to ". or at least i do if i am calm and serene enough at the time...

bossykate · 04/08/2005 15:12

agree with bh to an extent - if the parents are around i expect them to pull their children up. one of my bugbears is other people correcting my kids before i have had a chance to draw breath to do it myself. totally different if parents don't bother/are not around.

alison222 · 04/08/2005 15:13

Agree with WWB I want to be consistant about the manners I expect from my children and so the others should be encouraged to too

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 15:13

Wigwambam - that's how I feel. Not saying it's right or wrong but I don't think it's my responsibility to ensure my friends children have manners. My children have excellent manners and know to say please and thank you.

Original poster
unicorn · 04/08/2005 15:13

and if the child continues interupting (as they often do) do you continue to interrupt your conversation too?

OP posts:
Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 15:14

Yes that's what I was trying to say BK. Nothing worse than seeing someone correct your child when you was on the verge of doing it anyway!
I only have nice, polite children around me anyway

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 15:15

Unicorn - don't get what you mean?

alison222 · 04/08/2005 15:15

I also frequently have DS jumping up and down at my side going excuse me mummy, excuse me mummy EXCUSE ME MUMMY etc etc when I have asked him just to let me finish what I'm saying to someone else. At least its polite but hasn't quite solved the problem of interrupting. Hopefully that will come with time

bossykate · 04/08/2005 15:15

hmm... depends on the age. ds is now 4 so no i wouldn't keep interrupting the conversation for him. but i'd say e.g. an 18m old might need more sustained "encouragement" not to interrupt...

Original poster
unicorn · 04/08/2005 15:17

bh- that was to bk..
agree age is important...
this lad is nearly 4, and often does this , and seems to 'rule the roost' with his parents IYKWIM!

OP posts:
bossykate · 04/08/2005 15:19

teehee, alison222, yes that is what ds does at least he has "got" the excuse me part!

batters · 04/08/2005 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 04/08/2005 15:28

I find the older they get the more they sometimes 'forget' .. so its very easy for a 2 or 3 year old to say please, thank you and everything else but once they get to 4 + they start to think 'why should I?' which is where the immediate reinforcement from every adult (yes even if parent is there IMHO) is vital to ensuring they appreciate that manners are important

Tortington · 04/08/2005 15:30

i pull other children becuase i think i deserve to have basic respect from everyone - rather than generously looking upon it as a learning experience for them or not seeing it as my place to correct them. it hink i should be afforded the same common decency from everyone.

tarantula · 04/08/2005 16:04

I think the point that Custardo makes is a good one. Its not jsut about children spouting these things parrot fachion Its about them learnig respect for other people.

An example in out house woud be
child 'Do you have OJ?'
Me 'Yes'
child 'Can I have some?'
My responce is either a silent prompt for an older child or something like Pardon or even what was that I heard at the end there?. For a younger child Id use something along the lines of was that jsut a normal please or was it a pretty please with sugar on top?

Generally works well and its not actually jumping on the child or telling them off Its a gentle reminder of manners. Im afraid I do the same with adults too

Chuffed · 04/08/2005 16:31

tarantula that is probably the way I'm heading for as well.