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Original poster

Do you correct other peoples children over manners?

219 replies

unicorn · 04/08/2005 12:26

I have this ongoing issue with one of my dds friends...
whenever she is in the back of my car, she talks about me as though I weren't there...
eg "what did SHE say..?"

Anyway there is something very irksome about this 6 year old...
I corrected her a while back when she asked for something without a please, or thankyou... and I guess she thinks I am a cow!

Anyhow just wondered - do you 'correct' other kids (even though their parents may have different standards vis a vis manners?)

OP posts:
eefs · 04/08/2005 17:04

"I don't think it's my responsibility to ensure my friends children have manners."
Not a big fan of this attitude - I think reinforcing manners in children helps children have/show respect for adults, not just for their parents. By extension it leads on to bigger things - i.e. respect for authority, the lack of which can (and does) cause society big problems.

I correct my friends children, albeit mildly but firmly. They correct mine too, even in my presence (I may not notice DS's being rude).

Lacrimosa · 04/08/2005 17:05

only if my kids are around

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 17:06

Eefs - I am not asking you to be a fan. Why does everyone have to think the way you do?

Tommy · 04/08/2005 17:28

I definitely do! Fortunatly my DSs are still of the age where I know all their friends' parents and kow that they enforce good manners as well but I can't imagine ever allowing a visitor to get away with what my DSs are not allowed to get away with! Please, thank you etc.
I was a teacher though so I'm well used to corrcting other people's children

niceglasses · 04/08/2005 17:46

I'm with Blossom - nothing more annoying when you are there and somebody else corrects your kids. Most of my friends think the same way, so I'm not totally weird. If I'm not there, 'fair 'nuff.

Twiglett · 04/08/2005 17:49

no there is something more annoying than that IMHO

that's parents allowing their children to be rude / ill-mannered to other people

niceglasses · 04/08/2005 17:50

The thing is Twiglett, I don't - I#m able to correct them myself.

Twiglett · 04/08/2005 17:52

wasn't talking about you personally niceglasses

but .. if the other parent is there .. and you still have time to reinforce their child's manners before they say anything then there's something going wrong somewhere isn't there?

That's why I find it difficult to understand the 'no other parent should correct my child when I'm there' mentality

(not meaning to be offensive at all .. is an interesting discussion point)

makealist · 04/08/2005 17:56

My ds2 recently had 5 friends over for play/tea. I had already noticed that manners had been lacking during the afternoon.
When I gave them all an ice-cream cone only 2 of the children thanked me My son and his "bestest" friend. So I made a point of saying "well out of 6 children, only 2 of you were polite enough to say thank you" Ds2 and friend positivly glowed with pride and the other 4 at least had the shame to be embarrased.
What shocked me was they all came from what you might call "good" families.
Anyway I told Ds2 it would be a long time before most of them were invited back again.

niceglasses · 04/08/2005 17:58

Faced with the prospect of choccy cake or packet of icky sweets my 4yr old and 2yr old quickly forget about P&Thank You. The odd time they do remember, often they don't. I'd rather remind them myself, although to be honest it wouldn't upset me if someone got in before me.

I'm acutually thinking of some other mothers I have come across at toddler groups etc who can't wait to get in there....as a general rule I don't check other kids unless there is a safety issue, just don't see it as my place.

TwinSetAndPearls · 04/08/2005 18:00

It depends on how well you know the child and the parents. Most of my friends would have no problem with me asking their child to say please or thankyou, and I would feel the same way regarding my dd.

I like to think that raising a child is down to the commuity in which they live, rather than parents in isolation. Therefore I see it as supportive of me that others would encourage my dd to use her manners.

I have upset someone once when their dd wacked my dd around the head and I asked them to say sorry. The mother was very offended and took it perosally as she was reallys truggling with her dd and felt that evryone was criticising both of them and I was the last staw. Her dd also had speech problems so actually couldn't say sorry.

AS with all things child related there are no hard and fast rules.

bossykate · 04/08/2005 18:01

but twiglett someone did this to my ds once, i had my mouth open (literally) to prompt him but she didn't give me the chance - v. annoying. obviously if the other parent doesn't do/say anything fair enough. but i don't want other people jumping all over my kids when i'm there, while i am actually drawing the breath to utter the words myself!

imo, that's not really about manners, it's bossy and overbearing.

bossykate · 04/08/2005 18:02

yes, niceglasses, couldn't wait to get in there - exactly.

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 18:03

Niceglasses - thank you for agreeing with me. Nothing worse than someone undermining your parenting. I would always correct my children if they were rude, didn't say thank you etc. Fortunately my children are polite and even if anotehr child wasn't it would affect them as they know how to behave. T

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 18:04

Exactly. The term mind your business somes to mind. i mean we have all seen the threads about babies without hats on, pg woman smoking etc. etc. Just who thinks it is there place to put people right? i don't get it at all

Twiglett · 04/08/2005 18:04

this is going to get interesting (I hope)

I belive that we are all responsible for the next generation

I believe in community parenting

I hate the 'that's my kid, don't you dare talk to them' mentality

bossykate · 04/08/2005 18:05

I hate the 'that's my kid, don't you dare talk to them' mentality

who is advocating that?

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 18:06

Twiglett - my attitude is I worry about my children and you worry about yours. Why spend so much time worrying about children that are not yours?

niceglasses · 04/08/2005 18:07

I'd like to think I'm far away from the "thats my kid don't talk to him" actually, but I'm a fully paid up member of the "thats my kid, don't jump in when I'm 2ft lay into him".

Twiglett · 04/08/2005 18:09

the 'that's my kid don't you dare talk to them' mentality is an extension of the don't correct my child's manners argument surely?

niceglasses · 04/08/2005 18:09

erm......."and lay into him" that should be. 1 glass of wine down, boring boring day in the house with 3 under 5.......

bossykate · 04/08/2005 18:10

oh now you are just stirring. leaving you to it, i'm off home now.

Blossomhill · 04/08/2005 18:10

yes nice glasses, well said.

I can remember being at a mother and toddler group and I was feeding dd (who was a baby at the time) and ds was running around (he was 2) and rammed his truck into a door. Now ds is not a horrible little boy (he's nearly 8 now) but before I could even get up and say don't do that as I was busy with dd this old hag got up and stuck her finger in his face and was shouting at him that he was a naughty boy. I handed baby over to a friend grabbed her hand and told her to get her finger out of my ds's face and how dare she do that. What on earth gave her the right. he had never done anything like that and he did only wheel the truck. I am still boiling about it just thinking about it.

makealist · 04/08/2005 18:11

Asking a child to say please or thank you is hardly laying into them fgs

oops · 04/08/2005 18:11

Message withdrawn