Was this woman a SELFISH person for doing this?

[KayHarkerIsPlayingWithMitchell]

I read today.

I have to ask, (aside from the religious element, which I know you won't all share) is she right that her first response was bad?

WWYD? Would it involve rubbing feet?

Well, it varies. Some people think that, because children are a blessing, ethical fertility treatment is fine, others don't. It wasn't an issue for me because I appear to be as fertile as a rabbit.

It's always going to be a less-then-clear-cut issue given that the bible doesn't actually say it's wrong to decide to actively choose the size of your family. Setting up people's opinions as 'God's Word' is always a dodgy thing.

The dresses thing - well, yeah, they're odd, but if some people are genuinely happy in them, I'm ok with that. I ended up loathing them, because of what they represented to me, but that may well not be the case for the many other women who choose to dress that way.

I think everyone's covered much of what I'd have said - except that couldn't the husband's initial listening, and putting aside of his day, etc, count as his contribution to being humble before God, etc - is she the only one who has to be humble? Surely it's in the balance and sharing of kindnesses that a true relationship is founded.

Kay, every time I read you talking about this stuff, and the "journey" (for desperate want of a better word) you're on, it makes me think that your children will gain so much from this, hard as it is for you - this lesson in self-examination and true thoughtfulness is and will be an amazing example for them. You make me think often enough...

Kay, I am amazed by your journey as well: that what you have experienced hasn't either sent you nuts or turned you into one of those mythical atheists who wants to burn down eveyr church they see. I really do hope to see you progress to a place you are happy in. Looking at those matching dressed made me feel a bit queasy though (my immediate thoughts were of those patriarchal cults where the men like their wives and daughters to dress the same because they are raping all their daughters anyway...).

Dude, you guys were a quiverful family...

Backs away slowly so as not to alarm the fundamentalists

I do think this whole quiverful thing is very weird, and not really justified by Scripture (and I say this as a fairly fundy 'fundamentalist' who has good friends who have gone down this track).

My observation is that this sort of thinking ends up taking its proponents away from the Christian gospel of grace to a situation where you have to be following a whole set of man-made rules or you are not really acceptable to God - and you end up with an attitude to others that they are second-class Christians if they don't home-school/have lots of children/wear flowery dresses yada yada yada.

"my immediate thoughts were of those patriarchal cults where the men like their wives and daughters to dress the same because they are raping all their daughters anyway..."

That's pretty much what I was thinking with the dresses sgb, but didn't like to say....

that suggestion has probably put this thread into the 'Will not be showing to Dh' folder...

pp, your observation is spot on about the rules and the spiritual pride thing.

In other news, and tangentally related to this, Dh and I had a really long chat over the weekend in which he said he'd been thinking about me writing sex scenes, etc. and said that he realized he was being a bit of a hypocrite to object given that he watched dramas on the telly that had scenes like that in, as part of the story that was being told, so he was OK with me pursuing it.

Which I know probably doesn't seem particularly big in the scheme of things, but it's actually really quite a big admission for him to change his mind.

I actually think that is a really big thing for both of you - I don't want to sound patronising but it shows that he is capable and willing to change for you.

Does your husband know that you're bisexual? None of my business I know but, how is he about that?

You're writing sex scenes? What am I missing?

OhBling, oh golly, yes, I started a thread in AIBU about it a few weeks ago.

georgimama, yes he knows. He's fine with it, tbh - I'm comfortable with monogamy, so it's not really a threat to him, and he understands that. In fact, he's said before now that he respects me marrying him even more because of the fact that I limited an even bigger field of possibilities, half of which he'd probably fancy too, down to him.

Message withdrawn

It's from psalm 127

I really do think you and your DH can sort it out together Kay - partly because it was more your idea than his in the beginning (so he didn't grow up believing that his cock is a sacred symbol of his importance and no mere woman is anything more than a servant etc) and also he's not dumb, because no matter how whacked out a religious cult you joined, you are not dumb and would not have wanted to marry a moron.

What SGB said (don't think I've ever said that before ). And what PP said.