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Was this woman a SELFISH person for doing this?

164 replies

KayHarkerIsPlayingWithMitchell · 02/04/2009 11:06

I read today.

I have to ask, (aside from the religious element, which I know you won't all share) is she right that her first response was bad?

WWYD? Would it involve rubbing feet?

OP posts:
KayHarkerIsPlayingWithMitchell · 02/04/2009 19:17

Just in before getting to eat ma dinner - can we not call them biblebashers - I vastly prefer scripture-twisters, because actually, when I study the bible when my mental space isn't consumed with self-loathing, and without the dubious 'guidance' of these people, it isn't nearly the clear-cut tool of subjugation they say it is.

I mean, yeah, we can talk about shellfish and mixed fibres, and as a bi female who is quite happy with that particular bit of me (isn't that ironic?) believe me, I'm fully up to speed on that. The answer you'll get from the twisty people is that is Old Testament anyway, so it doesn't get anyone further on.

Dh isn't any more domineering than any other man who, like SGB says, has been allowed to have it all his own way and is a bit reluctant to change that. But I've not been like the woman in the OP for months and months, and he's coping.

FAQ, tbh, I wouldn't touch Ellel with a bargepole - they tried to exorcise me of the demons of homosexuality and judaism when I was in my early twenties, kind of put me off... HSAT, counselling at some point might be a good idea, though. Don't think we're there yet.

OP posts:
solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 03/04/2009 11:48

We can just call them 'wankers' if you like Kay

MrsMerryHenry · 03/04/2009 13:58

Solidgold, I was laughing so hard at that link I almost choked on my lunch!

Kay, hang in there. I totally understand the three steps forward, two steps back thing, and just remind yourself every now and then that even though you inch back from time to time you're mostly progressing on your journey - that one forward step makes a huge difference!

Ditto what serenity said - if you're near London I'd be glad to meet up (bearing much chocolate). I'm also moving to Sussex soon so if you're anywhere near there let me know.

Hugsxxx

KayHarkerIsPlayingWithMitchell · 03/04/2009 14:39

wankers works for me, SGB

MrsMH, yer lovely. If I ever get the chance to move further south again, I shall do it in a heartbeat.

OP posts:
glasjam · 03/04/2009 22:43

Well, I think she WAS being selfish - a FOOT RUB FGS??!! She should have got down on her knees and...

Sorry am reading Christopher Hitchens at the moment and the phrase "religion poisons everything" is very much on my mind.

MrsMerryHenry · 03/04/2009 23:18

Glasjam, bearing in mind that many thoughtful and helpful comments have come from people who practise a faith, I think we've established on this thread that it's not religion per se that's the problem. It's people who (as SGB said) feel inadequate and are too emotionally inept to deal with it thoughtfully and maturely. You'll find those people in all walks of life, both religious and secular, and their impact is just as 'poisonous' wherever they may be.

MrsMerryHenry · 03/04/2009 23:20

that should be: 'many thoughtful and helpful comments on this thread...'

Kay: whenever your heartbeat sends you down here I'll throw a bottle of wine into the mix. I also think we should invite Solidgold along to make us piss ourselves laughing (as we mothers know, that's a realistic possibility).

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 03/04/2009 23:39

BYO incontinence pads, I take it...

glasjam · 04/04/2009 15:13

Now my catholic guilt reflex is kicking in - am truly sorry if my comment caused any offence Xmas Blush

glasjam · 04/04/2009 15:14

oops

seeker · 04/04/2009 15:38

If I WERE inclined to have any sympathy for the point of view in the article, a glance at the advertisement next to it for "modest dresses for women and girls" would have knocked it on the head and got my blood suitably boiling.......!

Quattrocento · 04/04/2009 15:43

Quite extraordinary

I think the whole offloading thing was a bit self-indulgent tbh - how bad a day was it? Bit painful to come home to.

But the whole footrubbing thing was self indulgent in a different way. "Look at me, look how diligently I am serving you".

Utterly demented

MrsMerryHenry · 05/04/2009 21:04

Ha! Seeker, you think that website was bad? Take a look at these swimsuits...

KayHarker · 05/04/2009 22:09

I have one of those...

MrsMerryBunnyGirlHenry · 05/04/2009 22:17

You're kidding, right?

KayHarker · 05/04/2009 22:20

Nope... sadly not. I've got lots of these too.

MrsMerryBunnyGirlHenry · 05/04/2009 22:23

Oh, Kay! Are you happy to wear them, or is this part of your frustration at the 'you' you're being?

KayHarker · 05/04/2009 22:37

They're still in the cupboard, but I haven't worn them for ages. A lot of them were 'nursing' dresses with zips, so completely pointless now, but kept because of the whole 'quiverful' thing (which, ha ha, is not where we are now, thanks to Dh doing the honourable thing).

I live in jeans mostly now, which Dh has learned to appreciate because I have a damn fine figure

I tell you, I was a totally, totally different person. It scares me now, it really does.

MrsMerryBunnyGirlHenry · 05/04/2009 22:39

Phew!

What do you mean by 'quiverful'? And how are things on the whole - probably not much different from when we last chatted?

beanieb · 05/04/2009 22:44

Well, if you take the religious element out of it which is clearly all nuts, he sounds ok, she sounds OK.

He came and took her out to lunch, he listened to her woes. She considered how difficult a day he may have had too and chose to make some food for them to enjoy. There's nothing there to say he doesn't do the same, or that he didn't offer her sympathy and love.

Neither of them sound like wankers to me. They sound nice.

KayHarker · 05/04/2009 22:45

Quiverful = the teaching that you hand over your fertility entirely to God, which essentially means no contraception (but can also mean no fertility treatment). It's styled very much as a 100% positive attitude to children, which is a nice idea that often means that people are less than honest about their struggles, ime. It left me literally physically disabled, which wasn't so good for the children I did manage to give birth alive to.

I'm ok. Coping quite well actually. This evening, at least!

MrsMerryBunnyGirlHenry · 05/04/2009 23:06

Oh no, it sounds like you've had an awful time with pregnancy and births. I'm reading between the lines that you've had a lot of babies? What happened to you? Please, by the way, feel free to stay oblique about it if you'd rather, I don't want you to feel obliged to disclose your entire private life on MN!

Well done with coping; never forget that you're progressing, no matter how slow it may feel.

KayHarker · 06/04/2009 10:16

Well, the amount of living children is on my profile, which should be working with this screenname. I have had a few children that didn't make it to birth, too. I couldn't walk for a long time, largely because I was pregnant almost non-stop for about seven years. This was an acceptable sacrifice according to some of my friends who follow this teaching, and they are quite firm that I am in disobedience for thinking that being able to walk and care for my living children is more important than crippling myself to have 'as many as the Lord sends'.

As they say, ideas have consequences.

If I sound a bit bitter about that one, it's because I am.

OhBling · 06/04/2009 12:05

We think that for religious reasons or not, a woman being stoned to death is wrong. A woman forced to have multiple children for religious reasons is, in my opinion, equally wrong.

This makes me very on your behalf.

georgimama · 06/04/2009 13:46

So does that mean that if you have fertility problems you're supposed to just tolerate it, because God doesn't want you to have children? What bollocks.

Also, how sinister is the mother/daughter dressing identically website? Talk about fashion from Waco..... mass suicide anyone?