So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

SNORT 🤣🤣
This is clearly a regular feature if your username is anything to go by!

I was arranging some training in my last workplace. The guy asked if I could arrange a screen for him to use with his laptop for the presentation. Airily I replied, "no, when we do it in [organisation], we just do it up against the wall"!!!!

One of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Can picture it.

"Love you, good night"......shouted out the car window after dropping my teen son at school.

I came late out of college once, jumped into the passenger seat of my mums car, started belting myself a in while saying “we need to get home I really need a poo” to look up and find, in fact, it was not my mums car

This isn't really quite the same thing, but I was so embarrassed and very upset.
Deep in lockdown, my husband was picking me up from hospital where I'd been keeping my friend company, sitting with her, while she had chemo.

Went outside to wait, and my husband's car pulled up, driver with grey hair and glasses in my peripheral vision, all familiar - hopped in and suddenly this stranger shouted "GET OUT! GET OUT!
GET OUT YOU STUPID WOMAN! ARE YOU FUCKING MAD?"

It wasn't my husband but the same model car and a lookalike driver.
And we were in deepest covid lockdown and he was collecting someone from the chemo unit, so might very well have overreacted. Of course I jumped out in shock and embarrassment. Husband was only a couple of minutes behind him.
It was a minor thing on the face of it, but I sobbed all night from shame, shock, my own perceived stupidity, and later, anger that he'd bellowed at me so aggressively. I can remember him baring his teeth. Was awful.

I just made a mistake. I mean, I was coming out of the chemo ward too.
I can't imagine being so aggressive towards someone who has made a genuine mistake.

Anyway. It's off my chest now. At last.

We were on holiday and DH was trying to get our soon to come out of the pool.

He shouted 'Andy, time to come out!'

Our son isn't called Andy. Or anything like it.

YES !!!

I've done this so many times but used inappropriate words instead of the proper phonetic ones.

I once said M for Mugabe as in 'Robert' when claiming on my insurance !!!

Oh god I do that Every. Single. Time. I mean I know somewhere in the dark recesses of my brain the right ones. I grew up watching Juliet Bravo for gos sake.

Yesterday describing a post code... B for... confidently... banana. D for... long pause this time... donkey.

The person on the phone repeated back without missing a beat so B for.. bravo, D for delta.

F for fuck

my mind goes very blank at the phonetic alphabet,
w for wanker
f for fuck of course!
etc, i should learn it!

I also have two stories featuring my beloved late granny.

For a bit of context, my granny was quite prim and proper about certain things. We couldn't blaspheme in front of her, never mind swear. She hated adverts on TV for toilet roll and sanitary products and on more than one occasion I read a book when I was staying at her house in which she had scored out swear words and blasphemy with a pen.

So my uncle took his fairly new girlfriend to meet her one day. They were just making small talk and the girlfriend decided to speak about something she had seen in the news and said "did you see that Michael Jackson has had another blow job?" My parents were there and my mum told me afterwards that the girlfriend was so embarrassed, everyone was trying to stifle laughter, and then later on my granny took my mum aside and said "I think she made a mistake, and meant to say nose job rather than blow job" which just made it even funnier when my mum told me about it all.

And then many years later, it was sadly the day of my granny's funeral, she was in her 90s and had had a good life, she'd had 4 children, many grandchildren, quite a few great-grandchildren and one great-great-grandchild in her life. We needed 8 people to lower her coffin into the grave, so her four children and the eldest child of each of them were chosen for this. This included me. The eight of us were right at the graveside, everyone else surrounding us and watching us while the minister read some Bible verses out. Thankfully we weren't lowering her coffin yet because when the minister talked about "Lazarus' erection" rather than resurrection I had to hug myself into my cousin and pretend I was crying rather than laughing my head off at his mistake.

I dont often laugh out loud at things on here but this made me chuckle

I used to work in health and had to assess referrals. A lady I was assessing explained she had pain in her knees and hips. My brain somehow managed to combine the two words, and when repeating this back to her I said 'so you have pain in your nips'. Your nips!! lol I wanted to die.. OMG I'm so sorry I meant knees and hips....luckily she saw the funny side🤣

One Christmas I regifted a present from my mother to my boss, and she put it on display in the reception area at work. One day my mum was going to come into my work for some reason so I quickly texted her “I regifted (item) that you gave me to boss so please don't say anything to her if you see her today”.
Then I sent the message to my boss!

Crying😂

When I was a teenager, in class (probably year 11), someone said something great that I agreed with. I went to do a thumbs up but instead gave him the middle finger. Right in front of the teacher. No idea why. Only time I got sent out of the classroom.

Ooo another one... not me this time but my mum.

We'd been to see my mum and dad with my 2 sons. They used to get a bit bored with all the 'adult talk' so i let them take their Gameboy consoles with them.

After saying our goodbyes we were walking back to the car when my mum came running out of the house waving my son's console shouting at the top of her voice ...

'Don't forget you Playboy'

God knows what sort of parent their neighbours thought I was !!

Tried to kiss the Asda delivery guy goodbye!
Was serving on a till and the customer I was serving had a massive behind. Now I mean really massive, she was quite skinny and pretty and this massive arse just looked so out of place. After I'd finished serving her instead of calling whose next I shouted who's massive!

This wins. That poor man. That's just brilliant.

I was shopping in Morrisons after recently having a baby who cried alot. I thought I was rocking and shushing the buggy only to look up at the cashier and realise it was a trolley, with no baby.
Baby was at home with dh. She looked at me like I was crazy.

I've said the very same!! 🤣🤣

Oh god....me too!

'have a lovely holiday'

'you too'

WHYYYY 😫

i bet he came out of the pool at that!

When i was in my mid 20s some builders were doing some work on the roof of the building we rented a flat in. There was a leak from the roof overnight and we were woken up by water dripping on us.

The next morning I saw the builders and was trying to impress upon them the need to get it fixed and said "I woke up in the night and I was all wet".

Proper smirks on all their faces and, yes, I wanted to die 😬.

My social anxiety is cringing at these 🙈

I have so many. Best is I told the plumber “see you soon, love you” when he had to pop out. I had a 3 month old and in my sputtering “no, sorry, I don’t” he told me to have a nap 😂.

One thing I can’t get my head around, though. Why were you the one saying “you’re welcome”/“no problem” after saying thank you? Surely that was the cashier’s line? 😅