So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

I have to be really careful when using the phonetic alphabet as when I say Y Yankee as I was trained to do decades ago I am prone to say Y wankee…
And to add to my embarrassment over this I’ve just managed to add this fact to the wrong chat regarding Power of Attorney- given how serious that matter is I do hope it’s brought a smile to some stressed faces.

Texted my husband to say "stop giving the dog garlic bread he keeps fucking farting! It smells like something crawled up his arse and fucking DIED!!"
Then realised I'd not sent it to my husband but sent it to a rather posh client of mine. Luckily she did find it hilarious!

This reminds me of when I was a child and saw a small dead fly in a roll of sellotape. My mum said it was probably a bit of fluff or something, but I replied with "no mum, it's definitely a fly, you can see it's testicles" (I meant to say tentacles.)

Years ago I heard an eminent QC speak about one of her early cases as a junior. Family case, she was representing the wife. Reading from the brief, she said with great flourish that the wife had been in receipt of “and I quote - FUCK ALL!” The solicitors clerk tapped her and whispered

“F All means family allowance”

This thread has given me the best laugh. I very often combine phrases or respond to anticipated question before it’s been asked!

It wasn't something I said but I still blush remembering. I was on holiday with husband in a hotel somewhere in Spain. When we were younger and poorer always went self-catering so hotels with dinner included was a recent and welcome change. We went into the hotel restaurant and picked a table and went off to choose a starter but then didn't eat at the same rate and would wander back for another course happily without waiting for each other to finish!. As I headed back to our table with my main course and sat down to enjoy it I glanced at the buffet style set up and couldn't see my husband, nor was he walking back with a plate of food. He was in fact several tables away laughing and signalling to me that I had sat at someone else's table by mistake! I eat quickly so had started the course before realising! There were a few fellow diners who spotted what I had done and we all laughed as I picked up my food and headed to the right table just in time to miss the 'real owners' return.

DH once asked his barber if he could just have "the c**t frut"
Instead of front cut.

He never went back

I am absolutely howling with laughter over this 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 but also, sorry for your loss x

On a coach tour we had a couple that were late back onboard every single time we stopped.
On one stop the driver was counting heads as per and announced we were 2 people short.
up pipes me the usual suspects
Up pipes them no, we’re here

The worst thing I have ever said… and I still cannot get over it to this day and it was 16 years ago was when I went into a super posh deli with my 5 year old son and his friend who was coming for a movie night and sleepover and as I was buying goodies for the snacks I asked the chap behind the counter where the popcorn was but instead of saying popcorn I said cock porn! I still cannot even … I just can’t even think of it!

Just had a baby and was selling some maternity tops. A lady who I thought was pregnant came to buy some tops. I asked when baby due and she told she wasn't pregnant. I profusely apologised and felt so bad I let her have them for free.

I did this to the postman once. Wanted the earth to swallow me whole.

I was always shouting "Shut the door!" at DH and the Dch when I was watching TV and they were on the computer in the next room. We also had a collie who was obsessed with the ball. She would chase it, then drop it and get distracted so I would have to shout "Fetch the ball" so she'd bring it back. One day in the park with her I yelled out at the top of my voice: "SHUT THE DOOR!"

And when fidget spinners were a craze.
The kids had forgotten them at the table in a full brewers fayre restaurant and I reminded my husband to go and get them

For some reason I said to him "please don't forget the kiddy fiddler".

I have never felt so embarrassed

😂

😂😂😂

I’ve said Y for Wankee more times than I can count.

OMG!!!!!! 😱

😂

Possibly worst of all (for me) - friends grandparent had died and she was devastated. I knew GP too so was invited to the funeral. Saw the friend a few days before for a few drinks and as I was getting in a taxi to leave said “see on Wednesday… can’t wait!”

😱🤣💩

This thread is just what I needed to cheer me up today, have laughed out loud at so many of these.

Years ago, one of my colleagues sent a letter out to a customer and at the end had signed it off “we apologise for any incontinence” instead of inconvenience. Obviously it wasn’t picked up by spell check and the customer was a rather elderly lady, oops.

this is the best- i'm actually howling at this!

In my work we use the acronyms poo and pop to mean proof of ownership/purchase. I once emailed a customer not thinking and asked her to send me her poo. I had a very confused phonecall after that.

Op I feel for you. I on e went to a wedding and went to greet the bride, instead of saying congratulations I said we'll done. We just stated at each other for a split second then I walked of awkwardly

Job interview went well. Just starting to relax as I was walked to the front door of the building and lead recruiter says "I hope it wasn't too gruelling" or something to that effect, I responded with "oh no it was quite pleasurable". PLEASANT! I meant pleasant!! Mortified as soon as it left my mouth.

I got the job. Lead recruiter is my manager and we get on really well. 4 years later it's still makes me absolutely cringe.

I can't breathe 🤣🤣🤣😭

Not me thankfully but my sister startled a security chap in Debenhams by asking him 'Do you sell drugs?' Instead of 'Do you sell rugs!'