Page 32 | So embarrassed I wanted to die.

Katkins17 · 2024-09-23T17:07:21+00:00

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ... 'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM' I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind. What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

MammaKel · 26/09/2024 20:27

TwoeightTwoeightTwoOhhhh · 25/09/2024 15:51

When I worked in shoe shop a man asked me if the trainers were bisexual. I was only 15 and struggled to keep a straight face while I confirmed that they were definitely unisex, bisexual I couldn’t answer for 🤣

This isn't mine as such (although I definitely have my fair share of embarrassing moments) but it reminds me of this.

We were talking to MIL about DD2 name before she was born and MIL said " I really do like transsexual names"

She meant unisex ..

06230villefrancesurmer · 26/09/2024 23:22

booboo24 · 26/09/2024 19:38

I have another one....one night I was waiting for my friend to come over, and was cleaning out the cat litter tray. The doorbell rang, so I called for her to come in, she didn't, so I shouted a bit louder to just come in....still nothing. By now I'd wrapped the dirty litter in newspaper, so I carried it to the front door to let her in. I opened the door but there was just darkness outside. I thought it odd but carried on outside to walk to the bin. All of a sudden a very tall man with a clipboard appeared from the side of the house, it made me jump so badly that I screamed in his face, but as I did so, flung the newspaper containing the cat pooh all over him. He stood there in stunned silence, whilst I laughed like a maniac. Finally pulled myself enough together to profusely apologise and signed up to People's Postcode Lottery with him!

Edited

Ha. I do really hope ya win and the same guy has to present the prize to ya.. that would be beyond fun

katseyes7 · 27/09/2024 09:35

Re the vet posts - one of my rabbits was called Basil Hopkin.
We were sitting in the vets one day, vet came out and called "Mrs Hopkin?"
Nobody moved, myself included. Until she called again and the penny dropped....

Mirabai · 27/09/2024 11:23

HelloMiffy · 25/09/2024 20:33

Have another!

First day in a new job and I coincidentally arrived at the door at the same time as the CEO. He said hello have we met etc etc and I introduced myself as I waited for him to open the door - as I was new, I had no entry fob.

He had a briefcase in one hand and a coffee in the other and he said ' you wouldn't just get my fob card out my pocket would you, ha ha etc?'

I immediately dived into his TROUSER pocket and rootled round his testicles basically, as he gasped a bit and said 'my top pocket!!!'

It was then I saw it half way out of his suit jacket pocket,

😂

BluebirdBoogie · 27/09/2024 12:01

Dave Allen once told a great story about toilet cubicles.

A woman goes into a cubicle, sees something unpleasant in it, comes out and goes into the next one instead.

While she is washing her hands, another woman walks in, goes to the unpleasant cubicle and immediately comes straight out.

The woman washing her hands laughs and says "I just did that!"

Not sure it's true but a great story.

Jitsandshiggles · 27/09/2024 13:12

Thought of another one my mum told me. She wasn't a great flyer, was on her own on this particular flight, and they'd flown into a pocket bad weather. My mum was distressed enough that lady next to her took her hand and said 'don't worry dear, it's only terminal '
Which didn't help in the moment 😂

Umanresources · 27/09/2024 15:38

My adult DD and I were in the back of a taxi which was in a queue waiting to leave the airport in Lisbon. It was very hot and noisy, so I decided to make small talk with the driver. In a loud voice I said, very slowly, enunciating each word clearly, “It’s very busy, isn’t it?” There was silence from the driver, so the question just awkwardly hung there, then after a pause, my DD said, equally loudly and slowly, “Yes, it is, isn’t it.”

we didn’t dare look at each other, but we were both shaking with quiet laughter.

Another time my OH and I were in a taxi in Skiathos, going to the airport and the driver asked, “What did you think of Miltos?”
My reply, “Absolutely beautiful”.
Driver, “Yes, I’ve known him for many years”.
i didn’t realise the hotel was named after the owner, who was good looking, but not beautiful 🫣

cowandpigeon · 27/09/2024 15:54

Umanresources · 27/09/2024 15:38

My adult DD and I were in the back of a taxi which was in a queue waiting to leave the airport in Lisbon. It was very hot and noisy, so I decided to make small talk with the driver. In a loud voice I said, very slowly, enunciating each word clearly, “It’s very busy, isn’t it?” There was silence from the driver, so the question just awkwardly hung there, then after a pause, my DD said, equally loudly and slowly, “Yes, it is, isn’t it.”

we didn’t dare look at each other, but we were both shaking with quiet laughter.

Another time my OH and I were in a taxi in Skiathos, going to the airport and the driver asked, “What did you think of Miltos?”
My reply, “Absolutely beautiful”.
Driver, “Yes, I’ve known him for many years”.
i didn’t realise the hotel was named after the owner, who was good looking, but not beautiful 🫣

In a loud voice I said, very slowly, enunciating each word clearly

Why would you do this? It’s so rude.

Umanresources · 27/09/2024 16:12

cowandpigeon · 27/09/2024 15:54

In a loud voice I said, very slowly, enunciating each word clearly

Why would you do this? It’s so rude.

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Because it was very noisy! I would have done the same in England.

cowandpigeon · 27/09/2024 16:18

Umanresources · 27/09/2024 16:12

Because it was very noisy! I would have done the same in England.

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Ok fair enough. Because so many English people seem to do this when they speak with foreigners. It’s beyond rude.

Ivehearditbothways · 27/09/2024 16:20

cowandpigeon · 27/09/2024 16:18

Ok fair enough. Because so many English people seem to do this when they speak with foreigners. It’s beyond rude.

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I’m Scottish, and I do have to slow down and speak carefully otherwise they really don’t understand us. But I have to do with Americans just as much as any other nationality. Sometimes even the English!

lcakethereforeIam · 27/09/2024 16:48

Umanresources · 27/09/2024 15:38

My adult DD and I were in the back of a taxi which was in a queue waiting to leave the airport in Lisbon. It was very hot and noisy, so I decided to make small talk with the driver. In a loud voice I said, very slowly, enunciating each word clearly, “It’s very busy, isn’t it?” There was silence from the driver, so the question just awkwardly hung there, then after a pause, my DD said, equally loudly and slowly, “Yes, it is, isn’t it.”

we didn’t dare look at each other, but we were both shaking with quiet laughter.

Another time my OH and I were in a taxi in Skiathos, going to the airport and the driver asked, “What did you think of Miltos?”
My reply, “Absolutely beautiful”.
Driver, “Yes, I’ve known him for many years”.
i didn’t realise the hotel was named after the owner, who was good looking, but not beautiful 🫣

I'm shaking with quiet laughter myself 😁

Fescue · 27/09/2024 20:58

BluebirdBoogie · 27/09/2024 12:01

Dave Allen once told a great story about toilet cubicles.

A woman goes into a cubicle, sees something unpleasant in it, comes out and goes into the next one instead.

While she is washing her hands, another woman walks in, goes to the unpleasant cubicle and immediately comes straight out.

The woman washing her hands laughs and says "I just did that!"

Not sure it's true but a great story.

That is a more polite version of the original joke:

Man exits the pub a bit merry. Stands in a dog turd and falls down hard on the pavement. Gets up and while brushing himself off another man entering the pub slips on it and falls down. As he gets up, the first man says "I just did that!". The second man pick him up by his collar and then rubs his nose in it.

fatphalange · 27/09/2024 21:21

I asked for 'just flies please' in mcDonalds.

Gave a bit of an impatient 'excuse me, please' to a shop mannequin.

In my first job, I made a bit of a mistake and meant to say 'whoops I made a boo-boo' (I'd heard it on some US sitcom or somewhere) but instead raised my voice and said 'argh! I've poo pooed!'

Dontsayyouloveme · 27/09/2024 21:37

fatphalange · 27/09/2024 21:21

I asked for 'just flies please' in mcDonalds.

Gave a bit of an impatient 'excuse me, please' to a shop mannequin.

In my first job, I made a bit of a mistake and meant to say 'whoops I made a boo-boo' (I'd heard it on some US sitcom or somewhere) but instead raised my voice and said 'argh! I've poo pooed!'

I asked for chicken in black blean (instead of bean) sauce in a Chinese takeaway! 😬😬😬

TeaOrCoffeeOrHotChocolate · 27/09/2024 21:50

Fancypopop · 23/09/2024 19:33

I was on the phone to my insurance company and they asked me to spell out my car reg and post code phonetically.

I can only remember alpha and nothing else from the phonetic alphabet and my mind went completely and utterly blank and all I could think of were swear words. It was like I lost all ability to think of normal words. So I told them B for bastard and T for Tom Hardy and W for “when you go for a walk” 🤣

Oh my god that is hilarious!

Kittensat36 · 27/09/2024 22:35

I've got one - not a floor swallowing example, but a great malapropism.

I had been out one Saturday night and had a sherbet or twenty. Next day, I had a gale force hangover, even my hair hurt. Normally, I would have a glass of wine before lunch. So my Mum was doing lunch and got the wine out . She called out up the stairs "Kittens, are you staying celibate today?"

I have to say with the way my head felt, sex really wasn't an option.

Ivehearditbothways · 27/09/2024 23:01

Kittensat36 · 27/09/2024 22:35

I've got one - not a floor swallowing example, but a great malapropism.

I had been out one Saturday night and had a sherbet or twenty. Next day, I had a gale force hangover, even my hair hurt. Normally, I would have a glass of wine before lunch. So my Mum was doing lunch and got the wine out . She called out up the stairs "Kittens, are you staying celibate today?"

I have to say with the way my head felt, sex really wasn't an option.

You normally have a glass of wine before lunch?

SpiggingBelgium · 28/09/2024 12:18

Ivehearditbothways · 27/09/2024 23:01

You normally have a glass of wine before lunch?

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That’s exactly what @Kittensat36 said. Which bit are you struggling with?

cowandpigeon · 28/09/2024 12:33

SpiggingBelgium · 28/09/2024 12:18

That’s exactly what @Kittensat36 said. Which bit are you struggling with?

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Some people struggle with reading comprehension.

DerekFaker · 28/09/2024 13:17

Nothatfunny · 26/09/2024 12:12

I was early 20s, just married and we got a kitten. My first ever pet so no experience at the vets. Took him for his jabs and the busy receptionist just asked name? So I said Minky, as that was the cute name we’d chosen for him. 5 minutes later the vet comes out and shouts Mrs Minky? Turns out I should have given the receptionist my name, not the cat’s.

😁

DerekFaker · 28/09/2024 13:18

SpiggingBelgium · 28/09/2024 12:18

That’s exactly what @Kittensat36 said. Which bit are you struggling with?

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This is Mumsnet, where more than a small glass of sherry on Christmas day = alcoholism.

Ivehearditbothways · 28/09/2024 14:11

DerekFaker · 28/09/2024 13:18

This is Mumsnet, where more than a small glass of sherry on Christmas day = alcoholism.

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Eh, I drink a lot of wine. I go for cocktails most Fridays. Nothing wrong with a drink… but for someone to say “I usually have a glass of wine before lunch.” That’s concerning.

BirthdayRainbow · 28/09/2024 14:13

Ivehearditbothways · 28/09/2024 14:11

Eh, I drink a lot of wine. I go for cocktails most Fridays. Nothing wrong with a drink… but for someone to say “I usually have a glass of wine before lunch.” That’s concerning.

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Really? Why?

Ivehearditbothways · 28/09/2024 14:17

BirthdayRainbow · 28/09/2024 14:13

Really? Why?

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Everyday. Needing A glass of wine before noon. That’s an alcoholic.