So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

@Funkyslippers not really as he was the CEO and worked solely on the upper floor

But did our paths cross relatively often in the 18 months I was there? Sadly, yes.

I went for an interview, was asked to wait in a dingy corner, made me feel like I was in a naughty corner. I decided to share my initial impressions with my husband but I accidentally sent the text to the boss/interviewer - for context, the boss had been texting me about the interview details - without checking properly I sent the message to the last number than to my husband - thankfully I got the job, but I did not take it 😁

These are great!

The squirrel one makes me think of something that still makes me cringe many years later. As a junior doctor I was sitting in a side room on the coronary care unit having a ‘bad news’ conversation with some relatives. Unfortunately during a pause I glanced out of the window and said “oooh it’s snowing!!” very excitedly. The relatives just stared at me, presumably thinking I sounded about 4.

As a young naive 20 year old working in the accounts department of a motorcycle dealership, the sales manager came up to my office to ask me for a customer's file as he had made an error. As I got the files out, he started to take the mick out of my filing (he had a point!) I laughed and meant to say "stop it, I'm trying to help sort your cock up out" but what I actually said was "stop it, I'm trying to help your cock up". I was mortified!!! Now a days I'd laugh until I cried but oh the shame back then!!!

Not me personally, but my mum and I were stood at the side of the road waiting for my dad to pick us up, a blue car approached and my hiked up her skirt and flashed her upper thigh and knickers, imagine how mortified we were when I told her it wasn’t dad 😂😂… right colour but wrong make and model 😂😂😂

@HelloMiffy HelloMiffy · Today 20:33

I immediately dived into his TROUSER pocket and rootled round his testicles basically, as he gasped a bit and said 'my top pocket!!!'

You had me laughing so hard at 'rootled around his testicles'. beautifully descriptive.

Funnily enough I had to post a large letter last week and I rarely go into the post office.
I got to the front, only one post office person and a very long queue behind me in silence.
She said 'how would you like to send this?'
I said 'erm...letterbox?'

After an extremely long silence I realised she meant what stamp 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
She didn't smile but I heard giggling behind me

Oh my goodness, I thought it was just me.

1. Had a Hispanic Uber driver while on holiday to Florida. He didn’t speak any English and couldn’t understand us saying ‘stop here’ so I was trying to think of what to say and said loudly ‘perfecto’. When I got out of the car I couldn’t remember how to say thank you in any language let alone Spanish so I said ‘Feliz Navidad’
2. Has a job interview and the boss said ‘welcome’ when I walked in the room and I automatically just said ‘welcome to you!’
3. i have a history of saying the wrong things very publicly at funerals. I even gave an impromptu speech at my aunts funeral where I talked about her younger life and flippantly said ‘and that was the final nail in the coffin’. Then at another family funeral I greeted the bereaved son of my uncle at the door to the wake and said ‘oh it’s great to see you, isn’t it lovely to have an excuse to all be together again? How are you?’ Completely forgetting that he was understandably grieving.

i have issues!

have to ask what happened?!

This has got to be up there with one of the funniest!!!! Hilarious!!

My dsis had just moved into a new flat, her dp was due home but didn't have the key yet. We heard knocking so dsis shouts "who eeez it" in a stupid French accent, repeating it loudly all the way to the door, assuming it was her dp...nope, was his friend she had yet to meet, still laugh about it 20 years later!

More recently I was recommending one of our specials to a customer, Philly Cheese steak panini, 3 times I said chilli fease steak before giving up, and pointing 🤦🏻‍♀️

I so often get my murds wuddled up it's no longer embarrassing!

I saw my workmate go into the ladies' (at least I thought I did!). I went in a couple of minutes later and shouted to the closed cubicle "is that you in there, you old dog?" (we often insulted each other playfully!). After a few seconds there came a small reply "no". Pretty sure it was one of the managers. I swiftly exited!

Years ago a work colleague and I walked into the Town Hall canteen where we worked, to get our morning sandwich. As I looked at the food on offer whilst at the back of the queue, I went into daydream mode. I've heard the lady serving say "What can I get you Marlene?"
Whenever my colleague or I heard that name, out of habit, we'd say the name whilst doing an impression of Boycie from Fools and Horses....... yep, you've guessed right 😂
About 10 or so seconds later I've realised what I may have done, so I whispered to my colleague "did I just do the Marlene thing out loud?"
He replied holding back lots of giggles "Yep"
"Did Marlene hear it?"
"Yep, she looked down this way"

Head down until she left the queue 🤣

I was early 20s, just married and we got a kitten. My first ever pet so no experience at the vets. Took him for his jabs and the busy receptionist just asked name? So I said Minky, as that was the cute name we’d chosen for him. 5 minutes later the vet comes out and shouts Mrs Minky? Turns out I should have given the receptionist my name, not the cat’s.

I did a year in Germany as part of my language degree, and it took me a while to stop being nervous of speaking the language to 'real' German people 😄so I made a few cock-ups early on out of nerves. One day I took a bracelet into a jeweller's to be repaired. The woman asked me something in German which, in hindsight, must have been along the lines of 'when do you need it done by?' (this was 30+ years ago so I've forgotten the exact details). For some reason I misheard her, thought she was making small talk and had asked how long I was over there for, and answered in German 'about a year.' Cue major confusion on her part until I realised what she'd actually said - then felt compelled to explain the misunderstanding in halting German. Thankfully she did have a laugh with me in the end about it, but I just wanted to curl up and die.

Also, due to German expressing time as 'halfway to' the hour rather than 'half past', while I was over there I once told someone who stopped me on the street and asked me for the time that it was an hour earlier than it actually was.

Looking back it's a wonder I ever got that degree. 😂

I thought generally vets DID go by the pet's name, or a combo of their name and the owner's surname. So in your case it'd be 'Minky Smith' (or whatever).

They do......I stupidly let my then 4 year old name her guinea pigs Jessica (lovely) and GOBBY!! First vets appointment and he called out "Gobby please?" I scuttled in looking at the floor and then explained I really hadn't thought this one through!

They do, but I once went in and gave the pet’s name to the receptionist, she said, “And surname?” And I gave the pet’s surname, which was Von Woozle. After a couple of minutes of her being unable to find the appointment under that name, I had to shamefully whisper, “Oh, you meant MY surname”.

I love that you gave your pet its own surname

I was relaxing at home one dark evening, when the doorbell rang. I live on a main road and from time to time we do get strange people turning up (usually with addiction/mh problems sadly). I was not in the mood for it this particular evening and stormed off to open the door. I was shocked to find a tall young man standing right next to the door wearing a frightening mask. In that moment I thought I was about to be assaulted or robbed, and so out of fear I shouted, 'What the HELL is going on here !!! '
He quietly said, ' Erm..trick or treat?'.
It was halloween night and i had completely forgotten, despite having decorated my front garden earlier in the week with halloween decorations, thus encouraging trick or treaters to feel welcome to come to my house.
He was obviously tall for his age and a bit awkward, which is why he hadn't stepped back from the door after ringing the bell.
Luckily I had bought sweets earlier in the week and was able to hand them out. I did apologise, but asked if he wasn't a bit old for trick or treating ? He said he was only 9 and I realised that he probably was. To make it worse, his mates were waiting on their bikes at the end of my path. I offered them some sweets as well.

I just had to own it. I went to him straightaway, before he’d even got his phone out of his pocket and said

look I’ve been a twat and I’ve accidentally sent you a text complaining about you

He didn’t find it amusing. But as he’d nearly finished we agreed that I’d pay him and he’d leave. DH finished the last bits of the job

Cringe

Ouch😫

😹When I took my first cat to the vet to have her stitches out after she'd been spayed, the vet took them out saying, "You could've done this yourself, young lady!" & I replied, "Oh, sorry, I didn't know that."

He paused, looked up at me & said, "I was talking to the cat. They can bite them out."

I have another one....one night I was waiting for my friend to come over, and was cleaning out the cat litter tray. The doorbell rang, so I called for her to come in, she didn't, so I shouted a bit louder to just come in....still nothing. By now I'd wrapped the dirty litter in newspaper, so I carried it to the front door to let her in. I opened the door but there was just darkness outside. I thought it odd but carried on outside to walk to the bin. All of a sudden a very tall man with a clipboard appeared from the side of the house, it made me jump so badly that I screamed in his face, but as I did so, flung the newspaper containing the cat pooh all over him. He stood there in stunned silence, whilst I laughed like a maniac. Finally pulled myself enough together to profusely apologise and signed up to People's Postcode Lottery with him!