So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

Oh no I have a couple of these.
Most recently, taking my child to school, the Headteacher was standing in the playground.
She usually says, “good morning, how are you?” And I say, “ I’m good , you?”

She caught me off guard changing it up, and said, “Good morning, isn’t it lovely to see the sun today?”

And I said “ I’m AMAZING” 🙄

With a drawn out mmmm on the “I’m” and a loud “amazing,” as my brain tried to change “I’m good” to “its amazing.”

She said “Oh,” and smiled. Obviously I caught her off guard too.
Spent the rest of my day cringing so bad.

Walking along the corridor at work, holding a banana. Boss coming in the other direction, coincidentally also holding a banana. Yelped, “We’re banana twins!” and fired my banana like a gun??????

14 years ago and I still regret it.

When I was in my 20's I took my new Boyfriend home to meet my parents, it was my first serious relationship so everyone was a bit nervous.
My Dad asked if the BF played a sport and when he said he did my Dad said they should have a game but he had to warm my BF that he was pretty good and would probably "lick his arse".
Stunned silence from everyone as my Dad realised he had mixed up "lick him" which is an old fashioned term for defeat roundly apparently and "kick his arse"

This made me laugh 😂

I’m autistic and often run social interaction scenarios in my head (so I know what to say, I suppose 🤷🏼‍♀️)

anyway years ago at the shop when all my stuff was rung through I fully expected the person at checkout to ask me
“is there anything else?”

she didn’t say it - so I did. 🤦‍♀️

Result was a very confused and embarrassing silence while I regained my composure, paid and left.
still cringing 😬 🤣

Years ago when the Lenny Henry show was on TV, H and I were clothes shopping. The cashier folded the jacket H was buying and held up the hanger and said “coathanger?” H replied “Katanga” then walked out of the shop leaving me to apologise (and pay!)

when I was a young fresh faced nurse( many years ago now) I had to treat a gorgeous looking male A&E patient who had a large wooden splinter embedded down his nail bed ( think bigger than a matchstick ) the wood was quite soft and hard to grab hold of to pull out for him.I meant to say I’m just gonna have to grab it and yank it out ,, YES , I did say I’m just gonna have to grab it and wank it out !!! .
needless to say we both had a good laugh about it but boy was I red faced .🙈

At a funeral, saying goodbye to the bereaved family "Thank you for having us, we've had a lovely time"!! Just styled it out and left ....

Remember being at a social event near QUB (Queens University Belfast) where there just happened to be a lot of gay men in attendance.

Elderly man joining the group enquires “and are you all Queens?” clearly meaning are you students of said university.

Nobody knew what to say 🤣

Ended very professional text message to rather grumpy boss with xoxo

Texted back to say sorry and he graciously said “It’s ok I can do with all the kisses and hugs I can get”

I still felt 🤦‍♀️🤣

Love this one! 😂

Oh, yes! Might have to start saying this myself....

While visiting a cousin, his new wife apologised for the ‘state of the place’ as they were just home from work (it had nothing wrong with it actually, but she must have felt it needed tidying)

In my mind I wanted to emphasise with the stresses of housework & a full time job so I had two phrases in my head to say-

“It’s fine, I know what you’re up against”
or
“It’s fine, I know what it’s like”

What I actually said was
”It’s fine, I know what you’re like”

The look of 😮 on her face 🤦‍♀️

I've done the boob one but I had put baby down in his moses basket and forgot to put myself away
I then opened the door to the postie a little while later and chatted away to him while he looked anywhere but at me....... only when I closed the door and turned thinking he seemed off did I catch sight of myself
For the next year he faced away from the door when he had a parcel for me 😂

@AmIEnough

The second working for the same company and I was on the phone again and I asked to speak to Heidi and the person on the other end said “this is Heidi” my response was “oh Heidi hi!” at which point the rest of my colleagues all fell on the floor laughing. You need to be over a certain age to understand this joke, but if anyone has seen the television programme, you’ll know exactly what I mean. I couldn’t speak for laughing! Very unprofessional! 🤣🤣

This reminds me of another one. I was doing work experience at a barristers chambers and was with a young barrister who shared a room with lots of others.
He was phoning the solicitors to speak about a case he'd just been given. It featured a litigant in person who had (I'm guessing to take the piss out of the legal system) either changed his name or given his name as Hugh Jarse.

It hadn't registered with the barrister probably because he hadn't said it out loud.
He said to the person on the phone "Could I speak to Ms Smith? I'm phoning about the case of Hugh Jarse'.

The whole room fell about laughing. The even funnier part was that he was totally perplexed and was looking at everyone going 'what? What?' as he was on hold but no one could speak as they were laughing too much. and then when the solicitor was on the phone, he was tryign to talk to her about the case at the same time as wondering why everyone was laughing. Of course he said it again at the start when he was connected to her which provoked another round of gales of hilarity.

My mum was once trying to describe something that was both stingey and a bit minging. She came out with the word ‘mingey’. Unfortunately she thought it was quite a good word and used it regularly until I pointed out what she was actually describing!

Not me, my mum. We were shopping years ago and I was buying a bikini. I went towards the changing rooms to try it on and on the way I was distracted by something else. Meanwhile, mum decided to join me and walked into the changing room to see just once cubicle occupied, and thinking it was me, wolf-whistled and said "Come on let's have a look" and the very shocked face of a stranger peeped round the curtain. My mum hotfooted it out after apologising profusely.

Ha ha done that

@WhyDoesNothingWorkj
🤣🤣

I often find myself getting tongue tied. About 10 years ago it was my turn to get the drinks in at a pub, my friend came up to the bar with me and instead of saying "and a bottle of bud" I said a "and bobble of bugs please" the bartender just looked at me and my friend laughed so hard she nearly fell of her stool. I was soooo embarrassed 🙈

@Chocolatestain Chocolatestain · Today 12:06

My mum was once trying to describe something that was both stingey and a bit minging. She came out with the word ‘mingey’. Unfortunately she thought it was quite a good word and used it regularly until I pointed out what she was actually describing!

Er...mingy is a word though.It does mean stingey.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/mingy

Come on, tell us who it is.

Incidentally, brownie points to him for doing his own canvassing.

I would have added a little pow pow firing noise but then again I tend to make situations much worse.
I can't think of anything other than not having my glasses on and saying hello to a police sticker on a home bargains wall.

I still have regular flashbacks of calling the teacher Mum loudly across the classroom when I was 12. I'm 43 now 😅

My wife and I are just pixxing ourselves at that.