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Original poster

So embarrassed I wanted to die.

914 replies

Katkins17 · 23/09/2024 18:07

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

OP posts:
AubrieDog · 25/09/2024 07:38

Runki · 25/09/2024 05:37

That's brilliant! I used to work with a lovely Scotsman too. I remember one day I wore a stripey A line dress to work. I walked past said Scotsman in the corridor, and I thought he said to me, "You're looking very sexy. Were you a virgin in the 70s?" I was a bit taken aback that someone I thought was nice would say such a weird thing so I just walked straight past without replying. I went back to my desk and told my colleague. She said let me translate...he meant your dress..."You're looking very sixties, verging on seventies." We couldn't stop laughing all day. 😂

Show quote history

Almost the same. When I was about 17 I was mooching in a Cumbrian gift shop with my younger cousin (11ish). I was wearing a long fringed skirt and a loose embroidered shirt - in a vaguely 80's/90's studenty way. The guy at the counter said "you look very sixties" and smiled at me, I said "thanks" and shyly smiled back. When we got outside, little cousin was looking horrified. Yup, she thought he'd said I looked very sexy 🙄

AmIEnough · 25/09/2024 07:38

I can think of two occasions. The first I was on the phone to a customer and I meant to say “would you, lovely!” What I actually said was “would you love me?!” 🤣🤣

The second working for the same company and I was on the phone again and I asked to speak to Heidi and the person on the other end said “this is Heidi” my response was “oh Heidi hi!” at which point the rest of my colleagues all fell on the floor laughing. You need to be over a certain age to understand this joke, but if anyone has seen the television programme, you’ll know exactly what I mean. I couldn’t speak for laughing! Very unprofessional! 🤣🤣

AmIEnough · 25/09/2024 07:45

DareDevil223 · 23/09/2024 19:03

I once whipped the door open to the Waitrose delivery guy before he had the chance to press the doorbell. He jumped back startled, so for some reason known only to myself I decided to do extravagant "jazz hands" and yell "SURPRISE!!!!!" at the top of my voice.

Absolutely mortifying Smile

Love this!! 🤣🤣

AmIEnough · 25/09/2024 07:47

@Swissvisa
this is so funny!!😆

AmIEnough · 25/09/2024 07:49

@Minimili
absolutely love this!! 🤣🤣

LakelandDreams · 25/09/2024 07:51

AmIEnough · 25/09/2024 07:38

I can think of two occasions. The first I was on the phone to a customer and I meant to say “would you, lovely!” What I actually said was “would you love me?!” 🤣🤣

The second working for the same company and I was on the phone again and I asked to speak to Heidi and the person on the other end said “this is Heidi” my response was “oh Heidi hi!” at which point the rest of my colleagues all fell on the floor laughing. You need to be over a certain age to understand this joke, but if anyone has seen the television programme, you’ll know exactly what I mean. I couldn’t speak for laughing! Very unprofessional! 🤣🤣

Did anyone reply 'ho-di-ho'?

AmIEnough · 25/09/2024 07:53

MarvellousMidgeMaisel · 23/09/2024 19:25

I went to pick up my poor cats ashes at the weekend… I was very upset but trying really hard not to cry in middle of packed vets.
His casket was inside a blue flowery box and in my nervous state just blurted out “ ooh, you didn’t have to buy me a cake!” WTF? The poor lady didn’t know what to say and the waiting room was silent so everyone heard. Argh cringe.
To be fair, it did look like a cake box but I was so inappropriate.

Even though this is incredibly sad, and I’m so sorry for your loss, this is the one that has made me laugh the loudest! I think it’s because it’s so inappropriate in those circumstances. Absolutely hilarious. Again I’m sorry for your loss. Best wishes.

AmIEnough · 25/09/2024 07:55

@Raveonette 🤣🤣🤣🤣 so funny!!

AmIEnough · 25/09/2024 07:58

@LakelandDreams
yes!! About 3 of them which is why I couldn’t continue speaking because I was laughing too much! 🤣🤣

LakelandDreams · 25/09/2024 08:00

AmIEnough · 25/09/2024 07:58

@LakelandDreams
yes!! About 3 of them which is why I couldn’t continue speaking because I was laughing too much! 🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mumof2heroes · 25/09/2024 08:08

We arrived very late at a French airport (due to train and cab strikes) and we had 20 minutes til boarding. I explained to the stern lady at security and she allowed us through in front of everyone. I was so grateful I could have cried and when we charged away I shouted 'merci beaucoup vous etes tres jolie' basically thanking her and saying she was very pretty! I meant 'gentille' which means kind...I still cringe about this years later!

Autumnrain78 · 25/09/2024 08:26

While at work I asked a guy with only one arm do you want a hand with that!!!!!
Out one night I bumped into someone when trying to get to the bar and as I was turning round I said "sorry i didnt see you there" and when I'd fully turned there was a person of short stature standing there.
I also asked a lady when her baby was due and you guessed it, she wasn't even pregnant!!
I never know what's gonna cone out my mouth sometimes, I need to sew it up!!

Hoppinggreen · 25/09/2024 08:35

xmaswiththeinlaws · 24/09/2024 23:01

I once went into a shop and asked for a kilo of pears in another language, unfortunately I mispronounced it and realised when the shop assistant gave me a horrified state. Apparently I had asked for a kilo of fannies.

If you aren't very careful in Spanish its possible to ask for a creamy cunt instead of an ice cream in a cone.
I always encourage the DC to get it in a cup instead

Starlight1979 · 25/09/2024 08:59

I was walking recently and was in the process of training our reactive rescue dog. A man was walking towards us on a narrow path so I waited for him to pass whilst stroking my dogs head and trying to keep him calm. As the man passed he said "good morning" to which I responded "you're a good boy".

Blueswirl · 25/09/2024 09:00

I arrived at the house of a family friend to see that their son who is younger than me, about 18 at the time, had got really tall and handsome since I'd last seen him, and blurted out "wow!" in front of both our families. 🤦‍♀️I really hope I'm the only one who remembers it 30 years later!

Fontainebleau007 · 25/09/2024 09:11

Fancypopop · 23/09/2024 19:33

I was on the phone to my insurance company and they asked me to spell out my car reg and post code phonetically.

I can only remember alpha and nothing else from the phonetic alphabet and my mind went completely and utterly blank and all I could think of were swear words. It was like I lost all ability to think of normal words. So I told them B for bastard and T for Tom Hardy and W for “when you go for a walk” 🤣

When you go for a walk .. I'm howling 😂😂

SodaFountainMountain · 25/09/2024 09:12

This thread should be in classics. I haven’t cried with laughter so much in so long. Thank you. Much needed right now.

I have done so many embarrassing things over my life I would need several pages.

I have done the going to kiss the cheek, getting confused about which cheek and ending up on the lips…age 17…boyfriends dad- , first time I met him. We just ignored that it happened and carried on.

Birthday party for my 3 year old. I still wasn’t getting much sleep. Toddler group friends came so weren’t my old comfy slipper type friends but new friends. All still a bit careful with each other. DC opened present from one of them and it was his first proper lego. I was super excited (sad I know) and I wanted to say ‘oh, amazing’ or Oh wonderful’ or something like that. But in a loud and over excited voice said ‘oh no!’ Everyone stopped and looked but tired brain me couldn’t find the words to say ‘sorry, that came out wrong, I meant XYZ, Im super tired!’ Instead I carried on as if I hadn’t said it, and talked about how it was his first lego and how great that is. But it just looked like I was back peddlIng having had a strange overly negative reaction to lego.

I’ve also walked around the park with a reusable nappy stuck by velcro to my bum. I had leaned on the radiator in the hall where they were drying.

Also when breastfeeding and chatting to a friend I didn’t notice baby had stopped and fallen asleep. Sat there chatting happily away with my breast out until my friend pointed it out.

I could go on.

Oh dear god I shouldn’t leave the house. I actually hold down a professional role believe it or not.

Cobess · 25/09/2024 09:20

I was about 15 and fancied the guy that worked in my local Superdrug 😂 and I went in there just to get served by him. He was scanning my stuff at the till and said 'Nice day out there isn't it?' and I responded...'YES PLEASE' loudly because I thought he asked if I wanted a bag 😂 I'm 30 now and still think about it haha

DysonSphere · 25/09/2024 09:22

I’ve also walked around the park with a reusable nappy stuck by velcro to my bum. I had leaned on the radiator in the hall where they were drying.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

MarkWithaC · 25/09/2024 10:07

MarkingBad · 23/09/2024 19:47

I worked 2 months for a Christian family who have very deeply held beliefs and were incredibly strict on behaviour and language. I don't think I spoke to anyone for the first 4 weeks just in case I upset this lovely family.

A couple of years later I saw the mother of the family out in public and therefore context but couldn't quite place her. She recognised me instantly came up and said hello and started to ask how I was.

Her name suddenly clicked in my brain, which is operated by a hamster in a wheel sometimes, and loudly exclaimed to all and sundry.

HELLO SUE, HOW THE DEVIL ARE YOU!

Oh crap

This story is funny enough as it is, but 'my brain, which is operated by a hamster in a wheel sometimes,' has made me SNORT.

MarkWithaC · 25/09/2024 10:09

WetBandits · 23/09/2024 19:50

Haha, I’ve got a few! Have posted one of them on a similar thread, but it still makes me laugh so I’ll share it again Grin

I had a complete self-editing fail when diagnosing a patient with sweat rash, and confidently announced that he had ‘chub rub’. I was horrified at myself, but he thankfully found it hilarious. I apologised profusely and blamed baby brain!

The Asda driver came to the gate and instead of saying “hello”, I saw a tin of baked beans in the crate he’d brought to the gate with him as I opened my mouth to speak, and instead greeted him with an almost expressionless “beans”.

Called my dog in from the garden, but inexplicably shouted “Molly!”…he is a boy, his name isn’t Molly, and have never even had a pet named Molly. He came in anyway Grin

'an almost expressionless “beans”.' Grin Grin Grin

MarkWithaC · 25/09/2024 10:11

Fancypopop · 23/09/2024 19:33

I was on the phone to my insurance company and they asked me to spell out my car reg and post code phonetically.

I can only remember alpha and nothing else from the phonetic alphabet and my mind went completely and utterly blank and all I could think of were swear words. It was like I lost all ability to think of normal words. So I told them B for bastard and T for Tom Hardy and W for “when you go for a walk” 🤣

I don't know why, but 'T for Tom Hardy' has REALLY tickled me.

ThisDandyNavyPoet · 25/09/2024 10:14

FoxSticks · 23/09/2024 19:15

I was conducting a gross misconduct disciplinary meeting where two staff members had a physical fight which they said was messing around and "horseplay". I was summing up and said "we cannot tolerate foreplay in this company." Awful moment where we looked at each other, and both of us knew what i had just said, I just had to style it out and keep going.

@FoxSticks Mine is not dissimilar! In an interview for an internal promotion, I was asked to give an example of when I'd been successful at something in my career. I replied nervously, stumbling over my words, and instead of saying 'I had a lot of success', I managed to say 'I had a lot of sex'. 😳Mortified doesn't even cover it, but somehow I styled it out and got the job. To this day, I don't know how I didn't just run screaming from the interview, vowing never to speak again!

TonysMrs · 25/09/2024 10:15

I once asked for a "licky dick" instead of a lucky dip in our (then) local shop. I don't know who laughed louder me or him. There were only a few of us in teh shop thank god and it was lucky he had a good sense of humour although after that I stopped getting lucky dips unless my husband went for me 😂

idrinkandknowthings · 25/09/2024 10:30

Fancypopop · 23/09/2024 19:33

I was on the phone to my insurance company and they asked me to spell out my car reg and post code phonetically.

I can only remember alpha and nothing else from the phonetic alphabet and my mind went completely and utterly blank and all I could think of were swear words. It was like I lost all ability to think of normal words. So I told them B for bastard and T for Tom Hardy and W for “when you go for a walk” 🤣

My sister said 'D for erm errr Dolly Parton' on the phone to Eon!