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Original poster

So embarrassed I wanted to die.

914 replies

Katkins17 · 23/09/2024 18:07

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

OP posts:
Savemydrink · 24/09/2024 23:16

ttcat37 · 23/09/2024 19:10

Once wrote in some paperwork to the crown prosecution service that Joe Bloggs had excreted some drugs in his underpants.

ha ha ha this had me howling, thank you

Zocola · 24/09/2024 23:26

Was on the phone to local council ,being sent around the houses put on hold ect to inform them I'd seen rats in my garden. At the precise moment someone actually answered my call my dear mum asked me if I wanted a cup of tea ( totally throwing me) I ended up informing the lady on the end of the phone I had "Prats" running around my garden, my mums name is "Pat".. lovely lady said she'd heard them called all sorts but never "Prats" through floods of laughter .God the laughter ,was told I'd made her day..

Savemydrink · 24/09/2024 23:30

Many years ago I worked for a company that imported glass/china wear.
After a delivery of pottery Shire Horses I was tasked with phoning the supplier to inform them of some breakages due to poor packaging.

I don't know why but I said "hello, we have three boxes of broken Shite Horses" after a very long pause I slammed the phone down

sumayyah · 24/09/2024 23:31

At a friend's funeral I said "well it was lovely to see you" as I prepared to leave 🙈

BluebirdBoogie · 24/09/2024 23:40

TheHangingGardensOfBasildon · 23/09/2024 19:34

"I'm Angela Hernandez!" Grin

Show quote history

I wondered when that would come up 😄

MabelMora · 24/09/2024 23:50

Zeeship · Yesterday 19:59

Years ago I heard an eminent QC speak about one of her early cases as a junior. Family case, she was representing the wife. Reading from the brief, she said with great flourish that the wife had been in receipt of “and I quote - FUCK ALL!” The solicitors clerk tapped her and whispered

“F All means family allowance”

Oh my God, I've just been belly laughing about Keir Starmer and his sausages, and now this has set me off again 😂.

HowAmITheCatsGranny · 24/09/2024 23:51

When I had small kids I ended up being designated driver for a small group of colleagues to a work training day.. I may have pointed out the sheep and the moo cows in the fields as we drove past Blush
I also, in the same job, told one young team member that he should have had his listening ears on (to be fair on that one…)

LittleShismism · 25/09/2024 02:04

DareDevil223 · 23/09/2024 19:03

I once whipped the door open to the Waitrose delivery guy before he had the chance to press the doorbell. He jumped back startled, so for some reason known only to myself I decided to do extravagant "jazz hands" and yell "SURPRISE!!!!!" at the top of my voice.

Absolutely mortifying Smile

Omg this made me howl 😂😂😂

Runki · 25/09/2024 04:35

LakelandDreams · 23/09/2024 19:02

I once finished a call to an important client by saying 'buboo' in a loud cheery voice rather than bye-bye. Mortified.

Oh my, I can't stop laughing! "Buboo" 😂

Runki · 25/09/2024 04:39

Smineusername · 23/09/2024 19:06

When I was a teenager, standing in a queue to receive communion at mass, I accidentally asked the priest for 'a half please' as if I would if I was boarding the bus

Ha ha ha!!! I do hope he either gave you half a wafer or shouted out, "Ding ding, all change, please!" 😂😂

Runki · 25/09/2024 04:51

Whisperingangel1 · 23/09/2024 19:20

I worked in fashion and during a presentation for the launch of our new crop trouser I said "and here is the new crap trouser of the season".
Absolutely mortified.

When I was a teenager I had a waitressing job and one day a young couple came in on a date. I was taking their dessert order when the guy said "i'll have a stiffy toffee pudding please"........both me and his date were in tears.

One of my mums colleagues was describing a new dress she had bought. Instead of saying lurex, she said i bought a lovely new dress made from durex. Lol.

Oh crikey these have made tears roll down my face ha ha ha thank you 😂

Runki · 25/09/2024 04:57

mycatsbestfriend · 23/09/2024 19:26

I said thanks to a cash machine. Glad no one was there

Oh that's brilliant! That's the sort of thing I do. Imagine if it answered. Ha ha 😂 I often accidentally say thank you to self service tills. 😂

Runki · 25/09/2024 05:05

SpidersAreShitheads · 23/09/2024 19:32

Oh god, just remembered another one.

I was in Smyths right at the end of the day near Christmas. The cashier was a really young girl and she was telling me that she was having a rough time and struggling badly with anxiety on that day.

I wanted to let her know that having a bad day doesn't mean that tomorrow will be bad too, and that each day you can start afresh and it might be a better day.

What I actually said to her was "Anxiety is awful, but the thing to remember is that things can always get much worse."

And then with that, I just left because I couldn't get my mouth to figure out what I meant to say instead 🤦🏻‍♀️

🤣🤣🤣 A friend of mine was trying to console someone who was really worrying about something. She ended up saying to them, "Don't worry, it doesn't look as bad as it is."

Runki · 25/09/2024 05:21

We used to have an Evri delivery man for a while who looked exactly like Joseph Stalin. One day I could see him coming up the path and I said to my husband, "Stalin's here with my parcel." Answered the door and the delivery man handed me the parcel and said, "Thank you darling." My response, "Thank you, Stalin". He looked really confused and scuttled away. Eeeeek.

Runki · 25/09/2024 05:37

Pluvia · 23/09/2024 19:58

I once worked with a very cheerful, lovely bloke with a strong Scottish accent who used to greet me every day with what sounded to me like 'Howryou?', and I'd always respond 'Fine' or whatever and then 'How are things with you?' After a few weeks of this someone took me aside in the office kitchen and explained that my colleague was saying 'Hallloooo' each morning and was bemused that I and others responded by reporting on our state of health.

Since then when I want to be cheery I sometimes find myself greeting people with his 'Hellloooo' — and they quite often respond with a report on their well-being...

That's brilliant! I used to work with a lovely Scotsman too. I remember one day I wore a stripey A line dress to work. I walked past said Scotsman in the corridor, and I thought he said to me, "You're looking very sexy. Were you a virgin in the 70s?" I was a bit taken aback that someone I thought was nice would say such a weird thing so I just walked straight past without replying. I went back to my desk and told my colleague. She said let me translate...he meant your dress..."You're looking very sixties, verging on seventies." We couldn't stop laughing all day. 😂

Runki · 25/09/2024 05:42

VikingBirdDoingYoga · 24/09/2024 19:00

My two sons (when teenaged) were larking around loudly in a busy supermarket car park. Eldest DS was teasing younger DS, who meant to say ‘I’ll kick your arse - or - I’ll wipe the floor with you’ … ended up yelling I’LL WIPE YOUR ARSE at the top of his lungs 😂. They’re in their thirties now and still chuckle about this … 😁

Oh Lord. Ha ha ha ha!!!!! 😂 I'll wipe your arse! So so funny!

Runki · 25/09/2024 05:50

Thought of another one. I was in Matalan and had gone for a rare trip out alone when my eldest son was a baby. Baby was with my husband at home. Husband had to go to work that afternoon so I knew I had to get home soon to take over so that he could go to work. I was at the till and worrying a bit about being late back as the queue had been quite long. Paid for my stuff and the young man behind the till asked me if I wanted to buy some raffle tickets for a fundraising thing they were doing. I got all flustered and said, "Sorry, I'd love to, and normally would if I had more time, but I'm in a hurry because I've got to rush home and RELIEVE MY HUSBAND." Still makes me cringe. 😂

Cel119 · 25/09/2024 06:01

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TheArtOfTreeHugging · 25/09/2024 06:34

God this happened to me the other day. Met with a friend that I've only just recently made, and we brought our kids along fir the first time. Her DD said something funny and I meant to say:
"You're a funny girl!"
but what came out was:
"You're a daft git!" 😱😱😱

She's a little girl of 6 yrs old. Why the fuck would my brain do that to me?!

Wouldn't be surprised if this friendship is over before it even began.

OopsyDaisie · 25/09/2024 06:37

Choosenandenough · 23/09/2024 20:01

The worst thing I have ever said… and I still cannot get over it to this day and it was 16 years ago was when I went into a super posh deli with my 5 year old son and his friend who was coming for a movie night and sleepover and as I was buying goodies for the snacks I asked the chap behind the counter where the popcorn was but instead of saying popcorn I said cock porn! I still cannot even … I just can’t even think of it!

Omg I'm rolling with laughter!
Did he guide you to the right shop? Or perhaps an online site?

Cel119 · 25/09/2024 06:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Choosenandenough · 25/09/2024 06:46

OopsyDaisie · 25/09/2024 06:37

Omg I'm rolling with laughter!
Did he guide you to the right shop? Or perhaps an online site?

Show quote history

😂 I can still feel my hands tingling with fear thinking about it all these years later. I felt like a deer in the headlights! I just stood there said eh popcorn popcorn… oh it was terrible! My ears were ringing and everything. He didn’t even flinch. I just bumbled off to the back of the shop, faffed, went to a different check out and left
without it 😂

rainydogday · 25/09/2024 07:01

I used to work at Waitrose (25 years ago) when I was 16. When it was Christmas the queues were so long and working on the checkouts were relentless. I often used to smile and say "thank you, good bye' when I should been saying hello and greeting the customer. Brain totally fried.

Cel119 · 25/09/2024 07:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

OopsyDaisie · 25/09/2024 07:32

Love this thread, but I think it affected my brain like the PM and his sausages...( he must have been reading this thread)...
Just got to work now and Head of Finance plus Finance Mngr were working next to each other, I come in and jokingly said something to the head of Finance and we laugh, and I say "well but X doesn't think so" (supposedly X being the manager). Only that's another colleague's name, not his... he blankly stares at je and says what? Head of Finance is laughing under his breath looking at me and I wanted to hide!!!