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Original poster

So embarrassed I wanted to die.

914 replies

Katkins17 · 23/09/2024 18:07

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

OP posts:
Scentedjasmin · 24/09/2024 21:56

Still, it could have been worse OP. At least you didn't stand on a global platform and appeal for the return of the sausages! 🌭🌭

YorkshireRose80 · 24/09/2024 22:06

In a meeting with manager, randomly talking about Suffolk. I was meant to say, "Corton and Gunton"...

Instead, I blurted another three words, "Gorton and.... "

You know the rest. 😂

mealienpleasehelp · 24/09/2024 22:09

tillytoodles1 · 23/09/2024 19:46

I was in a rush to buy some paint for the ceiling. I met my neighbour and meant to say I was in a rush because I wanted to get another coat of paint on the ceiling before it got dark. I actually told her I was going to B&Q for a cunt.

Edited

😂🤣
This reminds me of a time I text my neighbour to suggest we get a cleaner for our communal hallway. I've no idea how my phone came up with this, completely without me noticing until after I'd sent it, but the text she got was:

'What do you think about getting a wanker for the hallway?'.

ThisLemonAnt · 24/09/2024 22:10

Peanuts2000 · 24/09/2024 21:27

I'm definitely peri menopausal, have recently called a colleague by her previous married name which is also a female name (think something like Joyce).
She was not happy at all, especially as it was an acrimonious split. I have no idea why I done it!! It just came out of nowhere!

Oh god - I’ve done that before. My sister’s mother in law and step mother in law have names that start with the same letter. After a long drive and not seeing the MIL for many years, I walked in, gave her a hug and greeted her by the step mother’s first name. She immediately withdrew from the hug, looked at me horrified and hasn’t been all that friendly with me since…

Silvertulips · 24/09/2024 22:11

'What do you think about getting a wanker for the hallway?'

Defiantly no thank you! But there’s a huge selection of people I could recommend.

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 24/09/2024 22:17

Fairysteps11 · 23/09/2024 19:35

Not spoken but dp and I were in the garden, one of the dogs had pooed and I picked it up in a bag. Dp was stood next to the bin and held out his hand, to put the dog poo bag in the bin.

For some reason unknown to anyone, I just put the poo in my dp hand and kept the bag over mine.
He stood there for what felt like a really long time with his mouth open and flicking his eyes between his dog poo filled hand and me.
The only thing I could say "I thought you wanted the poo."
That is one story he tells everyone...

Oh dear god. I just almost made myself sick laughing. I'm wheezing and doing little farts.

Brilliant.
Had a proper shit couple of days and this thread has really cheered me up

OnMNonatreadmill · 24/09/2024 22:19

Hoppinggreen · 23/09/2024 18:51

I often help with wildlife rescue and had been asked to take a Hedgehog, I needed some food for it so went to Pets at home. A store employer came to ask me if I needed any help and I launched into a whole thing about how we had rescued this animal but that we did eventually hope to release it into the wild and how I had popped in for food but I knew that the store wouldn't have any experience of this animal because they only lived in the wild etc etc. I think I said we were going to feed it cat food.
However, I must have been having a moment because I kept saying "Hamster" and we standing right next to a whole load of Hamsters.
I may even have mentioned their spikes at one point.
I didn't even realise, although I thought the store emplyer was being a bit weird until we got outside and DD started laughing and told me what i had said

Omg so funny 🤣 🤣

BrutusMcDogface · 24/09/2024 22:20

AguaLavanda · 23/09/2024 18:37

Manager: "Hey, alright if I borrow your stapler?"

Me: (thinking) "go ahead/work away". (actually say) "go away"

😂😂😂

AutumnalNights · 24/09/2024 22:21

When I was 15 I did work experience at a nursery. I was very overwhelmed and shy.
I was sat next to a 3 month baby and one of the staff said 'See if Freya wants a bottle' so I turned to the baby and said 'Freya, Would you like a bottle now ?" For one moment expecting her to answer me. I still cringe at that.

Takeoutthegluten · 24/09/2024 22:22

Scentedjasmin · 24/09/2024 21:56

Still, it could have been worse OP. At least you didn't stand on a global platform and appeal for the return of the sausages! 🌭🌭

i know he was speaking about an important matter but I keep randomly getting the giggles about the sausages 😂 dh keeps asking why I’m laughing and I don’t even know why I found it that funny??!!

HenFenywFach · 24/09/2024 22:22

My mother in law used to be a press officer for a well known communications company and in the 80s was overseeing a big corporate event. Bucks Fizz were performing and she was so nervous she announced them on the stage as Fucks Bizz!!

Thistooshallpass24 · 24/09/2024 22:27

Years ago I worked retail, Christmas time, really busy, same Michael Bublé songs on repeat, queue snaking out the door I'm on tills I'm meant to "call you forward" to my till great you "merrily" asking you found everything, try and upsell you some random shite and a store card(got bollocked if you didn't) instead of calling "next please till four" I shouted "you there, Bublé "

PollyOrange · 24/09/2024 22:27

DareDevil223 · 23/09/2024 19:03

I once whipped the door open to the Waitrose delivery guy before he had the chance to press the doorbell. He jumped back startled, so for some reason known only to myself I decided to do extravagant "jazz hands" and yell "SURPRISE!!!!!" at the top of my voice.

Absolutely mortifying Smile

This properly tickled me !

Wren77 · 24/09/2024 22:27

When I was a teenager I had a friend who turned up to out get together wearing a really funky jump suit with aliens and planets and space ships. It was quite a statement and she looked great and I meant to say something witty like 'you look out of this world' but what actually came out was 'what on earth are you wearing?' She responded 'What on earth are YOU wearing?' and stormed off (unsurprisingly!!) 🫣🫣🫣🫣

RudySundays · 24/09/2024 22:36

When I worked in a supermarket as a teenager I was very hungover and said “love you!” to a male customer instead of thank you, as I was handing his change over. In front of a whole queue of people on a busy Sunday.. wanted the ground to swallow me up 🤣 I also used to be in charge of the lottery tickets every Saturday and would constantly say lucky dick instead of lucky dip when serving customers! No idea why, I’d do it alllll the time and my super strict boss couldn’t even laugh about it which made me feel even worse 🤣

WhyDoesNothingWorkj · 24/09/2024 22:37

Bananasatchristmas · 24/09/2024 11:45

Still cringing 10 years on... so I freelanced in my home office - one day I had an important client round for a meeting to discuss a way forward with a project we were doing. As I was waiting for him I did some research on him and his business, I noticed his home address. It's a lovely street in our local town so I popped onto google maps and had a good old gawp (blown up nice and large) on Street View. Curiosity satisfied I put the open screen down in my dock and met the client - half way during the meeting we have to look something up online. The browser pops up and there is his house, which couldnt actually be any bigger on a 32" monitor. So of course, rather than do anything like a functioning adult, I just let us both look at it for around 10 seconds in silence, then in true stalker style I hurriedly shut it down without any word. Neve spoken of then or since.
Urgh.

This reminds me of a very funny similar tale I read on here - I think it was something like this - a hot new guy had started in the office, poster had similarly googled his address on some map app and as he was settling down to his desk first day her computer proudly announced to the office it was giving driving directions from work to his address and proceeded to narrate said directions.

Mayana1 · 24/09/2024 22:39

Fingeronthebutton · 23/09/2024 20:00

On a coach tour we had a couple that were late back onboard every single time we stopped.
On one stop the driver was counting heads as per and announced we were 2 people short.
up pipes me the usual suspects
Up pipes them no, we’re here

That's like what happened to me, but I didn't do it, I was pointed out :-)
I speak very loudly since I can remember, I think my whole family does.
So my school mates were aware of that. We were having an exam and half of the class were writing an exam and other half were waiting outside for their turn. They were very loud. So one of my class mates said: 'Ohhh, they are so loud.' And the other one said:' Must been XY'. And I said:'I'm actually here!' She was like- Ohhh so sorry, I assumed it was you' 🤣

RudySundays · 24/09/2024 22:42

Also just remembered, in the same supermarket I served a boy who was a similar age to me at the time (about 18/19 yo) and he was buying 2 bouquets of flowers to which I said “2 bouquets? What have you done, you must really be in trouble” to which he replied “they’re for the cemetery” 😭 kill me, no idea how I wasn’t sacked tbh

Elciekay · 24/09/2024 22:51

MonsteraMama · 23/09/2024 18:32

I've read this tweet before.

This one is still my favourite "accidentally combining two phrases" story though:

I am crying with laughter at this. Thank you for bringing this into my life.

Mayana1 · 24/09/2024 22:55

Shannith · 23/09/2024 20:15

Oh god I do that Every. Single. Time. I mean I know somewhere in the dark recesses of my brain the right ones. I grew up watching Juliet Bravo for gos sake.

Yesterday describing a post code... B for... confidently... banana. D for... long pause this time... donkey.

The person on the phone repeated back without missing a beat so B for.. bravo, D for delta.

F for fuck

Show quote history

I get you!!! When I first moved to UK I had problems spelling my surname phonetically. So I literally wrote down my name and surname and as I didn't know what they stand for I just made it out (E for Edinburgh, O for Oregon 🤣😅🤣) I was not able to spell my surname unless it was written down. Then soon I started working on Heathrow and had to know it, so I learned it all. 9 years into I can do it in the middle of the night like a pro. So proud of myself. 🤣

Eskimalita · 24/09/2024 22:58

Work conference day. Don’t much like public speaking. Lots of activities and presentations. Sat in a meeting room all bloomin day. There were lots of bowls of food and nibbles everywhere that people had brought with them.
i knew it was nearly my time to present and I was nervous. Steve offered me a bowl of mixed nuts and I automatically took a handful due to fidgety nerves.
when the speaker before me finished quickly and I was called up to present I was still trying to chew and digest them.
first thing I said when my slides popped up on the screen and everybody’s attention was turned to me…
“sorry, I’m still chewing. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten Steve’s nuts when he offered them.”

xmaswiththeinlaws · 24/09/2024 23:01

I once went into a shop and asked for a kilo of pears in another language, unfortunately I mispronounced it and realised when the shop assistant gave me a horrified state. Apparently I had asked for a kilo of fannies.

chicken2015 · 24/09/2024 23:10

When I worked behind the till in supermarket I would shout next please regularly, this one time I shouted 'THERE'S YOUR CHANGE' at that the customer I had in front of me! Very embarrassing!

AutumnalNights · 24/09/2024 23:11

Also I was round a colleagues house. I thought he would be alone but the whole family were there with him and I felt out of place and uncomfortable.
As I went to leave, his brother said "Good to see you.'
I replied with 'That's alright.'

tolerable · 24/09/2024 23:12

oh.oops.i went of at tangents(not new)...hevy previous of fuck ups
if wuddled up mords///i bounced in chemist at junkie que oclock...allegedly(did)roared "can i have some crystal meths please" could barely breath,or her-all way to labrynthistus ...cos wife said "no.you cant"ages later discovered is NOT mentlated crytals.who knew