So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

OMG this has absolutely tickled me 😂

These are making me chuckle! I keep remembering more inappropriate things I've said.........I had a gynae consultation, and was answering questions. When I told her something, she replied, " I don't think that you have a prolapse do you?"
I blurted out, " no, I don't think I have a big red bottom like a baboon."
Then when being examined I said to her,
"you would tell me if I looked like a baboon, wouldn't you?"
Gynaecologist laughed! I don't suppose many woman have a Gynaecologist laughing when studying their ladies bottom.

I have two.

I flip flop between signing emails with “best wishes” and “kind regards”. However, in an email to an estate agent, I signed off with “best kisses” as some awful hybrid of both.

I once wanted a group of teenagers doing an activity to take off their jackets. In my head I said “Please can you all take off any outdoor clothes”. My mouth said “Please take off all your clothes”. We did not do much learning that day…

Just a few weeks ago I ordered a large barbecue for my husband's birthday. I arranged delivery the day before his birthday but then received an email to say it was going to be delivered the next day. This was quite convenient because my husband would be working in the office that day so I cleared a space at the back of the garage and a path through all the garage crap, thinking I could hide it away.

When the delivery driver arrived I saw him deliver to someone up the road and waited outside to direct him to park right outside the garage. I told him I'd moved the car specially, had cleared a space so he could put it right at the back out of sight, suggested he might want to use our trolley because it was so heavy, explained it was a birthday present so I wanted to hide it behind other big items in the garage etc. He looked a little confused, went to the back of his van and handed me a small, light package of the BBQ cover I'd also ordered.

The BBQ was delivered on the day I'd requested, luckily by a different driver.

I'm sat on the toilet with some rotten bowel movements at the moment, so some of these have literally made me shit myself laughing. Thanks all!

🤣🤣🤣

That's hysterical 🤣

About 16 years ago when first dc was at preschool, I had a phone interview for a part time job. I was so nervous. Thought it went well but at the end of the call I brain farted when they said “thank you, goodbye” I said “thank you, hello”

Why??

My daughter was telling us the other day how that when she went to see Coldplay they gave blind people vibrating breasts. She meant vests 😂

One I read on Twitter. Someone working on the tills in a clothes shop during Christmas was so stressed that instead of shouting “NEXT PLEASE” to the next customer in the queue shouted “DO YOU WANT A BAG?” 😆😆

This thread is amazing!

A colleague send an email to HR, cc'ing me in, advising that he needed to go home to sort out a leaking problem with his upstairs neighbour. Only he didn't say leaking, he said he had a licking problem with his upstairs neighbour. When we saw the typo none of us could stop laughing.

Hoppinggreen · Yesterday 18:26

I responed to "Hello" from a neighbour with a cheery "great" for some reason.

I horrifically have not only done this once🙈😅😅😅

My friends dog died and I tried to say 'I'm sorry for your loss he was such a lovely dog' ......
But actually said 'I'm sorry for your loss he was such a sexy dog'
Wtf!?!?
Mortifying.

Mine is..

I was on holiday in France. First time I'd been to France, I have v. basic GCSE French knowledge from over 20 years ago. A gorgeous man walked past me in the street and feeling brave, I said a very confident 'Merci!' to him instead of 'Bonjour'. I died a death right there.

I'm definitely peri menopausal, have recently called a colleague by her previous married name which is also a female name (think something like Joyce).
She was not happy at all, especially as it was an acrimonious split. I have no idea why I done it!! It just came out of nowhere!

Cripes! 😀😁😂

Ha ha ha ha
I hope you moved 😂🤣😱
To a different planet

A guy who worked for us had a very long and meaningful relationship which ended sadly for him when the girl went to uni.
He met another girl eventually and a couple of years later we were invited to their wedding, as was former girlfriend.
As we were leaving we saw the newlyweds talking to a few friends so quickly popped over to say goodbye etc. I inadvertently called the new wife by the old girlfriend's name..we all smiled and laughed but it was mortifying. I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid then of course tried to backtrack and dig myself out of the hole which prolonged the agony.

You should have heard the strangled squawk I made when I read that 😂😂

This is not a thing I said but I have accidentally shown my lady garden to everyone waiting at the school gates.

No knickers/gust of wind/skirt above head/eternal regret.

That could almost be a Haiku named SHAME

Most likely this will be the last thought in my head as I replay my life whilst I shuffle from this mortal coil.

This really made me laugh so much, I'm crying 🤣

At university was given the chance to pitch something to a BBC exec. The words "diverse career" was what I was aiming for, the word "diarrhoea" is what actually came out. Mortified. Needless to say that pitch went nowhere

I’ve said ‘oh-ak’ down the phone once, instead of okay!! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Try having nervous ticks. Used by FND and telling a police officer to "Fuck a Tit Wank"

Last year I was having a horse delivered, the transporter rang to say my new arrival was 10 mins away, as the convasation ended I said ..." OK,LOVE YOU BYE" I got off the fone realised what I said, I was immediately mortified 🤣he turned up ten mins later and we had a good laugh about it and as he went I said it again for a laugh, made his day I think!