So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

I was having my hair cut and my hairdresser was telling me about his recent 60th birthday party.
“Oh!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t know you are 60!” To which he gave me an appreciative peck on the cheek.
Then I ruined it by saying “I thought you were older!”

Why did you say 'Thank you' and then try to say 'You're welcome'. I mean, if you're going to make up a story it needs to make sense.

He's clearly been reading 1066 And All That. Funny in the book, horrific in real life.

I was discussing first aid training with my colleagues and the techniques we had previously been taught to rouse unconscious individuals. I asked whether we still used the "sternum rub", however it came out as scrotum rub!!

A few months ago, I had just driven off the drive and saw my youngest son walking towards home. I pulled over and wound the window down, leaning across the driver's seat. My son stuck his head in the car window. I grinned and said "hello darling." Then, "Oh sorry, i thought you were my son." The boy/young man replied, "no, I'm not your son." I said "I know you're not." I drove off leaving the stranger confused. 😂

When my son was a baby I was very sleep deprived and was talking to the health visitor at our weekly weigh in.
My son had a patch of dry skin on his eyebrow/forehead so I thought I asked her about my son's dry skin on his forehead. It was only when she asked me to remove his nappy and started inspecting his genitals that I realised I'd asked her to look at his dry foreskin!

After giving birth to my second son, I asked the doctor who was sewing me up, if he had his finger up my bottom? He just said "no."

Mum worked in a used car dealers and when it was an office birthday once and they had treats she took a call asking if they had vans for sale. She said no they only sold second hand cakes.

That would definitely rise s o m e t h i n g.

Not me, but a colleague of mine was chatting to a customer who was buying more than she had intended to. Colleague wanted to say something like "go on, stop worrying, you only live once. Treat yourself," instead, she told the lady, "go on, stop living." They both laughed it off, thankfully.

My MIL told me she was once invited to a neighbour’s garden party, loved flowers and wanted to make good impression so exclaimed loudly “Oh! I do like your clitoris!”
😂Never again!
She wishes she’d pointed at the plant climbing up the side of their house.
but that might have looked like a hopeful suggestion towards their bedroom window!🪟
oh how these things can get worse when you wish to make them better!

I was having my annual gynae exam and the doc inserted the ultrasound wand just as the image of my innards came up on the screen beside me.
Oh I love this!! said I, meaning the pictures not the massive wand.

Just sharing this thread with my DH.

When he was 19 he walked into a deli and when the waitress came over she asked what he wanted, but he heard "how are you today, what can I get you"

His brain got confused and instead of saying "I'm fine thankyou can I have a ham salad baguette" he just "I'm a ham baguette"

😂actually dying here!

'Congratulations'.......at a funeral.

My DD, who was visually impaired, wss with me at a museum, She was about 6 year’s old and very small. She was very keen to see a dinosaur so she stared squeezing past the adults shouting “stand aside, I am partially excited!”

I didn't say it, but it was a chain message on FB. I thought it was good to share it with like so many FB friends. It was a link to website, which was fine, but above it was text I didn't notice, saying: 'Share it for me, please. Luv you!'
I didn't even notice until my husband to be texted me: who was that msg for? Why did you say 'luv you' to my dad?

And I would normally put 'love', when I mean to write it, never 'luv'!!!
It was so embarrasing, didn't even check who I sent it too, as I was mortified enough!'

But worst happened to my cousin-in-law, he received a message-' it's a world's chocolate day! Enjoy the chocolate'... -With a pic of chocolate bar. Without checking it fully, he forwarded it to his mom, other family members and even some business partners. Unfortunately for him, next pic was a black willy coming out of that chocolate bar cover!!!! Imagine a strict Indian mother getting a message like that!!! And his business partners!!! He was apologising for hours!!!

A lot of things on this thread have had me laughing out loud but I am crying at this one 🤣

My mum stopped in the street to say hello to her new neighbours a few doors down and as she was thinking about going she was wanting to say ‘good luck, I hope you’ll be happy in your new home’ but her mouth couldn’t be bothered with all that and just said ‘happy luck’

If she gave you the receipt why would you say you’re welcome or no problem? Surely you’d say thank you?!

I was introducing my husband, called Tom, to a colleague of mine, also called Tom.

I meant to say "Hi Tom, this is my husband, he's another Tom!"

Instead, I said "Hi Tom! Meet my other husband, Tom".

My father was going to a respected a lovely clients funeral, when my dad said “I’m going now, good buy”
My face was on board with a look of solemn concern, as was my tone but my brain derailed and said “Goodbye, have fun” 😬
He took point to tell this (then) 30year old daughter not to make fun!
So mortified.

Oh that’s beautiful 😂 thank you ☺️

Not so funny but back when Silver Service Waitressing and trying to seam competent and confident in first weeks I entered the kitchen with another order “Beggs and Aching Please!”
the cook nearly wet himself laughing while I just stood there🫣

Another hideous one from me

Was working in the VAT office in the late 90s. Part of my job was to bag up some cash every afternoon for the securicor guy to collect at 3pm

We'd always have a polite chit chat but this particular afternoon he said ' ooh do you live in <insert village name?> I saw you there last night!'

Yes I said! I do!

Brief few sentences and he says ' do you know Claire Norris?'

Hmm. I gave this some thought and said ' yes. Yes I think I do actually! Quite fat with a big nose?'

Yep. You've guessed it. It was his wife ....

Restaurant in France and asked for the bill. Got Italian mixed up with French and asked for Le Con. Lucky not to be thrown out.