Page 19 | So embarrassed I wanted to die.

Katkins17 · 2024-09-23T17:07:21+00:00

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ... 'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM' I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind. What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

ChampagneLassie · 24/09/2024 03:29

ClosingTheDoorOnThePast · 23/09/2024 23:56

Feeling a bit of a fraud in my new job I had to go to a senior level meeting which I was really stressing about. My new director was, I thought, going to introduce me but instead he asked me to introduce myself. I went completely blank and couldn't remember my name so just said "<Surname>" followed by a pause then said "<Surname>, my name is <Surname>. <Firstname> <Surname>" like some stupid James Bond wannabe. After the meeting he sat me down and suggested I might like to plan in advance what to say when I introduced myself at future meetings 😳

This is brilliant 🤣

TypingoftheDead · 24/09/2024 03:32

ShittyTitty · 23/09/2024 22:17

Went to the docs last year with a burst ear drum. He asked me a bunch of questions about the pain, other symptoms of the illness and then asked me which year it was.

I proudly replied '2023', thinking, what a bizarre question but I am fucking nailing this.

He looked very confused, then leaned right forward and said WHICH EAR IS IT?

Reminds me of a funny greetings card - a man in a doctors office bending over with his trousers down, the doctor says “yes, very impressive but I said I wanted to hear your heart!”

DisenchantedOwl · 24/09/2024 03:53

SpidersAreShitheads · 23/09/2024 19:32

Oh god, just remembered another one.

I was in Smyths right at the end of the day near Christmas. The cashier was a really young girl and she was telling me that she was having a rough time and struggling badly with anxiety on that day.

I wanted to let her know that having a bad day doesn't mean that tomorrow will be bad too, and that each day you can start afresh and it might be a better day.

What I actually said to her was "Anxiety is awful, but the thing to remember is that things can always get much worse."

And then with that, I just left because I couldn't get my mouth to figure out what I meant to say instead 🤦🏻‍♀️

Omg. My eyes are streaming from laughing!! As someone with multiple anxiety disorders, this would have cracked me up had you said this to me and probably lightened by day!

Dunnoburt · 24/09/2024 04:24

I still get mortified by this one every so often.....was working in my first job about 17 years old and my boss's wife was terminally ill with cancer. My bosses daughter phoned to say that her mum/wife had died and the very first thing I said was "ah you're joking"......... that was about 20 years ago now and still bothers me!

BoomBoom70 · 24/09/2024 04:29

I got a very helpful young man offer to help me as I sat down with baby and lots of bags. He was soon mortified to discover I was sitting down to breastfeed so no, I would not need his help, thank you. 🤣

Ghost92 · 24/09/2024 04:58

Years ago I used to work in a shop, it was Christmas Eve and I was wishing everyone I served a ‘Merry Christmas’.
Expect for one person - ‘Merry Birthday’ came out 🤣 I still cringe when I think of it.
And another - not me but my mum this time. She used to deliver Avon around our street and I used to walk around with her sometimes to keep her company. She was chatting at the door to a guy who lived 2 doors up from us and as she said goodbye and started walking down his steps she said, ‘Okay, love you, bye!’ 🤣🤣
The bloke just said, ‘Okay, bye . . .’ and my poor mum joined up with me, totally oblivious to what she had said! She was mortified when (through tears of laughter) I told her - we still reference it now and it must have been a good 16 - 16 years ago!

flapjackfairy · 24/09/2024 05:21

Charleyarleyfarley · 23/09/2024 20:05

Possibly worst of all (for me) - friends grandparent had died and she was devastated. I knew GP too so was invited to the funeral. Saw the friend a few days before for a few drinks and as I was getting in a taxi to leave said “see on Wednesday… can’t wait!”

that made me laugh and reminded me of a friends husband who offered to make the plate of sandwiches they had been asked to take to a wake. ( kind of a potluck thing as family were struggling for money).
My friend was meeting him there as she had to work beforehand and when it was time to.get the sandwiches out of the car she was mortified to see that , having chosen the biggest plate he could find, the sandwiches were arranged on a Halloween plate with black skulls all round the rim. I still laugh everytime I think.of it.

flapjackfairy · 24/09/2024 05:34

OaTheonlyway · 23/09/2024 21:50

My FIL opened the front door to someone who asked if he was the homeowner. He replied “yes, I am the homeowner but unfortunately I’m not in at the moment” 🫣
It confused us all; the person at the door clearly didn’t know what to make of it and said “ok, I’ll come back later when you’re home” !!!

I am propper cracking up at this one. Brilliant.

areallmotherslikethis · 24/09/2024 05:41

DareDevil223 · 23/09/2024 19:03

I once whipped the door open to the Waitrose delivery guy before he had the chance to press the doorbell. He jumped back startled, so for some reason known only to myself I decided to do extravagant "jazz hands" and yell "SURPRISE!!!!!" at the top of my voice.

Absolutely mortifying

JAZZ HANDS 😂😂😂

AubrieDog · 24/09/2024 07:05

TwinklyOliveStork · 23/09/2024 22:59

When I was 16 I worked in a shop, busy serving on the till a lady came and asked if we sold Brasso. I directed her while I was serving and said if she couldn't find it I will be there in a minute.
She was struggling, I went up to help her, she said (what I heard) 'oh thank you, I put some in my mums coffee'...my response 'oh god, is she ok?'...a really shocked and confused response of 'no she's dead'.....my confused response 'I'm so sorry, did you say you put some in your mums coffee'... 'no, I said I need it to clean my mums coffin'. I wanted to crawl... As she actually heard 'I need it to clean my mums coffin' ... 'Oh god is she OK?'
Didn't even know cleaning a coffin was a thing.

Also ID'd a 13 year old for a bottle of olive oil. Think retail is pleased I left it.

The Sainsbury's delivery driver asked me for id for a bottle of Rock blackcurrant squash once because he thought it was a bottle of wine. It was during the early covid lockdown, I was masked and keeping distanced. At the time, I was 56...😆

idrinkandknowthings · 24/09/2024 07:34

After work one evening I got in the bath. My DH hadn't arrived home yet. After some relaxation there was a knock on the door and thinking to myself 'he must have forgotten his key', I heaved my wet body out of the bath, wrapped myself in a towel and went down to let him in.

As I opened the door, I wrapped my still wet leg round the door and purred 'dya fancy a bit of this'?

Readers, it wasn't my husband. No, it was the actual MP for our constituency, canvassing and handing out leaflets. He thrust his leaflet at me and went on his way, probably wondering why he became a politician at all.

He is now, since July, a Secretary of State and is on the telly quite often whereupon the feeling of cringe wash over me again and again.

Goatymum · 24/09/2024 07:35

Justshootmenowquickly · 23/09/2024 23:38

I once said to an acquaintance as I was leaving an event: ‘Goodbye. It’s been lovely seeing you. It’s been great’ - we were attending a funeral. I was mortified.

I’ve just been to a funeral and saw some people I hadn’t seen for ages (mainly ex colleagues) and it was genuinely really nice to see them, but I really had to remind my brain to be very somber in my greetings. It’s not easy, but I just about managed it.

OaTheonlyway · 24/09/2024 07:35

A long time ago, when the post used to come at the same time every day (remember those days?!), my grandma was put out because the post had been somewhat erratic that week. She ended up blurting out to us that “the postman has been very erotic this week” 🤣

Jk987 · 24/09/2024 07:35

Love this thread! 😂😂😂😂

mutleyschuckle · 24/09/2024 07:47

I was in bhs with my parents as a teen, we used to regularly watch the fast show together. I thought it would be a great idea to turn round to my mum & so my best Johnny the artist impression. I wailed "the gulls- they've plucked out my eyes!!!!!" & dramatically fell to my knees while clutching my face. I could hear my mum laughing behind me- that wasn't right. She was meant to be the other way around. Nope. I'd terrified a poor older lady out doing her Christmas shopping. Bless she stood there looking so shocked while I tried to apologise while laughing then ran

Curiosityaintgotmeyet · 24/09/2024 07:50

Oh noooooo!!!

I was a teenager when I was trying to say somewhere between 'no thank you' and 'thats okay' but ended up saying 'no then...okay' in what sounded like a snarky teenage voice. I knew It sounded rude but my brain went into panic and I couldn't think how to fix It so I just left. It was to my friends mum who was just a lush human. She did that thing where your eyebrows raise and your head goes backwards when you're surprised.

Know it's not the worst thing but I am an incredibly polite person and this still makes me cringe 25 years later!

ThatAgileLimeCat · 24/09/2024 08:07

What my boss meant to say in a board meeting
"some of these assumptions are a bit finger in the air"

What she said
”some of this is a bit er finger up the bum"

minou123 · 24/09/2024 08:13

idrinkandknowthings · 24/09/2024 07:34

After work one evening I got in the bath. My DH hadn't arrived home yet. After some relaxation there was a knock on the door and thinking to myself 'he must have forgotten his key', I heaved my wet body out of the bath, wrapped myself in a towel and went down to let him in.

As I opened the door, I wrapped my still wet leg round the door and purred 'dya fancy a bit of this'?

Readers, it wasn't my husband. No, it was the actual MP for our constituency, canvassing and handing out leaflets. He thrust his leaflet at me and went on his way, probably wondering why he became a politician at all.

He is now, since July, a Secretary of State and is on the telly quite often whereupon the feeling of cringe wash over me again and again.

That is brilliant.😁

I do feel for you, but I can't help but laugh.
Can you imagine if the MP had press following him around? You'd be on the front page of the Daily Star 😂😂

OldTinHat · 24/09/2024 08:14

Years ago, I treated my then teenage DC to a Burger King. Youngest said that their science teacher was there and waved in the general direction of a chap on his own. Said chap joined us at the counter and I thanked him for being so helpful with DC and for the books he'd loaned. The guy was nodding and smiling and saying it wasn't a problem.

We got our food and sat down.

DC asked what was I thinking because the guy I'd been talking to was absolutely NOT his teacher and his teacher was, in fact, sat on the table next to the guy who came up to the counter.

idrinkandknowthings · 24/09/2024 08:43

@minou123 Christ I'd have been given a nickname by the press and everything!

Hotsweatymumsspagetti · 24/09/2024 08:45

Sainsburys delivery with a new born and had only just signed up. Baby had done a massive explosion poo so took them upstairs to get washed / changed.

Sainsburys man arrived and I didn’t answer the door or hear it so they called my mobile. I said I’m so sorry I will be down in 1 minute I’m just covered in poo.

Didn’t think much of it until I opened the door and he helped bring my shopping in. As he walked past said baby he said “oh that makes more sense”

Yep I forgot he didn’t know me, had no context and I told him I was covered in poo 🤣😂

moonlight1705 · 24/09/2024 08:47

I started a new job and had to sort out a bit of an IT issue. Work has a chat function with IT to help so I typed it all out and was getting some answers back which didn't help.

The guy then typed 'I need a GIN' to which i replied 'I'm not sure the problem is that bad'

He kindly informed me that he was after the Global Identifier Number of the machine and he would probably wait until the evening for any drinks 😫

minou123 · 24/09/2024 08:58

idrinkandknowthings · 24/09/2024 08:43

@minou123 Christ I'd have been given a nickname by the press and everything!

How about: The leggy lady with seductive limbs

😂😂

idrinkandknowthings · 24/09/2024 09:05

How about: The leggy lady with seductive limbs

😂😂

@minou123

A picture of said MP with the headline of 'like a limb to the slaughter'!

Boomerma1969 · 24/09/2024 09:10

katseyes7 · 23/09/2024 23:20

My ex husband and l's first house was a Victorian terrace.
It desperately needed a new kitchen, so we got someone out from a local kitchen firm to plan one for us. I took the guy out to the kitchen, had a chat about drawers, larder unit, where l wanted the hob and oven, etc.
He gets all his paperwork and brochures out, and a tape measure (this was the days before laser measures, etc).
I'm standing there chatting away, looking at the brochures, while he's measuring and making notes, and he starts to measure the longest bit of worktop.
So, thinking l'm being helpful, I say "Would you like a hand?"
And then l notice one of his hands is small, and not fully formed. I could have DIED on the spot.
Poor man. I couldn't look at him after that.
We did use his firm, though, and he did an amazing kitchen plan for us.

I'm howling with laughter 🤣🤣🖐🖐