So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

I don’t think I could ever live this down 😂

I was teaching ratio to a class. The problem involved sharing/splitting money. I asked them ‘how much money am I shitting’ 😂

I rang school when my daughter was sick to inform them she would be out of the office that day! In my defense, I was multitasking and trying to set my out of office at the same time as leaving the message.

Posted this on another thread but here’s my embarrassing story :
I had just moved towns and was going to a wedding so decided to treat myself to a spray tan , I’d never had one before . The beautician told me to remove my clothes and passed me a paper like hat to put on and said she’d be back in 5 minutes . I got fully naked and put my hat on . It’s even had holes for your ears .
Beautician knocked on door and asked if I was ready . I was stood there naked with my hat on and she burst out laughing . It wasn’t a hat I was wearing it was paper knickers . Put me off spray tans for life !

So funny. Something similar happened to me when I was a teenager and it still makes me cringe.

I was walking past a group of teenage boys I didn’t know and there wasn’t much room on the path for me to get past. I went to say ‘please let me past’ and ‘excuse me’ and my brain got confused and loudly said ‘ex-squeeze-me’. They moved to the side while giving each other quizzical glances then shouted ‘which one of us do you want to squeeze you?’ as I walked away with my face on fire. 🔥 😂

Ahhh! I get it now. Just couldn’t work it out in my head 😂

I once got my bag zip stuck in the basket at my local Waitrose (no less). Was also babywearing at the time and had attached the bag UNDER the baby so was well and truly stuck.

(the zip part was the bit the pull part sits in. It has a tiny gap that must have been pushing against the basket wire as it got heavier)
In the end had to walkie talkie for someone to help me break my bag (they tried everything beforehand). Everyone was watching and it was mortifying. I was almost begging them to just break the bag by the end. They were so reticent to. 🤦‍♀️😂

😂

When you want crispy duck and asked for crusty dick instead !

😂Brilliant thread! Hope it makes Classics!

A few years ago I went for a job interview- I hate interviews so am always really nervous. We did the interview and I did a test which I know I wasn’t good at, but everyone was pleasant so it wasn’t awful. When it came to the end of the afternoon I was very polite and instead of saying ‘goodbye, it’s been great meeting you.’ I shook the interviewees hand and came out with ‘hello…’ oh dear, obviously I didn’t get the role. More mortifyingly, the premises were literally 5 mins from my house and I occasionally saw the panel members out and about - obviously I blanked them as it was just too cringe to even attempt acknowledgement.

Husband had been tending to the lawn one Saturday afternoon and then spent a couple of hours sitting in the garden.

At a party later, mainly his friends, he’s talking about his day and he turned to me and said ‘what was I doing in the garden earlier?’ And instead of saying sitting, I said ‘shitting’ He looked gob snacked and I imagined him squatting on the lawn!

We still laugh out loud.

My FIL opened the front door to someone who asked if he was the homeowner. He replied “yes, I am the homeowner but unfortunately I’m not in at the moment” 🫣
It confused us all; the person at the door clearly didn’t know what to make of it and said “ok, I’ll come back later when you’re home” !!!

I don’t understand this OP. Why would you be saying no problem/you’re welcome?

You thanked the cashier for the receipt. She would be the one saying no problem/you’re welcome. So…. Why would you say, “thank you, your welcome,” because that makes no sense. And you write your OP like you did intentionally try to say your welcome, so why?

Edit - Sorry; have just seen you answered someone else asking this. She had said thank you, not you. OK.

Absolutely bloody howling 🤣🤣

I quite like that. It’s very Ford from Hitchhiker’s guide convincing the bulldozer guy to lie down in front of the bulldozer in Arthur’s place.

I’ve had a really rubbish day and this just made me laugh out loud. Thank you and your hard cock rafé 😂

My dear old Dad at a family Christmas dinner many years ago was trying to tell us a story about how he could play table tennis just as well with the bat in either hand, and he'd always wondered if maybe he was ambidextrous. What he actually said was

"I used to play holiding the bat in either my left or right hand. I think I might be bisexual".

We cried laughing.

I ended a 3-day conference for doctors (that I'd organised and hosted) by cheerfully saying "and to end our conference I'd like to spank you all..."

What made it worse was firstly it was videoed and secondly &
3 GPs from the practice I used were their and I never lived it down.

I need to go to bed but will be back to catch up tomorrow Literally got tears running down my face at these. Cracking thread OP 🤣

I've had a really hard day at work and am currently lying in bed reading this with the best kind of tears so thank you all for your spectacular brain burps.

Me recently: phone rings, I answer it with "Tim speaking". I am not called Tim. I am female. The caller wasn't Tim. In fact, there are no Tims in either my work or personal life. Nor am I watching any Tim-based TV programmes. Not a Scooby why the very deeply buried Tim neuron chose that moment to fire.

I occasionally say to the cashier
‘love you, bye’ hahaha because that’s what I say to my DH most of the time at the end of the conversation 🙈🙈🙈

Oh god, I have just remembered my dad’s massive faux pas. My parents always used to host an open house (buffet/piss up) on 2 January, and people would dip in and out. One of our neighbours asked if they could bring a visiting relative - of course. My dad asked the relative (elderly mother, non-native English speaker) if he could take her hat too when she removed her coat. She looked bemused which dad put down to the language thing, so he mimed taking a hat off. Her son (the neighbour) shook his head, and later told my dad she wore a wig.

Haha, really glad to hear it! Makes me feel slightly less mortified to know some good has come of it 😂

Went to the docs last year with a burst ear drum. He asked me a bunch of questions about the pain, other symptoms of the illness and then asked me which year it was.

I proudly replied '2023', thinking, what a bizarre question but I am fucking nailing this.

He looked very confused, then leaned right forward and said WHICH EAR IS IT?

I was walking through town and met my friend who was a nurse on his way to start a night shift. We chatted for a bit and then as I was walking off I couldn't decide whether to say "have a good shift" or "have a good night" so I cheerily told him to have a good shite.