So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

😂😂😂

Our neighbour gave us some tomatoes, teenage me said to him (in front of his son on whom I had a mega crush) "Thanks for the Hewitts, Mr. Tomato."
(My face was as red as a tomato).

That really made me laugh 😆 .
I was once on a work phone call (end of the day and tired), as the call ended I said ‘love you, bye’ and hung up. Then thought, did I just tell the rep from the packing company that I love them?

Spelling my name out using phonetic alphabet - ’and Y for Wankey’

I have a neighbour who has a funny way of 'greeting' me. I do my usual 'alright mate/person's name' with a warm nod and smile, and brief eye contact.
He always catches my eye for a split second, immediately stares intently at the floor and mumbles 'great to see you' while still looking at the floor and practically breaking into a canter.

I'm always inclined to respond with 'I don't think it really was great though was it?'
Of course I never would. I guess he just doesn't like me? Lol. But saying those words to someone in such an obviously insincere way always made me laugh.

The one I do is always say 'love you lots' to shop/pub/restaurant staff by accident when saying goodbye!

I regularly tell my boss/colleagues/random man from Vodafone(most recent) that I love them as I’m so used to saying it to my husband/mum on a call, every time I want the ground to swallow me up 😂

@AEP123 that's so funny 😁

I was in Boots the other day collecting a prescription.

She checked my driving license which she handed back to me. As I took it back she then said can I ask your address. I said sure. I then said that's great and put the card back in my wallet. I looked at her patiently waiting.

She then said what's your address. I said oh sorry I thought I did that while simultaneously cracking up ( literally and metaphorically), as in the space of half a second I'd entirely forgotten she'd asked a question.

I could barely make it through giving my address without laughing.

The worst part of it is this is exactly what my mum is like.

I had a friendly relationship with a client and whilst on the phone, I said “cock-handed” instead of cack-handed. Die 😳

This makes you sound like Yoda! 😂😂😂

I went to pick my tatty car from the garage after it'd been recalled. The receptionist asked me if was mint. Surprised, and a bit embarrassed, I started to explain it had a few dings and scratches then I remembered what colour it was...

I had an online food shop delivered. I always shut away the dog but she barks loudly. The driver was saying how he’s great with the dogs on his route and how he delivers to a place out in the middle of nowhere and these huge dogs always wait to meet him at the gate and are really soft with him.

I was going to say either, ‘they know you by now’ or ‘they smell the food in the bags.’ I managed to say ‘they know you smell.’ I then managed to add ‘of food.’

My boss gave me a lift home one day, a really, really unusual occurrence. When we pulled up, I turned, quickly kissed her and said "cheers, love you", and got out of the car. (As I did every time DH picked me up from work.)

I was mortified... for weeks.

This thread is brilliant. Mine is a typo one. Tried to put a cheery silly dad joke into work team Teams chat- whats the problem with eating clocks?' Except it didn't say clocks I'd left out the l and wrote cocks 😂 got more of a laugh than the actual joke to be fair.
If you were wondering, the answer is 'because it's time consuming'

No. That is the best part. ❤️

This is totally outing but...

Complained via email to an important professional person I was involved with that the "social media department" I was dealing with was an idiot dickhead wanker in a cupboard fucking about on his iPhone (plus other scathing but true observations).

Yep. I'd sent the email to him.

Got fired from high value contract.

But he was definitely a total wanker.

😂😂

Told my male boss that me and my husband went down for a spit roast on my wedding night….i meant hog roast. The problem was I corrected it, probably could have got away with it if I just styled it out….he was mortified, as was I!! .

I had my boiler serviced. When the engineer had finished, iPad in his hand, he said to me, I'll take your details and email your certificate.
Asked for my name and address and I gave it to him. Age, he asked.
My mind went into a whirl, veering between thinking cheeky sod asking my age and should I just refuse.

In the end I muttered 54. No I meant the boiler's age, he said. Criinge

Name changed as I have told this story more than once in real life:

Not mine, but one of my favourites is from the early days of the court starting to trial e-filing of claims. One day an email was sent from a court clerk to what I can only assume was a large distribution list (including many learned people of the older generation) informing us that there was an issue with the e-filing system and apologising for, "any incontinence caused".

Beautiful. 😁

Oh and another memory of working in m & s back in the day.

Customer wanting to know if we had any more Shiraz out the back as only 2 bottles on the shelf and 6 required to get some 20% off deal.

I meant to say 'won't keep you a moment' or perhaps 'I'll check and be right back' - who knows?

What came out, as I walked away, was 'I won't be back'

Oh foooking hell! 😂

LOL @HelloMiffy

Yea I elided “Get off me” with “Be off with you” to “Get off with me!”

Asked my hairdresser who I had only booked for an emergency root tint whether I could have a cheeky quick blowjob as well. Obviously I meant blow dry but as I superseded the question with an ‘obviously please say no if you don’t want to do it, I totally get it is a cheeky ask’ it sounded all the more suspect.