So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

Going into the GP's room for my appointment, she greeted me;

" Hello, How are we then?"

"Smashing thanks, how are you?" 🥴

20 years ago I worked with a French colleague, a very lovely and handsome man called Michel based in the Paris office. He was softly spoken and his English was very good but not perfect. As our London office was open plan sometimes I struggled to understand him on busy Friday afternoons.

So this one time we had to go through a presentation together, I printed off his documents and took it to the conference room to talk to him in private. We were chatting, dare I say it flirting, and got a little sidetracked from our work. Michel suddenly declared “<12freerangeeggs> I want you to fuck us on ze table”.

I was shocked at this bold move but inside I was thrilled that clearly the attraction was mutual and he had every intention of visiting our London office to meet me in person and, well, fuck me on our company conference room table.

Turns out the file Michel had emailed and I had printed was without the inserted images, including the table in the presentation on page 10 which I had been sidetracked from and was what Michel really wanted me to FOCUS on. Because it was Friday afternoon, he was an hour ahead and desperately wanting to finish work and go home to his gorgeous girlfriend.

DP usually says “love you, bye” to his grown up son when hanging up a call. I get “I’ll blow you a kiss” then he blows three kisses. But one time his son got my kisses.

I was once in a bakery and ordered two curd tarts as two turd carts. Was mortified but hoped it was busy enough that they hadn’t properly heard what I’d said.

Oh my God 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 this made me cackle out loud

I often had to give lunch to people, because of my husbands work, and met lots of interesting people. We also had four small children. One day we had three officials out for a meeting, I cut up their plates of meat, veg and potatoes into nice bite-size pieces and handed them out....just stopped myself saying Eat it all up when I saw their faces!!

I'm terrified of doing this whilst on the phone to colleagues, or worse, clients 🤣.

Was this at St. John's Picture Show 🤣

Not me but newsreader Trevor MacDonald. He was reporting on an issue that was happening in the Cunt Kentricide. He styled it out marvellously. 😂

Someone I worked with, tried to bar the new owners and swore at him in the process, whilst sat out the front smoking. (Staff were not to smoke there) Told him that the bar wasn't for people like him, and the bar was closed (not sure exactly what they said as they kept changing the story). It was about 9.30, midweek. So he dutifully left as not to be a problem, the Friday staff meet and greet with the new owner was Amazing I thought the staff member was going to combust!

I did this too! "So lovely to meet you” to the husband of a lovely work colleague who had died very young.

Also kissed the bride’s father on the lips at a wedding receiving line.
I avoid receiving lines now. Can't be trusted.

Indeed it is. And just one of the many ever-evolving ways I find to embarrass myself!

Just brought to mind another time when a colleague in my office put her hand out for me to give her my card to swipe on the photocopier. My brain glitched and I randomly took her hand?!! Fortunately, she did see the funny side, unlike the previous example!

OP, I hope you’re feeling a bit better now and thank you for sharing because this has been a very fun thread ❤️

I was 17 and my neighbour’s mother had died the week before. I met the neighbour in the local supermarket where I was shopping with my (male) friend. We were planning a night in with films and popcorn. When we ran into the neighbour I got all flustered about what to say about his mum, managed to awkwardly get something out and then he asked us what we were up to. I told him we were just planning on staying in together to watch cop porn.

He was a police officer.

Many years ago I worked as a nurse. I was doing a shift in a nursing home and we were expecting a social worker visiting. Door bell rings, I answered the door and said 'Get in'. You know what I should've said, but he was breathtakingly handsome and whoops. So embarrassed.

I was chatting to an elderly neighbour while my 5 year old pottered around. Her husband walked past and my Dc must have caught him out of the corner of his eye. He glanced round and casually said "Hello Daddy", paused for a brief second, then legged it as we all collapsed in hysterics. Poor kid was mortified.

lol Shittytitty!!

I worked in an office a number of years ago and I took a call for a colleague who was on her lunch break. When she got back from lunch she asked who had called, my mind bizarrely went blank and I couldn't recall so I said 'I think it was yr mum, she's calling back this afternoon' to which she replied with a look of utter shock on her face 'my mum is dead'. I wanted the ground to open up. The whole office went deadly quiet and just stared at me. Luckily my phone rang again and broke the silence 😬😳🙈

Many moons ago, in my late teens, someone brought a bowler hat into the office and at the end of the day (luckily most had left), I picked it off the hat stand and threw it across the desks, mimicking a Bond villain called Oddjob who would decapitate his victims with his bowler, shouting out his name, but unfortunately I got mixed-up with another character called Blofelt... I hid under the desk for a bit😬

Omfg!!! I’m crying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Also kissed the bride’s father on the lips at a wedding receiving line.
I avoid receiving lines now. Can't be trusted.

I've done this too. We both went to go the same way for a cheek kiss, then both went the other way, and ended up in the middle. I was only 18 at the time as well.

Oh God, this is one of the funniest things I've read on here.
I hope this doesn't pop in my head at an inappropriate time, because I know I'll have to laugh out loud.

A piece of tech wasn't working at work. I meant to say to my colleague "you'll have to do it by hand"
What came out of my mouth was "you'll have to give me a hand job"

My bil was talking to my sister about our mum, he meant to say either your mum's been bugging dd or your mum's been bothering dd

What he actually said was your mum's been buggering dd.

My niece is 26 years old BTW and my sister told her, to which she replied no wonder I'm so tired.

Was sitting with a mixed sex group of friends when another girl came in, with a low cut top showing her ample bosom. I noticed she was wearing stunning amethyst beads so announced, loudly, “Ooh Ros I love your breasts!”

This has made my day, absolutely howling 😂

You said thank you. Why did you need to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem'?