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Original poster

So embarrassed I wanted to die.

914 replies

Katkins17 · 23/09/2024 18:07

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

OP posts:
enkelt2 · 23/09/2024 20:58

hahahhaa thank you OP it made my day

Original poster
Katkins17 · 23/09/2024 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Okay 'Victor Meldrew' ... calm down !!!

OP posts:
MrsSunshine2b · 23/09/2024 21:02

There's been many, but one that really sticks in my head is aged 16, working at McDonalds, a group of boys around my age came in and ordered fizzy drinks. They went to sit down and when I'd got the drinks ready I took them over and went to say, "Have a nice meal," as I always said the customers but then realised they hadn't ordered food so I said, "Have a nice...um...time?"

They dissolved into giggles and I slunk back off to behind my till completely mortified!

DrHGS · 23/09/2024 21:04

SpidersAreShitheads · 23/09/2024 20:28

Just remembered another faux pas.

I was in Tesco really late at night - all the self-checkouts were empty, bar one. It's quite a big Tesco so there's around 15 self-checkouts available.

In fairness, I was still trying not to drop my shopping as I didn't have a basket. I absent-mindedly went over to one of the checkouts and piled up my stuff ready to start scanning. I then looked at the screen and realised it looked different.....next thing there's a polite voice right in my ear saying "Oh, just one moment, I've nearly finished paying..."

I had walked over to the ONLY checkout being used and piled my stuff up right next to the man who was checking out. On the self-checkout till he was still fucking using - while 14 other tills were free. I was literally standing RIGHT next to him like some weird Tesco stalker. I don't even know how I managed this.

14 empty tills but nope. My subconscious apparently didn't want any of those.

The checkout supervisor was just staring at me 😅

OMG you’ve just activated a latent memory with this story…
Once many years ago not long after I started uni and I wasn’t sure of my way around, I got a bus home. I wasn’t sure if it was going to my halls and was so preoccupied with this thought and worrying about which direction it would go in. Sat down on the top deck next to this man. After a few minutes when I realised the bus was going the right way and my faculties all returned, I realised there was no one else there and I’d sat next to the only person on the deck. I ended up getting off and waiting for the next bus I was so embarrassed!

Allthehorsesintheworld · 23/09/2024 21:05

I misgendered a border force officer before misgendering was a known thing. Tbh I was attempting to speak in my third language, was very flustered for some reason I’ve forgotten and called him Senora. All hell broke loose with him yelling at me in rapid Spanish I couldn’t follow, I just kept apologising. He was not going to let it go, I burst into tears and apparently he told me to fuck off to hell in Spanish. Never been more glad to escape an airport.

Ahwig · 23/09/2024 21:06

It's not what my dad said, it's what he did. He'd got to a certain age and was sent a poo test kit. You had to take a teeny sample put it in the test tube then put the tube in the prepaid envelope provided then drop it in the post.
My mum had been nagging him to do it for days so eventually he did and to stop her moaning went straight to the letter box and dropped the envelope in.
About an hour later my mum said" I thought you'd done that test?" " I have, I told you and I've even posted off so you can stop nagging now" he replied. " oh " she said " well where have you sent it because the test envelope is still here?"
I bet Readers digest were confused when they opened my dads " package"

dollyboots · 23/09/2024 21:06

Swissvisa · 23/09/2024 19:07

I was once out for a work lunch, having just joined a new company.

We were there quite a while and as we were leaving, one chap said ‘can’t wait for a ciggy’
I responded by saying ‘yes, I really need to spread my legs!’.

Was mortified.

I can’t stop laughing at this.

dubmimi · 23/09/2024 21:06

Arriving at the hairdressers saying "hi, I booked a blow job for 10.30"
Absolutely wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

PoachesPeaches · 23/09/2024 21:07

I've gotten into someone's car before.

Hi Dad.
I'm not your Dad.

😂😂😂 Got straight out.

Strobbery · 23/09/2024 21:07

I have a very gorgeous and affectionate dog. I’m always calling him “My lovely boy” and “My best doggy friend” and the like.
I was out walking him a couple of years ago and some people came up to chat and said what a beautiful well behaved dog he was.
”Yes…” I said, ruffling his fur lovingly “… he’s my boyfriend”

They must have thought I was some sort of pervert.

MrsWhattery · 23/09/2024 21:07

My mate in Waitrose, went up to her partner and dry humped him as he leant in the freezer & said (in the style of a parrot ) "who's a sexy boy then, who's a sexy boy" Followed by chripy whistle trill
It wasn't her partner

I'm glad this happened to someone else because I almost died of cringe just reading it!

Stresshead84x · 23/09/2024 21:09

Strobbery · 23/09/2024 21:07

I have a very gorgeous and affectionate dog. I’m always calling him “My lovely boy” and “My best doggy friend” and the like.
I was out walking him a couple of years ago and some people came up to chat and said what a beautiful well behaved dog he was.
”Yes…” I said, ruffling his fur lovingly “… he’s my boyfriend”

They must have thought I was some sort of pervert.

😂😂😂😂

Stewandsocks · 23/09/2024 21:09

Ended a phone call with my boss by saying 'Bye Dad' when I was nearly 40!

BetterWithPockets · 23/09/2024 21:10

The other day, DD, DH and I were in the park and I went to get something from the car. DD wanted to come but I told her to stay with DH. As I got close to the car, I heard DD running up behind me, so said in my loudest and best mock-stern voice, ‘What on earth do you think you’re doing?’ Turned out it wasn’t DD but a middle aged runner… Not sure who got the biggest surprise!

DrHGS · 23/09/2024 21:11

Just remembered another one (not me thankfully). A friend of my MILs when they were out for lunch with a group of friends announced how beautifully her clitoris had bloomed this year (she meant clematis) 😂😂

KillerTomato7 · 23/09/2024 21:11

"Enjoy the movie!" "You too!" is the one that always gets me. Obviously they're not going to, since they just have to stand there collecting tickets.

summer555 · 23/09/2024 21:11

Arguing with BUPA about the consultant mis-billing my shockwave therapy (rather unfortunately on my buttocks).

"I go in, lie straight down on his bed without any talking or anything, he does the deed, I put my shorts back on, get up and leave straight after." And dig myself into a deeper hole by saying that sounded all wrong.

M for Mugabe has amused me a lot...

dawngreen · 23/09/2024 21:11

flapjackfairy · 23/09/2024 19:46

the other day my husband was bemoaning the fact that he is not as young and strong as he used to be and said that he would be more intimidated if he was attacked by a younger man these days. He concluded by saying " oh well I suppose you only need to decapitate them temporarily and then you can get away ! " .
I still keep giggling about it imagining him.trying to put some aggressive man's head back on.

Vampire Diaries all over again lol

MirrorMirror1247 · 23/09/2024 21:12

Ordering a pint for my dad. The beer was called Jemima's Pitchfork.

Luckily the barman knew what I meant when I asked for a pint of Jemima Puddleduck.....

ShatnerssBasoon · 23/09/2024 21:12

I was on a night out and some guys were heckling us in the street.. thought of saying "wankers" and "arseholes' as a reply but weirdly just ended up shouting "wank my arse".. all quiet after that except for me looking for a hole in the ground to dissappear in

CLEO42 · 23/09/2024 21:12

Oh god: when I texted my husband to complain about the guy who was rebuilding our fireplace - I vented about how rude I thought he was , how his ineptitude would delay me from picking up my DS from school, how I thought he was taking me for a mug and finding new extras to charge for and that I wanted him out of my house asap.

Yep, I sent that text to the fireplace guy

FraterculaArctica · 23/09/2024 21:13

DH and I went on holiday together when he was still relatively new DBoyfriend. He played the trumpet as a hob and we decided to take it to remote cottage to practise.

Cottage was near where my DMum lives and she came over to visit us. Was asking us how the holiday was going. I said it was lovely but all the sheep around the cottage were probably a bit startled by the penetrating noises coming from the bedroom.

DH-to-be later pointed out to me that it may not have been obvious to DMum that I was referring to the trumpet playing...

cowandpigeon · 23/09/2024 21:13

ShatnerssBasoon · 23/09/2024 21:12

I was on a night out and some guys were heckling us in the street.. thought of saying "wankers" and "arseholes' as a reply but weirdly just ended up shouting "wank my arse".. all quiet after that except for me looking for a hole in the ground to dissappear in

Why do you think you deserved to be swallowed up by a hole in the ground and not them?

Thistooshallpass24 · 23/09/2024 21:14

@MrsWhattery honestly one of the funniest things I've seen

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 23/09/2024 21:14

When a friend's mother heard that Heather Mills had bagged Paul McCartney, she exclaimed: "well she landed on her feet!"