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Original poster

So embarrassed I wanted to die.

914 replies

Katkins17 · 23/09/2024 18:07

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

OP posts:
WileyCyrus · 23/09/2024 20:35

Years ago I used to work for Maureen directory inquiries, where people would phone to ask for numbers and addresses for businesses and so on. We were supposed to answer the phone with “Hello, Maureen! Which name please?” which always seemed a bit clumsy to me anyway and often had the callers confused.
One evening I was working and it was pretty quiet, not many calls so was having a good old chat with the people around me. A call came in to me and I answered, rather loudly, with “Hello, Maureen! Which name PEOPLE?” This in itself was mildly amusing, although not hilarious, but the girls sitting near to me collapsed in a fit of giggles, which of course set me off. I was trying to find a number for this poor person on the other end of the line, and as luck would have it, it was one of those calls that took forever. Minutes of agony as I desperately tried and failed to stifle my snorts of laughter, then just as we calmed down someone would whisper “Hello, Maureen! Which name people?” and we’d all start laughing again.
I loved that job! 😁

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 23/09/2024 20:36

Oh God, flashback to this summer. I'm trying to learn German and ran into some (fluent English speaking, of course) tourists, on holiday from Hamburg. They were lost on the little Cornish country road and I made a mess of trying to give them directions (all in English!) so that was embarrassing enough. However the next day they spotted me in Waitrose and came to say hello. I thought I'd be clever and try out my (non-existent) German on them. Well what came out of my mouth was just an utter jumble of garbled nonsense. It wasn't English, it wasn't German, it was some sort of hybrid concoction of my own invention. Several minutes I was standing there yammering gobbledygook at them. I don't know what came over me, it was like I was having an out-of-body-experience or something. By the time I'd dragged myself away from the crime scene and came to my senses I was absolutely burning with mortification. You could have fried an egg on my face. All the way home I was shouting 'OH MY GOD! That was SO EMBARRASSING!! OH MY GOD I could just DIE!!' to myself in the car. I genuinely would have been glad if the ground had swallowed me up. I'll never forget the confusion on their faces as I stood there burbling. I think they'll remember me forever as 'That crazy lady we met on holiday!' 😳

unsync · 23/09/2024 20:36

At posh black tie do in my 20s. Big private estate, huge marquee, caterers, etc. Walked over to greet host who I sort of knew, went to do the old cheek mwah mwah thing and actually gave him a big smacker right on the lips. Not sure who was more surprised. We both just stood there until I turned and did a long walk back to my table. I was mortified. It was a long night.

Louise303 · 23/09/2024 20:36

I brought my sons to Blackpool and we were in a restaurant my 3 year old was crying and I had just said love you to him. The waitress came to take the order and I was stressed out. I haven't a clue why but for some reason I blurted out hiya love ya to the waitress. When she left the table after a few minutes I seen all the staff looking at me even the chef came out.

mumstheword001 · 23/09/2024 20:37

Hoppinggreen · 23/09/2024 18:51

I often help with wildlife rescue and had been asked to take a Hedgehog, I needed some food for it so went to Pets at home. A store employer came to ask me if I needed any help and I launched into a whole thing about how we had rescued this animal but that we did eventually hope to release it into the wild and how I had popped in for food but I knew that the store wouldn't have any experience of this animal because they only lived in the wild etc etc. I think I said we were going to feed it cat food.
However, I must have been having a moment because I kept saying "Hamster" and we standing right next to a whole load of Hamsters.
I may even have mentioned their spikes at one point.
I didn't even realise, although I thought the store emplyer was being a bit weird until we got outside and DD started laughing and told me what i had said

This made me howl 😂😂😂

Skipsurvey · 23/09/2024 20:37

when i was early 20s at work, someone had just made me laugh when i was ringing a customer, i giggled down the phone and had to hang up, and then had to call them back later when i wasnt laughing Blush

DysonSphere · 23/09/2024 20:39

I did this only yesterday!!

Walking to the local shops. Raining. Saw a girl standing outside one of the residential houses. Clearly locked out. Phoning for someone to come with the key.

Went shop.

On the way back from the shop I could see she was still standing there.

I said: 'Oh you're still waiting?'

She said: 'oh yeah😓 But they're coming soon, thanks for asking'.

My reply: Wanted to say you're welcome But instead: WELL GOOD LUCK!! (Followed by a little involuntary giggle. I don't know why the hell I giggled? It all came across passive aggressive when it was meant to be friendly) I think it was late and I was overtired.

I was still feeling the cringe this morning.

bringincrazyback · 23/09/2024 20:41

Alina3 · 23/09/2024 18:59

I love it when someone says something like 'enjoy your meal!' and I go 'thanks, you too!' to a waiter.

I just misread that as 'thanks, you tool' which just increased the mirth factor...

Kittensat36 · 23/09/2024 20:44

Oh this has made me laugh till my nose got blocked
I thought "jazz hands" and "open my legs" were good, but the dog poo one made me laugh till I saw spots in front of my eyes.

WheresTheLambSauce · 23/09/2024 20:44

This one was years ago, when I was still an apprentice at a private nursery. I had just come home from a long shift in the 3-5 room and was speaking with my DM about something that had happened earlier that day. As she was climbing the stairs she turned to me and asked, "Was there anything else you wanted to talk with me about?"

In a breezily dismissive tone and with a smile so eerily wide that it should be reserved solely for toddlers or the criminally insane I replied, "Oh no, that was it! Now... Of you go! 😃"

I'm not sure what was worse - Her thinking that I was deliberately being cheeky, or me having to explain that for a moment I thought I was talking to a three year old!

BlackShuck3 · 23/09/2024 20:45

Newnametoday5 · 23/09/2024 19:09

Hi Del Boy 😁

Show quote history

Mangetout, mangetout😁

YellowComb · 23/09/2024 20:46

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Vergus · 23/09/2024 20:47

@historygeek

I once asked the butcher in Morrisons if he had beef curtains.... he looked at me for a very long time before asking if I meant beef skirt

I’m dying

LasagneLasagne · 23/09/2024 20:49

Some time ago on a business trip, I had a question come through via email from a client in France. Because I was away, I didn't have access to all my files (it was back in the days of Blackberries), so I asked a colleague to reply to the client. I forwarded the client's question to my colleague with a message from me in intentionally poor French (for the comedy value), asking her to help. But I accidentally copied him in.
He was a lovely chap and pretended that he hadn't noticed, but I was mortified. It still makes me cringe.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 23/09/2024 20:49

This is quite tame for the thread, but I always get a coffee on my way to work from the same place. Instead of asking for my drink I asked the server for “the key to S108” last week, thinking ahead to getting to reception at my building.

Also last week I had my ApplePay, then tap, then PIN declined at a self serve till in M&S football. I had spotted the lurking staff member coming to help the woman on the next till, so when I heard her say thanks I asked her to help me, please and told her I “knew I had plenty of money”. She wasn’t a staff member, she was the customer’s friend. She did helpfully call a staff member for me. The till had malfunctioned, and I did in fact have plenty of money.

Last week wasn’t my best.

ZiggyZowie · 23/09/2024 20:50

I couldn't decide on " what a shame". or
"What a pity"

Out came " what a shitty "

🤐

PandaChopChop · 23/09/2024 20:51

FoxSticks · 23/09/2024 19:15

I was conducting a gross misconduct disciplinary meeting where two staff members had a physical fight which they said was messing around and "horseplay". I was summing up and said "we cannot tolerate foreplay in this company." Awful moment where we looked at each other, and both of us knew what i had just said, I just had to style it out and keep going.

Turn off the oven, I'm done 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

AngelicKaty · 23/09/2024 20:52

Smineusername · 23/09/2024 19:06

When I was a teenager, standing in a queue to receive communion at mass, I accidentally asked the priest for 'a half please' as if I would if I was boarding the bus

Oh, I thought your request was to do with the communion wine! 😂

bluedelphiniums · 23/09/2024 20:54

Minimili · 23/09/2024 19:16

Not me but my dad used to tell everyone about the time my mum embarrassed herself in B&Q in the early nineties…

They were redecorating the living room and my mum explained to the sales assistant who was a man in his early twenties about how much she wanted a “dildo rail” instead of a dado rail.

She apparently was earnestly telling him how “all her friends had put dildos up” and that she was inspired by it and was just looking to find the right look and also wanted curtains to match the carpet.

My dad kept a perfectly straight face and was a bit mean because he let her keep talking whilst the poor sales assistant stared at her in bewilderment until my dad finally explained what she meant. My dad was in absolute hysterics when they left the shop, he especially enjoyed telling my mum that “curtains matching the carpet” was a euphemism for pubic hair being the same colour as the hair on your head.

My mum was mortified and refused to ever go back, but my dad loved telling that story.
She did get her dildo rail though and thank goodness it went out of fashion because it looked fucking terrible. Two different types of floral wallpaper with the thin wooden rail separating them. What were they thinking? 😂.

😂😂😂😂

ChesterFoxE · 23/09/2024 20:54

I was talking to my posh MIL about the cute DUREX puppy…..until she corrected me with Dulux :0

adriftinadenofvipers · 23/09/2024 20:54

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Tell us about your sense of humour failure without telling us about your sense of humour failure...

ThisAintNoPartyThisAintNoDisco · 23/09/2024 20:55

A few months ago, early sunny morning, I spotted our cat sitting on the driveway under the car. It’s a really quiet area and no-one was about, so I leaned out the bedroom window and called to him in my soppy mummy cat voice (he’s very spoiled) I can see you down there you gorgeous boy .. just as a man walking his dog passed by and the cat disappeared

delilabell · 23/09/2024 20:55

We were walking out of the dentists as a couple were walking in so they waited at the bottom of the stairs to let us past. My dh cheerfully said "happy birthday!" Instead of thank you to them 🤣🤣
A lot of these are really making me chuckle. Excellent thread @Katkins17 I hope its showing you we all do it.

Original poster
Katkins17 · 23/09/2024 20:56

Catsarebetterthanpeoples · 23/09/2024 20:24

I have so many. Best is I told the plumber “see you soon, love you” when he had to pop out. I had a 3 month old and in my sputtering “no, sorry, I don’t” he told me to have a nap 😂.

One thing I can’t get my head around, though. Why were you the one saying “you’re welcome”/“no problem” after saying thank you? Surely that was the cashier’s line? 😅

She gave me the receipt and said thank you ... as in thank you for paying I suppose and my addled brain though your welcome or no problem in a mixed up style was an appropriate reply !!!

Explaining it doesn't make it sound any better on any level !!!

OP posts:
Popcorn23 · 23/09/2024 20:58

I once emailed my senior colleague to tell them our department was 'really busty' today. I meant busy of course!